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Object constancy vs self/ves-consistency

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Surprisingly, I have very strong object constancy. I tend to have absolute faith that stuff will still be around after I am gone.

Where it falls apart is my sense of self/ves in regard to the world. I am continuously surprised to wake up in the morning. It always shocks me that I haven't died during the night, and instead have managed to live to see another day. I am fairly certain that this is trauma-related.

Lately tdoc has been trying to work with me on the idea of consistency. That I am here, and move about in the world, and that I will continue to be here to move about in the world. Even if we switch, we will still be moving about in the world and not-dead. It feels like a bit of an insurmountable hurdle, actually.


Do you have difficulty with seeing yourself as a constant in the world? Or understanding that you will still be there to interact with it?

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Not sure it's the same thing you're asking about, but I have a hard time feeling connected to people, so I often tend to drift in and out of people's lives, which leads to a lack of external constancy. It's been better lately. 

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