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I'm usually more of a lurker, but I'm trying to de-isolate a bit. Which is why I went to a party last night despite not feeling social at all. I felt awkward and instead of sticking to one beer like I had planned, I got stupid blackout drunk. I have no idea what I said or did. I don't think I did anything naked or illegal, but still I feel so ashamed. I don't know how I could possibly talk to or see friends who saw me so s*-faced (and probably dumb and annoying). They probably think I'm really pathetic for drinking so much (and often). I had been working on my drinking and was doing pretty well until last night. Why do I do these things when I know I'm just going to regret it?! Any advice?

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My experience has been that I did things like what you mentioned b/c the booze was in the driver's seat and  I can't just have one or two drinks. Once i did, it would trigger me to have who knows how much more alcohol and I would wake up wondering what happened in the blackout, embarrassed/shameful, feeling irritated that it happened again and wishing that I could control it. it sucks, i can totally relate. It's why i had to stop completely. It was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do but it was also one of the best decisions I have every made!

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