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The pendulum swings


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I've posted many times whining about the crap state that I've been in since last June when I completely lost it and took an overdose (followed by coma and then 2.5 months in psychiatric clinic).

Anyway, the depression and despair have had such a grip on me this whole time that I was literally spending entire days doing nothing but renting DVD's and lying on the sofa.  I let my garden (which is normally my pride and joy) go to complete hell.  I never went out and stayed socially distant from most of my friends.

UNTIL LAST WEEK.  Now, boom!  I'm on the upswing which might sound great, but just wait a second.  It started after the man who completely dumped me for no reason got back in touch with me and asked if he and I might give it another try.  Mind you, he was one of the largest triggers that sent me into a psychotic state in the first place.  Now I'm buzzing around, getting things done, had a huge "chicks night" party at my place Saturday, ripped the carpet out of my sons room and re-did the hardwood floors (by hand).

Yep, manic state is setting in.  The credit card has already come out and I bought some beautiful lingerie that I completely can't afford because I'm currently unemployed.  I've also agreed to let said ex-boyfriend come to France in two weeks to "talk".  Hence, lingerie purchase no doubt even though I know this guy is dangerous for me.  I'm still in love with him and the fact that he's paying attention to me has me on cloud nine.  This is not good.

Any suggestions?  I don't want to go back to the land of the lost, but I'm not sure how to keep this manic (not eating, not sleeping) thing from taking over.  I'm having no problems with my meds and nothing has changed there.

Hope someone can offer some advice.

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Any suggestions?  I don't want to go back to the land of the lost, but I'm not sure how to keep this manic (not eating, not sleeping) thing from taking over.  I'm having no problems with my meds and nothing has changed there.

Well, the main way to stopping mania fast is a nice heaping spoonful of an AP.  That's the med side of it.

Sounds like this is more a response to a specific trigger than a full blown mania.  You said your ex was a major trigger in the past.  It sounds like he is still.  My advice would be to avoid said trigger before it gets to the point that you can't control it.  I would retract your offer to allow him to come to France and talk.  Make it clear that your reaction makes it clear to you that you aren't ready to deal with him at this time.  If he truly cares about you, he will respect that.  You need to get yourself stable.  Once that happens, then maybe you can deal with things that tend to cause instability.  But that's just my opinion.

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Oh Roosle, I kind of agree with synthetic.  An AP might be what you need to bring you down to earth right now but this guy...I don't know...I'd hate to see you get obliterated again.  I see major trigger alert.  Red flags are waving! As Cerberus would say : Danger Will Robinson.

I had a woman in my life that I couldn't shake for damn near 7 years.  Sometimes in my life, sometimes just in my psyche.  She made me absolutely crazy...I was her totaly love slave and believe it or not she was straight! (Kinda...)  It was a mess.  Not the same as your situation to be sure but ultimately, the same results...I would always end up cycling out of control and paying dearly emotionally.

Be careful, dear.  I'm not going to tell you not to see him.  I'm not your mother haha.  But just know that this is just (to me) screaming bad idea...especially if the horses are already out of the gate.

Karen

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Roosie--Thank you for your post-I have been in the total depths of the most horrid depression for about 2 months now, which is an eon for me ( I usually cycle m oh, 2 or 3 times a day) and I can't get out .  I amtaking all my meds, including the antidepressants and mood stabalizers and al that shit, and I just seems to be getting worse and worse.

Al I want to do is eat Klonopin and sleep and stay in bed and cry--and think about the fact that I am no good to anyone.

I do not know the trigger--I wish I could pin this on a relationship, even a bad one, so thre would be something concrete. I know it has a lot to do with my re-location and my Crohn's disease, but its more than that, I feel in my bones.  I feel totally useless and worthless and I am thinking, often, how everyone would be better off without me.  No plans, no ideations, but one of the deepest depressions I have ever experienced.

I almost--hell, I DO--envy your manic state--and new undies?  wow. And a man to impress?  even better.  But I can'te even remember what thats like.

Be careful, dear, I know those swings, I know those men, oh so well-- I would love some company but I do NOT not want you down here with me because the man ended up being the rat (thatnks, Holly G. for that pharase) we all thought he was)  Be safe, be cautious, take your meds-

Meanwhile, I thnink I still have a few Klonpin, so its off to stupid TV and bed--

Jesus, I want this to be over--

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