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Feeling really pissed off.  I've tried loads of meds, I had a combination that worked.  Now it's stopped, quite spectacularly. I'm paranoid, hugely depressed and can't seem to get out of it.  The paranoia is affecting my relationship and friendships. But somehow I can't stop it.  The depression is fucking awful.  I've been feeling like it for over a year now and nothing is helping.

 

Have an appointment with my psych on Friday and will insist on trying something new, but I have no idea what.  Lithium and Depakote made me sick.

 

Lamotrigine, fluoxetine, quetiapine and abilify just aren't working for me anymore.  I don't know where to go with my meds.

 

Oh and my meds have made me put on loads of weight, which REALLY helps when you already feel like a bag of shite.  So yay...I'm a proper little ray of sunshine.

 

I'm BP1, I have PTSD from my awful childhood (which affects my interpersonal relationships something awful and makes it hard for me to trust people and maintain friendships) and a soupcon of BPD just for good measure.

 

I know everyone is different, but anyone got any other suggestions before I pop my head in the microwave and turn it up to full and zap myself for a couple of minutes to see if that works (I'm joking...)

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Ok, no microwaves I say! No, no, no!

 

There are so many other meds and combo of meds that you can try if those listed are the only ones you have tried. It takes some people years and years and years to even find a combo that is halfway decent for them. Sorry I know that sounds negative!

 

Anyways, what doses are you on for your current meds? It is usually best to increase a current med or meds than it is to drop everything in favor of all new meds. And it is usually best to do it one at a time. Otherwise you never know which med is causing what. All of this I have learned from the pdocs I have seen. And I've seen lots.

 

And are you in therapy? That can help loads as well.

I hope your appointment goes well and that you can increase some of your meds to get you feeling better soon!

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Don't worry no microwaves...besides, my microwave is RUBBISH, it's on its last legs.

 

I'm on 400mg Lamotrigine, 40mg Fluoxetine, 10mg Abilify, 400mg Quetiapine.  The Quetiapine makes me really drowsy the next morning, so I don't like it.  The plus side is that it makes me sleep (let's not go near the crazy dreams I get!), but I'm sure I could take other things to help with the sleep (which is awful, always!).  However, my GP point blank refuses to prescribe benzos, despite the fact that I've had Diazepam many times over the years for the anxiety and never shown any signs of addiction to it.  I've managed to only ever take it when I'm really anxious.  I'm sure my psych would, but I get my refills from my GP, who is an arse.

 

I'm definitely going to have to talk to my psych about the meds, cos this concoction isn't working at all.  The depression is pretty crippling, and if my carer wasn't living with me, I wouldn't ever get out of bed, except to feed the dog and let him out into the garden.  I'm suffering so bad with agoraphobia that I don't leave the house unless I'm with my carer, and then only on the proviso that he take me home as soon as I say, which is usually pretty quickly.  I find socialising with anyone (even close friends) exhausting and stressful, and 18 months ago this wasn't the case and I was holding down a full time job.  I've not worked since then as I struggle to leave the house and am so crippled with the depression.  I'm on benefits at the moment, but I'm on low rate of DLA and because the government here in the UK is slashing benefits left, right and centre, I'm afraid to challenge the status quo in case they decide that I'm not entitled to them at all after all.

 

No therapy at the moment. I would struggle to get to the appointments in any case as my carer works full time as well as caring for me in the evenings and mornings.  I had a CPN for a while, but at the time I was functioning in my job and his attitude was that I didn't need a CPN because I am articulate and intelligent.  What a pathetic attitude.  Very few people with mental illness are plain thick, or I've not met any so far that are, in any case.

 

I may talk to my psych about some therapy and take it from there.  I know I couldn't do group therapy cos I wouldn't say a word which, given that words used to be my favourite things until the illness took over, is a pain in the arse.

 

Cheddar is good...but brie is better (in my humble opinion!).

 

Thanks for your kind reply.

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hehehe I've never had brie! (Note to self - must try!)

 

That really sucks that your meds have completely pooped out. I hope your psych has some answers for you. And can you get a new GP? Sounds like he/she is not helpful at all. Ugh. I am not sure how that works in the UK though. I would hope that a person could get a new GP if the current one sucks.

 

And I've been there with the agoraphobia and depression too. I totally get where you are coming from.

 

I'll be thinking about you friday hoping your appointment with your psych goes very well!!! Post or blog as much as you need to until then.

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Yup, they've pooped out (I love that term!)

 

There are other GPs at the surgery, but they seem to work funny hours and my carer can't take me, and I can't go on my own.  Pathetic, but true.  I'm just apathetic. I have no energy to do anything much.  Getting washed and dressed is quite a challenge at the moment, and it's pissing me off.  Part of it I'm sure is the Seroquel sedation.  Bleurgh.

 

Going to have to speak to my psych about a meds overhaul, and perhaps a start all over again.  He doesn't want to raise my dose of Lamotrigine any further, and neither do I really.  But I'm not sure what else we can go for really...

 

Thanks for your comments, they've cheered me up and been helpful.

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I know everyone is different, but anyone got any other suggestions before I pop my head in the microwave and turn it up to full and zap myself for a couple of minutes to see if that works (I'm joking...)

^ That made me laugh wicked hard.

I've been on the med roller coaster for years and it sucks. I'm on 6 different meds right now-was on eight. I've had to increase/add AD when i get too low, drop them when I get too high. Add new meds ones when old ones stop working-or when the side effects are unbearable or when my moods change.

 

Therapy has helped me a lot. And keeping a med/mood journal daily. That way when i see my tdoc we can see when moods change (and if adjustments made any difference), see when i am stable, how my anxiety levels vary each day, week, month. Lots of benefits to keeping track of it each day.

I don't get too detailed in mine (I save that for my regular journal) so i am more likely to do it, even when i feel like shit. Some days I just mark off what i took, how much sleep i got and single words to describe how I feel or what's going on  that day (agitated, crying, talkative, spendy, did i bathe/eat/talk to friends). I also write down how my sleep was-if i had nightmares, sleep paralysis, woke up frequently.

It saves time in appts-especially if you rarely see your tdoc and have limited time with them. And it's a good way to look at the big picture if you look over, say, a month or just week of entries. Hope this helps! A BP friend recommended it to me a while back & it has helped me. Good luck & keep us posted!

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I've been through lots of meds and this past year have found luck with a combo of Lamotrigine & Latuda, with an occasional half Xanax to calm down if I'm experiencing panic and an Ambien to sleep.  

Regular exercise, routine, and decent nutrition have helped, but I still struggle sometimes, especially if there's a change to my routine. Good luck and keep us posted. 

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Thanks for the replies folks.  Psych has taken away the anti depressants and the abilify as neither of us felt I was getting any benefit from it.  Lamotrigine has upped slightly and the quetiapine is going to continue to be edged up over the course of the next few months.  I was glad to see the back of 2 meds that didn't seem to do anything except give me more pills to swallow.  However, I'm not keen on the quetiapine because of the sedating effect and the wacky dreams.  Anyhow, we've decided between us to whack it up and see how I go.  Mainly because I've been in a depression for about 18 months that I just can't seem to snap out of, except on some days.  I had about a week when I could feel myself scaling upwards (and that's despite the meds!), but other than that I'm a miserable cow.

 

I do keep a mood diary, which was helpful when I went to see my psych this time as I handed him a piece of paper explaining clearly how I'd been feeling and we then had something to base the session on.  He's the best psych I've had.  I really can talk to him about anything, he listens, we discuss the options together, and he is very supportive.  My last psych, I was in and out in 10 minutes flat.  This guy doesn't make you feel hurried.  This last appointment, I was in there for about 40 minutes while we hashed out what to do about the meds.

 

He has also said if I need letters of support for the Department of Work and Pensions should my DLA or ESA be assessed, I could count on his support, which is really comforting.

 

Glad I gave you a laugh Jaytea, that was the idea.  Serious and stupid is the way forward for me, I think!  :)

 

I know what you mean about a change of routine Dreamer. The mere idea stresses me out. My partner never knows whether telling me about social gatherings is best ages before so I can get the idea into my head, or a few days before so I don't have too much time to panic.  I really try and go to these things, even if only for an hour or so, just for my partner's sake.  I don't want to feel like I am curtailing his life too much, but he knows how hard it is for me and always says that I should tell him as soon as I want to leave.  He will often take me home and then go back, which seems to work well for us.  And then I have at least shown my face for his friends.  We can always find a plausible excuse for me to leave.

 

Getting about 11 hours sleep a night...bloody quetiapine...and the craziest dreams!  I have 3 maybe 5 hours of feeling really awake and able to get things done during the day because it leaves me feeling so drugged each time I up the dose.  It sucks.  Otherwise, no other discernible change this end :huh:

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Thanks for the update littlewing!
 

I'm glad you have found a good pdoc.Sometimes I think that is half the battle right there. lol It's not easy to find a good one!

 

I hope the quetiapine helps you. Some people find that higher doses do not make them as drowsy as low doses. I hope that happens for you!

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