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I'm a 23-year-old female that's just recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It makes a lot sense! I've dealt with bulimia, depression, and anxiety throughout my life. Last year, I met an amazing man and we hit it off right away. We fell in love fast. He has bipolar disorder and is schizoaffective.

 

At the moment, he's suffering from a bad episode of psychosis and is completely disconnected from the world. I'm used to this from him, but this is worse than normal. His depression is very evident.

 

Honestly, I can't handle it, for obvious reasons of I'm just a fragile, emotional person. I just started a DBT program but he actually just got kicked out of the same one. I love him so much though. I can't leave him, no way. He understands me way more than anyone else because we have such a similar mental illness.

 

I guess my question is should I just let him go be crazy and ride it out with him from the sidelines or do I take action and help him get the help he needs? Either through going to the hospital and/or psych ward, or just finding him a therapist. The worst part about this is his parents are in denial about how bad he can get. They think he's just fine and needs to "snap out of it." He's 29, he's been dealing with these episodes for a while. But normally, they end him up homeless or in the ward with injuries, or just home alone for months on end drunk out of his mind.

 

How do I help and keep myself in therapy and keep progressing with my own mental issues?

Edited by Deanna Davis
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I have schizoaffective disorder, and I might resist it but I would want people around me to encourage me to get help.  Can you try to help him without putting a lot of responsibility on yourself?  Keep doing the things you are doing for yourself.  Maybe you could ask a tdoc there for advice?

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Yeah, I have started within these last couple days to be around him but still keep up with my responsibilities, aka homework. The problem happens when I'm not doing well. I talk to him when I feel depressed or really anxious about something. So now I have no one to talk to. It sounds selfish, I know. But I need an outlet where somewhere is giving me attention when he can't.

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Being in a relationship with someone else with a severe mental illness is workable.  Being in a relationship with someone with an UNTREATED mental illness very rarely is.  If I were you, I would very strongly suggest that he gets some help.

 

I'm not sure where you are in DBT, but this could be a good thing to bring up in therapy with respect to how you can apply your skills to tolerate/improve this situation.

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I've been researching for BP and OCD therapists since that would be best for him right now, and he wants to go somewhere, but he doesn't trust anyone, (duh, paranoia) so it'll be a struggle to make him actually go and want to get better. He's had so many therapists and been through psych wards several times, so he believes there's no hope for him in therapy. Which most everyone knows it not true. He wants to get better and for us to be connected again. I mean, right now it's like we're just friends hanging out. He watches baseball, I do homework or browse on reddit. But there's nothing more than that right now, no matter how much both of us want there to be more.

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Just know that you can't save anyone except yourself.  There are a lot of things that we do for each other out of love, but it is not your responsibility to save him from his illness.  Only he can do that.

 

Does he have any treatment team right now?  Any doctor or psychiatrist or anything?  Because that can be a good place to start for referrals.

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Yeah, he got some referrals from his DBT therapist that kicked him out of the program. They seem good but he's refusing to call for ransom reasons, like she's too pretty, she has a name that means "devil"in another language, and that because they are referred DBT, screw them. I just get so frustrated with this situation though! He tries too escape from reality with alcohol and smoking pot, but I'm in reality. I wish I was enough for him to at least try. But I'm not. Love isn't strong enough. Ugh. 

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Yeah, he got some referrals from his DBT therapist that kicked him out of the program. They seem good but he's refusing to call for ransom reasons, like she's too pretty, she has a name that means "devil"in another language, and that because they are referred DBT, screw them. I just get so frustrated with this situation though! He tries too escape from reality with alcohol and smoking pot, but I'm in reality. I wish I was enough for him to at least try. But I'm not. Love isn't strong enough. Ugh. 

 

Try not to take it personally.  He really isn't in a state where he can make that sort of choice.  His refusing to see dr's or escape with drugs have nothing to do with how he feels for you

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I've been researching for BP and OCD therapists since that would be best for him right now, and he wants to go somewhere, but he doesn't trust anyone, (duh, paranoia) so it'll be a struggle to make him actually go and want to get better. He's had so many therapists and been through psych wards several times, so he believes there's no hope for him in therapy. Which most everyone knows it not true. He wants to get better and for us to be connected again. I mean, right now it's like we're just friends hanging out. He watches baseball, I do homework or browse on reddit. But there's nothing more than that right now, no matter how much both of us want there to be more.

My biggest problem is dissociation. When he can't give me attention, I'll go into my head and then black everything out until something else comes along. And that, sadly, usually ends with cutting. So I'm trying to avoid that by doing my own things.

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