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im new and im a cutter!


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Its refreshing to find a site where i can discuss my addiction...im 22 and a single mother of a six year old! I didnt start cutting until i was about 19 but i had a disturbing childhood (like a lot of people) and it seems like my pain never stops ive tried different things to swallow the pain i engulfed myself in things i enjoyed doing cooking, reading, writing, and taking care of my son i graduated out of highschool valedictorian, graduated out of culinary arts at the top of my class, got hired in right after graduation and still the pain doesn't go away tried talking to my family (good that did) they called me crazy and stupid my mom called it a demon!! I never do it around my son or anywhere he can see but im afraid its going to get worse i feel weak and i hate that i cut i dont know what to do to stop it! Ive tried everything

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Welcome to CB, itty_bitty. :) You've found a supportive place. 

 

I'm sorry your family wasn't very supportive of you. That must have been really hard. 

 

Have you taken a look at some of the pinned threads in this forum? They have great ways to stop cutting. I particularly like this thread: http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/43071-i-wanted-to-self-harm-today-instead-i/

 

You've mentioned some things you've tried in the past, those are all really positive things and I commend you for trying so hard. 

 

Keep fighting, and keep popping into chat if you need to! I saw you in chat! 

 

We're all here to support you. 

 

Edited to add: Just a PSA, but we ask that new members read the User Agreement, just so you know how things run around here. 

Edited by Parapluie
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Hey, that's awesome that you haven't cut in a month! 

 

What kind of strategies have you been using to avoid cutting? 

 

Again, super awesome that you haven't been cutting, good for you. :) 

 

Keep posting here and reading here if it helps!

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I usually cook, clean, read, write, watch TV, I try anything to distract myself from the current pain or anxiety I feel the newest one is sitting in my sons room and talking to him but that's starting to not work because I start to feel like I'm a horrible mother for being a cutter!! But everyday I try something new anything to fight it!!

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I usually cook, clean, read, write, watch TV, I try anything to distract myself from the current pain or anxiety I feel the newest one is sitting in my sons room and talking to him but that's starting to not work because I start to feel like I'm a horrible mother for being a cutter!! But everyday I try something new anything to fight it!!

 

You are not a horrible mother for cutting. That in no way makes you a horrible mother. When you became a mother, you did not become super human. You are still human, with struggles and vulnerabilities. And that's okay. I promise you are not a horrible mother. 

 

I like that you sit and talk with your son. I think that's a good way to spend quality time with him. It's a good way to get to know him. How old is your son? I'm sure he loves having his mom come sit with him. :) I would have been thrilled to have my mother sit with me and talk with me when I was younger. 

 

I am very proud of you, Itty_bitty. You are fighting really hard. Have you thought of rewarding yourself for doing so well? Maybe do something nice for yourself, to reward your hard work. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am glad that you have found us :)

 

You are in no way a horrible mother or person. You cope with things in a self destructive manner and need support and help, not criticism. Keep talking and I will keep listening.

 

Ditto Parapluie on rewarding yourself for the small things. Keep trying and you will get there

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I just wanted to add my welcome and say you are not a horrible mother!   You have accomplished some wonderful things!   It's great that you've gone a month.  

 

And I'm sorry also that your family, especially your mother, were not more supportive when you tried to talk to them. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Welcome to our crazy world we live in.Welcome to the board and congrats on not cutting anymore Ive been there and got scars on my arm to show I have been there.Were here for you I joined to meet new friends on here and met a few who have been very supportive also youre not a Horrible person it takes guts to reach out and say you need help some go without saying a word until its too late and they've already made their choice before taking their own lives.I know its hard to think rationally when youre in that cutting state of mind al you think about is that am I right or wrong.Just know I am here for you and so are a lot of other people on here hugs

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