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I'm on Resperdal, Ativan and Effexor, and none of them are helping. I hear them everywhere. There are footsteps around me every which way, and they're getting closer. So are the voices. And the shadows are closing in on me, and I can't keep running from them. They're all coming closer and closer and I know they're going to get me soon. I can barely go out in public or see people anymore. I can't trust anyone. I know my parents are putting something in my medication, and they're planning something. I can't be around them. I'm at my best friend's house, and her family has always been like my second family, sometimes closer than my actual relatives. I've been having panic attacks all the time, when they start coming closer. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I don't know what I'm going to tell her. I can't tell her the truth, that my medication isn't working and that they're going to get me. They tell me not to trust her and I know they're right. She'll send me back to the hospital. What do I do?

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Tell your doctor exactly what you just typed out. You sound like you're in a really hard place right now, but it can get better, but it's not going to get better unless you're honest. The voices in your head telling you not to trust your doctor are lying, it's your brain playing tricks on you. Trust me, it's not true. Have faith that your doctor will do what is right to get you feeling back to normal again. If you go to hospital you'll get to feel better, which will be a lot better than what you've got going on right now. I know no one likes the hospital, but everyone likes feeling better, sometimes it's necessary, even for a short time to keep you safe. 

 

If you think you're going to have trouble saying it, print this page out, or show it to her on your phone or something.

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Nobody tells the truth 100% of the time, that includes the voices you're hearing.  I think you need to tell your doctor what's going on(printing out this post and just giving it to her would be a good option if it feels too scary to say all of this out loud), since your meds aren't working that's something she can help you with.

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But even if the voices are wrong this time, it doesn't change that there's no way I can tell her this. I know she's going to put me in the hospital again, and I can't run from them in the hospital. It's a locked unit, and there's no getting out. If they get closer, I can't get away from them. I can't run. I'm trapped, and they'll get me. 

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Your dr cannot read your mind and cannot help you with the voices if you do not tell him/her.

 

And if you are able to try meds or different meds, you may not have to do so in the hospital. If you are not an immediate threat to yourself (like having an exact plan to kill yourself) or a threat to others (like wanting to harm another person) then you probably don't need the hospital anyways. I'm not saying your dr will not put you in there, just that going to the hospital because of being psychotic is not always a sure thing.

 

It's great that you are posting here to reality check and that you have such insight to do so! Keep up the good work and be honest completely with your dr. I also agree that you should print out the post you made and that will make bringing it up easier.

 

Take care and be gentle with yourself while you are recovering.

Edited by Wonderful.Cheese
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Hi OrdinaryInsanity

 

You sound a lot like me last week.  I'm on new medication now and it's really made a difference.  I was taking Risperidal and Effexor too.  They weren't the right medications for me.  I went into a full panic right in the doctor's office.  Everything just came rushing out.   I was so scared, but thankfully my doctor was so calm.  You can get relief.  There is help out there.  Just describe everything that's going on and your doctor will know what to do.   

 

Hope you feel better soon.

 

Pond

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