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This is highly embarrassing for me to admit, but I am 24 and I've never been in a relationship.  Once I get past the first couple dates and physical intimacy is looming, I find a reason never to see the guy again.  It has been a year since I even went on a first date!

 

I have some trauma-related issues from my childhood, and the thought of anyone touching my body makes me want to vomit.  I also imagine that most men will be scared away by someone with A) no experience and B) crazy emotional baggage.

 

I've been feeling hopeless about ever being able to be in a relationship, and the thought of being alone for the rest of my life makes me wonder if I would be better off dead.

 

I don't know what to do.  Maybe things will improve in time?  Can anyone relate?  I feel pathetic.  

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Hi Lifequake. 

I can relate. It's only recently I realised why I panic whenever any guys show interest in me. 

I worked through some of the memories in therapy and my therapist is trained in sensorimotor therapy. I found this book really helpful and it has exercises you can do alone to get more comfortable with your body (non-sexual touch etc).

 

It helped me to educate  my partner a lot. He looks for signals that I'm dissociating or not okay, and if he picks up on those he stops and cuddles me and reassures me that I'm safe. I'm already feeling a lot more comfortable and being triggered less.

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I can so relate. I was like 27 when I had my first I would say serious and long term relationship.

I too was thinking I'd never get married. That I was going to be alone forever. That I'd never have a long term relationship. I felt. I Had too many commitment issues and that I was afraid of having real and intimate sex. I found reasons why not to see many many guys again once I even suspected he was thinking about possibly becoming intimate in any manner. I hated my body and the thought of anyone touching me left me feeling like I could vomit. I have trauma in my past too.

But I'll tell you that one instance one moment in time can change your life. I met my husband because on a whim he decided to join a coworker for a few drinks. A group of them were going out. My friend and also coworker invited me to tag along. It was then that I saw him and he aske dfor my number in a very shy manner and did not pressure me one bit. I felt more at ease knowing that I could trust him to not pressure me into having intimacy that I was not really in the right frame of mind for. He made me feel very secure and he was fun to be around! I felt like I could be myself. MI and everything else that I am.

It does and can happen to anyone! Love may be just around the corner. I'm not trying to say its so simple and easy because it is not easy all the time. Just saying it does happen!

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yea I can relate. I've never been involved with anyone, never even gotten close to any level of intimacy ever. and my way of coping with it is by staying with the resulting disdain I have for people - recognizing it as important and purposeful and involving myself in solitary activity. not a rose colored picture but that's how it is for me. plus it avoids the self-loathing and desperation that people tend to despise.

Edited by NullChamber
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I think the best approach is to become friends first.  If you have absolute trust with someone, the physical part will fall into place eventually.  It just takes meeting the right person.

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I was a virgin until I was 24...I always freaked out when guys showed an interest in me prior to that, and the only reason I finally got my groove on was because I was manic and hypersexual. So then I screwed around, but for the wrong reasons, i.e., because of the crazy. I had been afraid no one would want me because of my inexperience...it turned out not to be true; I had no problem getting laid once I got over that misconception. 

 

My father has emotionally and verbally abused me my entire life - I am still afraid to let someone emotionally close to me because part of me associates male companionship with abuse. It is REALLY hard. 

 

I didn't fall in love and have a serious relationship until I was 37. That was when I was finally ready. 

 

It is a process. It might take a long time, but it can happen for you.

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I have had trouble with physical and emotional intimacy for as long as I can remember. Therapy (EMDR & other) has helped me to understand the "why" & I am still working on the "how" of being physically intimate. Some days are harder than others!  I met someone wonderful that is a bit shy, doesn't pressure me into anything, has gone to therapy with me to learn more about trauma, and understands that I need to do things in baby steps. I didn't realize how important this was for me until I met him-I've never gone out with someone so understanding & caring that I can trust and feel safe with...and I'm in my late 30's. So, it may take time.

I stopped looking and worked on me for 3 years after my last relationship. I did not intend to be single for that long and I did get lonely. But I was freaked out about getting close-I felt like I had too much baggage to be appealing. Figured I'd be alone with my dogs forever!! 

Taking things slowly and building trust are essential for me to be involved with someone, i understand now.

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