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Not in a good place right now.


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I'm upset, but not really depressed-depressed. I got called for work last night but I was too tired to go, so tired that I hadn't charged my phone. I didn't find out until this morning. Waited all day for maybe a call today, but there was nothing. So a little bit ago I got a call to go in to a firm to work, but then the company cancelled.

Money is tight right now. I did work 32 hours this week, but I was hoping for 40. I feel very very tired from insomnia, my seasonal allergies (which have been so bad that I've been nauseated for over two weeks) and the heat, plus other issues.  I'm taking my meds and trying to do everything right. But I'm tired. I want to give up, so much. The constant struggle with very little downtime is getting me down, and while my BF is extremely supportive, there's only so much he can do since he lives in another state. I don't have any other emotional support and I have way too much on my plate right now, which is why I came here. 

My exhaustion is making me want to end it. I know that's the exhaustion talking, but still.

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 I feel very very tired from insomnia, 

 

This jumped right off the page at me. Getting enough sleep is crucial.  Do you have a nice quiet safe getting to bed routine?   Can you take a sleep aide or if not, an couple advil or tylenol pm?  You seem to have so much going on that one day at a time, one hour at a time, one nights' sleep at a time could make a huge difference.  Not sleeping can heighten create emphasize all parts of depression.  Perhaps focusing on that one issue for now will ease everything else off into the background. I'm sorry you are feeling so exhausted and down.

Edited by water
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I think that's a good idea.

 

I don't have a sleep schedule because I'm always on call for work. However, I love sleeping during the day. It's so soothing. And I like meditating before going to sleep.  I think if I get some sleep, everything else will actually fall into place because my mind will be clearer and I'll stop feeling like I'm inside a hamster wheel.

 

Oddly enough I don't really feel hypomanic. I just have insomnia, probably from my allergies bothering me, and anxiety over things. 

 

Question: is there a good way of soothing one's self? I mean, I do the bath thing and all, and meditation helps, but I need some way of calming down my mind without involving food or overspending. 

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