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I'm a mix of health, mental and personal problems. Lost/hopeless


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Hello,
 
I'm 26 y.o. male and I would really appreciate any help. I'm starting to loose hope.
 
Things written bellow are really confusing and I apologize. I alose apologize for my English, as it isn't my first language. I apologize for my behiavor, too, and I apologize for this very long post.
 
Symptoms:
 
- very poor memory
- diarrhea (most of the time, specialy last few years)
- oversleeping and problems falling asleep
- iritated by sounds, such as dog barking, sometimes even birds singing.
 
Problems in life:
 
- inability to learn
- no motivation, no purpuse
- ZERO self-confidance
- problems concentrating
- anxiesty, hard time being in sociacity
- changing tasks and positions
- gambling problems (not because of fun or something, but because of unability to understand long-run and thefore I use wrong bankroll managment at poker and sports betting)
- very hard time making eye contact
- therefore depression
- masturbation addiction since I was like 6 or something, and later on (from 10 yo, when I got internet) you can call it porn addiction, but it's more the same I would say
- when things get a little bit more complex, I go away from problems, OR I argue that I'm right or I would just explode of 
 
Other:
 
- I had celiac disease from age 1-4, then I was diagnosed as treated. 
 
- Only medical thing I was diagnosed later on was allergy on like every possible thing one can be tested on (that was around age of 20)
 
- I'm a pretty addictive person, because I started smoking cigaretts when I was 13, drinking in high school (15-18), which I changed with marijuana smoking from 19-26. I stopped with smoking marijuana around 3 weeks ago. I guess we can add masturbating addiction, too.
 
---
 
 
 
Do you guys have any suggestions how would I solve my problems?
 
I think everything I do to solve my problems is wrong, or may be that I'm actualy right and self-diagonse and self-help would solve it 255-times faster. :) 
 
Firstly, I told my doctor (2 weeks ago), that I'm depressed. Then he gave me Cipralex. I find out I'm not actualy (only) depressed and that there more underlying reasons, so I didn't take it. 
 
Then, last week I told him about new reasons. Then he apointed me to the psychologist. 
 
I went there today, and it was too late, so I will go on thursday, but I told her I have memory problems, unability to learn (only planing HOW I will, but then some devil doesn't allow me to actualy learn), and that I had celiac desaease, but she said this isn't connected (while I already read about that, and it is a fact it IS connected).
 
I get a feeling for people really quickly, and I know she can't help me. She will have to apoint me to the psychiatrist. Maybe I'll need test myself for celiac desease, and see neurologist.
 
I also thought I may have ADHD, and that I have some kind of schizofrenia.
 
And then ... all in all ... I think there's like 0.001% chance someone can put all the mental, body and characther elements together. I think I should do it myself. I AM intelgent enough but I'm lacking organising skills, motivation, etc., so I'm hopeless again.
 
Furthermore, It's true I didn't learn a lot since like elementary school, and it may be that it's harder if you don't for a while, but still - I ALWAYS had really hard time learning by just reading. I had to always write it down and repeat to memorize it, but it never was that much logical thinking, you know ... I'm always just planning how I will learn, I open up tens of tabs in Firefox, download e-books, and then... I read nothing. Maybe 2 or 3 pages, and that's all. Well, I want to learn advanced poker and advanced things about being a better person. I always only wanted to have fun, nothing else. But I actualy worked since I finnished high scool. From 19-26 I was working the whole time with little breaks inbetween because I really can't hold a job for more then a year ... and now, I'm back at home at my parents, without money, job, without knowledge ... I just look retarted to myself. :(
 
 
Best regards,
Darko from Slovenia
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You probably won't like what I'm about to say...

 

Stop self diagnosing.

 

Work with your care team.

 

Use every tool in your arsenal to your fullest advantage.

 

A doc prescribes you meds? Take them as prescribed for AT LEAST 6 weeks.

You get set up with a therapist? Go and participate fully and learn what they can teach you. 

 

Use your "addictive personality" to help  you replace undesired behaviors with ones that support your overall health and wellbeing (ie exercise instead of internet poker). 

 

Did I mention stop self diagnosing?

 

I hope you find ways to help yourself effectively.

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Not really. He asked you what you thought. He agreed with it. He gave you a diagnosis, which may change.

 

Was he supposed to say, "No, I disagree, I am not going to treat you." He has two options: to believe you, or to not believe you. He decided to believe you. Bam, diagnosed. Which may change.

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You say you were diagnosed with Celiac, and as treated?

 

What do you mean by this?

 

The only treatment for Celiac Disease is a 100% gluten free diet. If you eat gluten, even a small amount, you will have symptoms. And a lot of those symptoms are mental & neurological. As well, Celiac Disease is an autoimmune disorder and is pretty much a life long disease.

 

The symptoms you mainly describe (difficulty learning, depression, anxiety, poor memory, poor concentration, diarrhea, sleep problems, sensory issues) are all related to Celiac Disease. If that is what you are diagnosed with, it sounds like your treatment is failing. You may need to look at your gluten intake.

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^ What these guys said. Ceiliac disease is not going to go away and can only be treated by focusing on your diet.

 

Self diagnosing is a terrible thing to get into, you should never start sticking every symptom into google and take the entire list of MI problems as what you have. It's good that your doctor listened to you, but you should at least give the medication he gave you a go before you start dismissing it and claiming you have something else. 

 

One step at a time. Take the help you are offered and follow through.. it is a far better solution than self diagnosing. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello after a while. I'm back.

 

Thank you for the responses.

 

 

Firstly, I must say I ended eating pills after 3 days. Because of 2 following reasons:

 

Firstly, it was feeling like my head is burning in the back side. Like actualy brain structure is changing. I felt the same when smoked (too much) of stronged weed, too, but there it only last like hour or so, here it last forever. And FOREVER is the thing I woudn't like. I wouldn't like just to endlesly change pills, because that's what you do after a while (tolerance ...), and what pills do, is also making you less effective in other areas, and also changing your personality. I DID actualy feel better, because it stopped my "rushing negative thoughts" and I was more relaxed (still). But I knew this wasn't me. Even if I DO have problems of not being able to still, waking up too early, bad memory, etc., I know it's just not normal being "erased". I'm not an operating system. I'm a human. Humans can learn. That's why I believe cognitive therapy CAN help me. As soon as I fix my insurance, as I have none at the moment, I will talk with some psychiatrist.

 

Secondly, it WAS a self-diagnose, and noone can say doctor was right just because he's a doctor. If I say "Hello, I have a depression"; "Here's your pills" just can not be the right response. Because in this case it was ME giving the diagnose. Doctor should asked for the symptoms, shouldn't he? He wasn't interested in one of those. I don't think this kind of comparing is needed, but still, let's say you come to the doc saying "I broke my leg". Will he just send you to the operation without actualy checking if there are any symtpoms? Without taking some pictures as an evidence? I hope you guys get me.

 

In this point, I think more background is actualy needed:

 

- I went to elementary school, I had good grades, although I had problem learning. But because I learned really hard, I actualy managed to go throught.

 

- My sister went to gimnasius as her high school choice. Because of that, and because I didn't know what to do with myself, and because I met a highly educated friend (he was 27 back then, and he was finnishing his degree) and he also said "of course you will go and make it". This was the first mistake I think (as i hated learning in high school, lying in bed for the days pretending i must so I won't be guilty of not learning, etc. - all of this, because I DO have hard time learning).

 

- When I went to the high school, I had the love of my life. It was my first girlfriend. We were dating since I was 15 till I was 18. We were together for the 3 years, 2 months, 1 day. :) She was same age as me. When we broke up, I needed 1 year to somehow get through it. I needed to TALK TO MYSELF for months, doing it 24/7 to talk myself into the fact I'm OK. Second mistake I think. If now, after I saw her surname changed on FB, meaning she got married, the fact itself still irritates me and I can't just forgive and allow her to be happy, how the f. did I get over it? I probably never did. Now this was the second time, I made a FACT based on what "others think is normal" or better said, it wasn't MY CHOICE actualy.

 

- Then comes my current girlfriend. She's 41 y.o. I would never met her, unless after the highschool I went to the capital city of our country to ... have fun, of course. And as I had this mindset, I was flirting with all alive souls avalible out there. And that's how she wrote down her telephone number in the bus itself and gave it to me. I called her - not because I would fell in love with her, but probably just because I wanted to have fun. And although she doesn't like holding hands, she doesn't like kissing, she beliefes sex is something she GIVES to me (like some present), and although she doesn't want kids (well, when I was smoking a lot I didn't want to, but that actualy WAS an racional choice I think, lol) .... I still made myself believe I love her, although I never did in a way I would love a girlfriend. I also made myself believe I don't want children for the rest of my life. That was the THIRD time I made myself believe something, I never believed.

 

By actualy changing my mind to diferent mindset is some kind of personality change I made to myself, too. As I smoked weed it probably only helped. :S

 

What I realize is, I'm actualy not the one making choices as most of the poeple do. I change my BELIEFS so they fit the current situation. That's because I don't want to hurt people. And MOST PROBABLY because of two things: my childhood (you know, Freud stuff...) and my memory/anxiety/allergy/etc. reasons. But not depresion - it MAY occoured because all of the reasons mentioned above, but still it's just a RESULT, not a real cause. After the all the causes are helated, the result can be IMHO like numers of times better, then those achived only by eating some chemistry.

 

So all of my "issues" are just the TOOLS I have, and I'm using them wrong, because the tools itself are like from the stone age and it's hard to do anything special with them. I should used them very wisely. But I haven't. Because I MADE myself think I'm like SO SMART, I made myself think I'M IN LOVE with someone I never truely was, and I MADE MYSELF all the things that actualy never existed. Maybe that's because I would never be able to hurt someone. (in fact I did, many of times, but let's leave this one alone :P) I kind of think there actualy was a moment in my life when I started to think like that. To not think what my unconcios mind already knew was a right choice. That's why, although I'm stuck at home with my parents, being 26 y.o. and I again making myself think this IS how it should be. Probably real ME would never believed this sh1t. I hate this part. It makes me feel so depersonalized and lost.

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Are you looking for us to support your self-diagnosis? We can't do that. We're not trained in diagnosing. We're not doctors, here.

What you can do, though, is print off what you told us and take it to your care provider. However, as it seems to me you don't have faith in your current pdoc. Maybe you should try to find another one, and let them come to their own diagnostic conclusions about you? How is working with your insurance going, in that regard?

 

For what it's worth, anti-depressants are indeed the standard medical treatment for depression. Yes some people have success with therapy as an adjunct, but anti-depressants really are the way that depression is treated. Perhaps your doctor is trying to teach you this lesson right now. Furthermore, maybe you've gotten so used to the feeling that you have lost track of you-you feels like? Smoking weed can really cloud what everything feels like. Are you still smoking?

 

I'm not really sure what else to tell you. Freud has his uses, but he also has a lot of bullshit to wade through. He's a bit of a crock-pot in places, even if he gets it right in others. Sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference.

Just so you know, everyone makes mistakes when growing up. Everyone struggles in high school. It's very common to have loves that don't work out, and even to continue to have feelings for those people for years afterward. I hope that you can learn to let things go, rather than to continue to see yourself as having made mistakes and punishing yourself for them. What does that serve to do, other than to continue to hurt you? You ask "how the fuck do I get over it?" Well. You learn to let it go.

So far as I can see, you've got the mental skills to do whatever needs doing - you just need help doing it. So work with your care team to do it. If that means getting your pdoc to help you find a therapist, then do that. If that means switching your pdoc, then keep working towards that.

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