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I thought id post something which has been on my mind a lot lately when I was little I was "sexually abused" the reason I put it like that is because sometimes I doubt myself as to whether it was abuse or not I mean maybe I kind of  did something to initiate it so im going to explain it because I need some advice about if it was abuse or not.. it started when I was 6 and my neighbour a 17 year old lad (I was friends with his sister) starting asking me to perform a act for him and I said no and this happened a few times and then one time I had no shoes on and he took them and put them on top of the wardrobe and he stood in front of the door and told me he wouldn't give me my shoes back unless I did that thing for him and I was crying ect. and it started from there on and then it happened about once a week he would always take me away from the group of friends and take me somewhere quiet and ask me to do these things im not sure if he ever made a specific threat to me other than don't tell anyone because they wont believe you and you'll get taken into care and I remember one time I was in a tent in the garden and he came in and zipped it up so it was just me and him and he made me do it again and when someone came over to the tent he hid me behind him this happened for 3 years until he moved I have been having like flashbacks lately I remember his voice and his smell and it makes me feel sick and It upsets me. I just think I need to sort this out in my head as ive never been to councelling for it but I need to know was I abused? or was this more like a relationship? I know that sounds weird but he called me his girlfriend so my head is messed up about this

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You were six years old.  There is absolutely nothing that a six year old could EVER do that would make it okay for a seventeen year old to do sexual things to them.  That's not a relationship it's abuse.

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I echo Tryp, that was not a relationship, it was abuse. I'm so sorry that you're having awful memories lately. Is there anything you can do to soothe yourself when you feel these memories coming on? Something comforting and that makes you feel safe? 

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Yes.

Children who are seven can eaily be made to do things even without threats. But that doesn't make it okay for people to do that.

Children who are seven are not, I think, old enough to come up with such ideas themselves unless they've been taught. Which is abuse.

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ok thanks at the time I didn't know it was abuse or anything I knew I hated it but it wasn't til years later when I saw something on tv about someone who had been abused and then I realised and told my parents they were good with it at first but then we just stopped talking about it like it was a taboo subject and weve never talked about it since but there is one thing that bothers me is before it came out they got given a wardrobe off next door and it was the one in his room and they've still got it and its exactly the same as what it was then they don't have much money so they cant afford a new one it just upsets me that they've still got it

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It makes sense to me that it would be upsetting for you to see the wardrobe every time. I still cross the street when I pass my former abuser's former house. He hasn't lived there for a decade.

Do you think that you could paint it? Would seeing it a new colour help? Or could you go to a thrift store and buy them a newer replacement that looks different?

Do you currently have a care provider? I think that you might get a lot of benefit from printing out what you said here and showing it to them.

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im not currently seeing anyone for this other than my gp im trying to get counselling tho I don't live with my parents anymore but its there and I don't say anything about it because I don't want to upset them

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im not currently seeing anyone for this other than my gp im trying to get counselling tho I don't live with my parents anymore but its there and I don't say anything about it because I don't want to upset them

 

I'm so sorry about what happened. What your neighbor did was unconscionable and unquestionably abusive.

 

And I completely understand about the wardrobe. I don't know your parents but I would take that wardrobe and burn it in the backyard if I could.  It is possible they would get rid of it immediately if they only knew.  Sometimes you need to upset your parents.  It does depend on the parent but every single time my girl has not told me something because she thought I would be upset, I wasn't upset and only unhappy she waited so long to tell me. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

This is very sad and definitely abuse. I also can't talk to my parents about the sexual abuse I experienced from the age of about 3 (it could have been happening before but I just don't know). My abuser was my grandfather who unfortunately is still alive today. This has created a strange relationship between me and my father who doesn't officially know that his father abused both me and my sister when we were young. My father does know however that this man has abused every other female in the family. It must upset my father to know this and so he doesn't speak about it openly although my mother has told me. It is a very unfortunate situation and I don't know what to do about it either.

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