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And ping, I'm psychotic


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Just like that. Isn't it strange?

 

Oh it's OK, I know I'm not *really* psychotic because I still have enough insight to recognise that many people would consider the thoughts I'm having are delusional. It's just that I can't stop believing that they're true.

Edited by werehorse
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You can be psychotic and have insight. Happens to me all the time.

 

Have you called your pdoc? You recently started on Haldol, right? Your pdoc should know about this psychosis immediately. 

 

In the meantime, since you have insight, keep reality checking. Challenge your delusional thoughts as much as you can. 

Edited by Parapluie
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Thanks Parapluie

 

My first pdoc told me that I couldn't be genuinely psychotic since I was willing to take anti psychotics. Since I have a great paranoia about being considered a liar it made me even less likely to tell professionals what I experience.

 

I saw my CPN this morning, skirted round the issue really, but did tell her some of my thoughts were becoming problematic. She's trying me on chlopromazine now.

 

It's not as strong as it was this morning, I seem to be slipping in and out of it, but that makes it even more confusing.

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ARGH. I hope your CPN takes you seriously. I too hate pdocs who disbelieve what you say. It's like, why would we lie about what we are experiencing? To "score" AP's? Who the hell wants to take an AP????? If I could be well without them, hell I'd be happy as a peach pie!

 

I agree with para. Keep reality checking as much as you can while you wait for the AP to kick in. I hope it works very soon for you.

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That suuuuucks! I never know when to call my p-doc and when to wait it out. It is really good that you have some objectivity; that you can tell something is "off" in your thought process. I depend on my husband to draw the line and call the dr. I trust his judgement on a logical, intellectual level if not always an emotional one.I forgot to take my meds last night, just ONE stupid night, and I am super hypomanic today. I can't even believe how fast our mental "weather" can change. I can only repeat what others have said and offer my sympathy. I hope you have someone who you trust enough to be totally honest with about your thoughts, and that you know even if you don't believe that they have your best interests in mind.

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It sucks that doctors refuse to see that one can be pyschotic and still have insight. It feels so disrespectful. There are only a few doctors (well, one psychiatrist, one psychologist) who ever believed me that I was hallucinating but knew those were hallucinations.

 

Hopefully the new drug will help keep the psychosis at bay.....

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I talked to my tdoc today and brought up the whole "if you have insight you aren't psychotic thing" and she's like "no, there is a belief out there that that's true but it's not. It means that you are coping properly with it and not running with it" (not exact words, but to that effect). I don't have insight right away, I usually need my husband to tell me no, there is actually not (insert visual hallucination here) there" and then I have more of a clue.

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Yeah, and I always thought insight was supposed to be a good thing! Even when I was really really crazy in my early twenties I knew enough to keep my mouth shut about what I was thinking/experiencing - I'm pretty sure that had anyone actually known what was going on in my head I'd have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, but I wouldn't go near a pdoc back then because I believed my whole life was a huge experiment they were conducting on me!

 

I was also once told I show "no objective signs of psychosis". I guess the terror and confusion I'm experiencing and the voices I'm hearing don't really count then? Because my reaction to them is to shut down and hide under a blanket and not appear obviously "mad"?  I told that pdoc I was hearing voices telling me I was evil and he just said "oh, I'm not concerned about that".

 

Anyway, I'm hoping as well that the meds help. Though I'm half-way through my second night without sleep and I'm not the least bit tired which is never a good sign. 

Edited by werehorse
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It's not as simple as getting a new pdoc, unfortunately, because I'm in the UK and there isn't much choice on the NHS. I have been assessed for a second opinion and get the results of that on Thursday, so maybe that'll help.

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