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Distorted Thinking & Victimisation


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So I'm trying so VERY hard to assess my behavior and the way I interact with others. Here's what I've come up with;

 

I have very distorted thinking and have trouble seeing the other persons  (BF mostly) POV. I have trouble seeing what I do wrong and always have a sense of being a victim. I see my BF as all bad all the time. Now he does a lot of crap that I morally don't agree with, but in most situations of daily life, I'm the victim. And its been tis way for all of my relationships. If someone could referee my conversations, I'm sure they would see the distortion of my behavior.

 

So now what? Does this seem to be more of a borderline issue? Or bipolar?

 

I would like to add that I also have some other issues such as forgetfulness, brain fog & struggling with words.

 

Forgive me if I put this in the wrong forum

Edited by deeschmee
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I'm no expert. But I do the opposite, when I feel bad about myself I'm super nice to everyone because I believe I'm the one at fault. It's good that you recognise that this behaviour is unhealthy. I do have to point out that if you agree with a lot of things he does including his moral stance then it might be time to reconsider all angles of this relationship. In an argument I find it's very rarely one persons fault. Can you physically write out a list and try and figure it out? But then again mind reading is no good, so sometimes the healthy thing is to go ahead and ask.

I'm not sure about the brain issues, any med changes lately?

I don't think it's a bipolar thing, but I'm not an expert.

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Thanks. What I've been trying to do is stop, and assess my feelings and also what I've just said. Then I try to evaluate whether or not I've acted that way to him. I am hard to please a lot of the time and I also shut down a lot. Its very exhausting to constantly monitor my thoughts, feelings and words

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You know, if you really think it's BPD, you should discuss this with your pdoc or tdoc and find out about DBT. I know some people that have done DBT and it really works if you're willing to put in the time and effort required. There are lots of people around here that know a lot more about BPD than I do. However, I do know that DBT will make a huge difference if you can find a place where it's offered in your area. BPD or not, DBT will teach you coping skills that are good for anyone. If you can't find a class in your area, I believe there are online classes but they aren't as good as the face-to-face groups. You might want to ask about this in the BPD area. The folks that mod that board know their stuff.  

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That's just it, I've been going to a dbt group run by my counselor. We read excerpts from a mindfulness book out loud and then leave.

Someone here mentioned Diary entries and Homework cards. This group doesn't do any of that.

 

Maybe I need another evaluation or another counselor. Or an actual psychiatrist. idk

Thank you for the feedback :)

 

 

ps. personal events in my life ex. loss of income, no friends or family are a major major major issue with my mood

Edited by deeschmee
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That's just it, I've been going to a dbt group run by my counselor. We read excerpts from a mindfulness book out loud and then leave.

Someone here mentioned Diary entries and Homework cards. This group doesn't do any of that.

 

Maybe I need another evaluation or another counselor. Or an actual psychiatrist. idk

Thank you for the feedback :)

 

 

ps. personal events in my life ex. loss of income, no friends or family are a major major major issue with my mood

That doesn't sound like a real DBT class. At least not any I've heard of. Are you reading one of the Marsha Linehan books? From what I know, she is the "gold standard" for DBT. You should be having homework. You should have papers that you have to fill out daily. DBT is work. It doesn't sound like you're really "doing" DBT. Sounds more like a book club without the discussion part. 

 

if it were me, I would definitely find a good pdoc who can help you with a real diagnosis. Knowing what you're actually dealing with would help a lot. IMO, DBT is good for anyone. However, if your funds are limited at this point in time, you'd be better off getting a diagnosis and concentrating your funds/attention towards the methods/meds that are well known to help people with your diagnosis.

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Thank you for the input. I'm really struggling right now and my counselor has noticed and called to check up on me.

 

The nice thing is I have medicade and it pays for a lot.

How would I know how to find a proper p-doc who would be a good fit? My therapy for the past 5 years has mainly been relaxed talk therapy. I think I need more structure.

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If you've got a therapist that you trust, I'd ask him/her. The therapist will most likely know a lot of the pdocs in town. Ask for a list of people that your therapist thinks will be a good fit for you. Hopefully you'll get a few names and then you can call them on the phone and see who seems like the best fit to you. You might want to schedule some interview appointments or phone conversations. I've always been able to tell fairly quickly if I'd be able to work with someone or not. Sometimes it comes down to who will take your insurance. Good luck!

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