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Dysphoric mania and obsessive thoughs?


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I get horrible obsessive thoughs. My bipolar is mostly mixed or dysphoric mania and i just cannot stop these thoughts from appearing in my head:

 

"My boyfriend is angry with me" :  I will ask him a million times during a day, wether he is mad at me. For no reason. I will also tell him not to be angry with me. I feel very obsessed.

 

Also i get obsessed about things I say. Like mostly, when im mixed or manic I will talk and talk and talk and then I will obsess about everything i just said and talk about it more and feel the need to explain everything. When my boyfriend asks me to let it go, it's impossible. I feel obsessed to truly explain it and get stuck in a mode where i feel like he doesnt ~understand~ what i just said. It feels like there are so many thoughts in my head that when i try to explain them it comes out wrong and then i cant stop trying to tell people what i "really meant" even when i don't know what i really meant myself. Its extremely stressfull and annoy to me boyfriend. When I'm mixed i cannot let anything go, it seems. I feel like everything needs to end only after people understand my thoughts, but i can never seem to explain them, so its neverending.

 

Does anyone else feel like this? Any tips on how to deal with it? It's driving me crazy, cause my meds have me pretty constantly at hypomania (not mania that often lately) and it will easily switch to dysphoric hypomania and these thoughts make me feel like baning my head against the wall or hurting myself or something. It's constant and tiring. For both me and people close to me. :/

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i get obsessive thoughts when i'm in this state too.  sorry you do, it sucks.

 

i have to use the STOP thing, once i was taught to visualize a stop sign every time the thought comes back or i catch myself saying something about it.  that didn't do much for me, but if i picture smashing the hell out of the stop sign for some reason it works.  probably because i feel so physically revved up i wanna smash something anyway.  so yeah.  if i do that enough times it backs off a little.

 

most importantly i tell my tdoc or pdoc.  it's a sign something is wrong that needs a med fix usually.  and my tdoc helps me find other things to think about besides whatever the obsession is (usually something to do with death for me).

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I agree with the above. I get obsessive thoughts about animals being hit by a car or tortured.

One thing that works for me is a type of chanting, for example a humm "hhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnnn" sound. Make this sound outloud and it kind of changes my focus briefly. There are a variety of calming videos available on the web. Ill try to post one for you.

 

def call your Dr Though

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My tdoc won't be back until August. I have an appointment with him when he's finished with vacation. I guess I could call the local psych center for a crisis appointment, but I don't really like talking to strangers. I will if it gets really bad, though. :/

 

Thanks for the video, and for the tips from both of you! I will definitely try them. It's nice to know im not alone in having thoughts like this...

 

The last hour I've also had self-harming thoughts. Not like i get when im having a major depressive episode, but almost like just wanting to and seeing it inside my head. Like seeing the knife or seeing my head banging into things really hard. I am able to resist but it's really intruding. Does anyone feel like this? And it's escalting really quick? I didn't feel this bad yesterday, just mildly hypomanic and angry. Now it's much harder to deal with. :/

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I don't really know. Right now it feels like I'm actually switching between being mixed and being euphoric which at the very least feels a lot better than just having dark thoughts. :P  I'm still unstable, but I don't think it's escalating. Which is good. But my boyfriend just went away to another city, and my only family member is going to London tomorrow which makes me a bit worried as I don't like being alone when I feel this bad. I'm trying to fix it best I can, so I'm going to see if I can meet a close friend of mine tomorrow and told my best friend, who is currently in another country, that it would be awesome if I could skype with her a bit every night. She also has a lot of MI's, so she was very understanding. 

 

So, yeah, just trying to do calming things and keeping myself occupied right now and make take some precautions for if it gets any worse by telling people and being around calming folks.

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glad to hear you're making a plan for what to do - you're right that being alone isn't a good idea right now.  telling people is GREAT, it's not something many of us will allow ourselves to do when we're ill, so you are on your game!

 

having said that, make sure the ER is also part of your plan, and don't be afraid to go there.  all the good company in the world can't stop a mixed state, they can just help you tolerate it better and stop you from doing things you'll regret later.  do you have PRN meds on hand just in case?

 

i hope these few days are calmer for you.  visiting here is also a good distraction!

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