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How to tell my SO I'm going back on meds? HELP


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Last summer, my boyfriend (who really dislikes the idea of medication) and I came to a joint decision that I should try going natural for a while. He thought I didn't really need the meds and I thought so too, plus I wanted so badly for it to be true that I agreed. I was already considering doing this, but I was nervous to try. The reason I ended up agreeing was because he told me that he would be there for me through thick and thin if it got hard again. This was such a huge relief to me because I have never had that before (I'm very private about my BP). He also has an MI (severe anxiety) but does not take anything for it or see a therapist.

I could tell how happy he was that I was attempting to live my life drug-free and was very supportive at first. I have made it a year but now that I am worse than I have ever been it is wearing on him. He told me the other night when we were having a small spat that he is "sick of me being so depressed all the time," which hurt terribly as he was the person I thought I could be honest with about my pain and bad days (because he told me to and that he could handle it) instead of putting up a front like I do with nearly everyone else, but I haven't been able to do that at all because he shuts down when I try to talk about it. No hugs or ice cream or letting me talk about it or anything. What makes it worse is that his anxiety was so severe last summer that I had to take care of him, take him to the hospital, be there for him, be supportive, and generally put up with everything for months, and still do when he needs me no matter how wearing it has been on myself.

So, I had to go to my doctor and get new prescriptions, some of which my she doubled for the time being because she feels I am at high risk. My issue is that I really don't know how to tell him that I need to be on them and stay strong in my own decision. I don't know how to ask him for support. He is an introvert and living with my family right now so he has been stressed about needing some alone time, and I have been needing just one shoulder to cry on that I thought understood somewhat of what I'm going through. I love him and I know he loves me and he generally treats me really well but we are growing so distant, I don't know what to do...

Edited by katie
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If you want to tell him because you don't want to hide it, I'd just say you've made this decision for your health and are letting him know, but that it isn't a matter for debate or discussion, that this is a personal decision you've made in consultation with your healthcare professionals. 

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Agree with all the above...take good care of yourself, you deserve to feel better...oh, and forgive me if I'm stepping out of line here...truly don't mean to offend or upset, BUT I'D LIKE TO GIVE YOUR UNGRATEFUL AND CONTROLLING SO A BIG SLAP!!!  Take care, girl...

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Personally, I would tell him now. You don't want him to think you're keeping something from him or that you're ashamed of your decision to go back on meds. Taking care of yourself is nothing to be ashamed of!

 

You tried it his way and learned a valuable lesson, but now it's time to focus on getting better. Just tell him that you made a decision with your healthcare provider, it's not up for debate, and that you need his support right now. You might also tell him that you can't be there for him unless you're taking care of yourself. Be strong, knowing you're doing the right thing.

 

Good luck!

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it was so hard to read your post - because you have a medical illness, Bipolar Disorder, Manic Depression is a biological illness and there are treatments.  Treatments which help most people.

 

Would he expect you to not take MEDICATION for diabetes or multiple sclerosis or rheumatoid arthritis?

 

It is just ignorance on his part.  So buy the guy a book. Or two.  Some folk say the Bipolar for Dummies is good.  There are lots of other book you can find on Amazon.

 

Bring him to your psychiatrist and let the doctor educate him.

 

And you were not 'drug free'......you were not taking your medications.  Big Difference.  After all, they are not happy pills.  My Lithium is not addictive.  Nor Depakote, Lamictal, or whatever you take.  Depression really needs to be treated. 

 

His anxiety is serious enough that he has gone to the ER but he is not in treatment, he is not in therapy???

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Thank you all SO SO much for the support and suggestions...you have no idea how much it means to me. I'm going to do just what you said and I do need to stick up for myself. You all made me feel much more confident in the situation.

 

Cowdog...Trust me, sometimes I do too. Or I want someone to do it for me. Haha

 

bpladybug...I know, he tried for a while and it helped tremendously but he still refuses medication so I think because nothing was really changing in his head or lifestyle, he stopped seeing her. I wish I could convince him to at least try something...but it's not my battle to fight for him so I have to respect his decisions.

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It's your body, your health and your decision. If he wants to go without treatment for his anxiety, that's his call but he has no right to expect you to do the same. I would tell him ASAP, keeping it a secret will just cause more problems. You have nothing to apologize for. I agree with the suggestion of stating that it isn't up for discussion and you need him to support you trying to get better, whether he agrees with the approach you're taking or not.

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Maybe if your bf sees you improve on meds, he'll think about treatment for his anxiety. I have GAD, and it interferes with my life, it sucks. Without meds I'd be paralyzed.

 

BUT, an important treatment that a lot of us have used is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Even though I do also need meds, it helps a lot to have skills for addressing anxiety or panic. And it isn't a pill! Maybe your bf would think about that?

 

And I know you know this, but he may not, the first meds you try may not work. Make sure he knows that, or you are going to have a repeat of the last year.

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I talked to him today...started out strong and very articulate but quickly dissolved into tears after telling him how hard it's been with no support from him. He immediately opened his arms and let me weep and weep and whispered to me that he was so sorry. He thought that my attitude was being caused by him doing something wrong and he didn't know what to do. Was totally supportive about the meds and asked me a few questions so he can understand better. This went so much better than I could have possibly imagined...thank you all for giving me the strength and confidence to say what I needed to say. 

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