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Venting about food addiction


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So I'm new here and one of my problems is with eating.

 

It's 7:30 and I havn't had dinner yet. I got off work at 5:30. This is typical. I don't want DINNER, what I want is to go to the store and buy a big fucking chocolate cake and eat the whole thing with a tall glass of milk. If I could eat that every day, and maybe for breakfast too, I would be happy. Relatively speaking. Seriously, I need cake right now like crack addicts need their crack. It's almost unbearable.

 

I have lots of food in the house but none of it is edible if you know what I mean. I have apples, bananas, a huge bowl of cherries from the parent's tree, a giant plate of roast chicken, canned fish, pasta, frozen fish... I even have kraft dinner and I don't even want THAT anymore. I just want cake. End of.

 

A few weeks ago I tried to eat healthy, but all I did was cut out all the bad food in my life. That's not too hard for me, but then I don't know how to eat GOOD food. Basically, I lost 30 lbs and everyone said "Good for you!" like it was an achievement - but I felt terrible, I had no energy, I couldn't sleep well, and I got terribly sick. basically I starved, because I would rather starve than eat healthy food. Once I started eating junk food again I felt so much better because I was actually eating something.

 

It's not all about the weight or my body image. I'v always been overweight, I can't imagine that having a model's body would suddenly make all my problems go away. But I worry that I will be crippled my whole life if I don't do something about it. last year I weighed 247 lbs, which is the heaviest I've ever been. I am currently at 225lbs but would like to be 180 lbs again. I maintained a weight of 180 for several years before I went to university. I was still overweight, but I wasn't near as bad as I am now. I think 160 would be a healthy weight, but I would like to get back to 180 again to see where I was for so many years.

 

I am single and I only really like to cook for other people. I hate eating my own cooking. Cooking is such a waste of time. I would rather just eat that cake. I am working with someone right now who has taken it upon themselves to be my life coach/personal trainer which is only slightly annoying, but good for me at the same time. I don't always like what she says but I know there is truth to it. Anyway she has me walking 6km with her every morning now and I feel a lot better physically and mentally because of it. I like being active, but when you're out of shape it's just so painful. But it's the food bit I'm having problems with. I hate most veggies, I'm meh about most fruit, I like food I can jist grab and eat without any effort. I like to eat out. My favorite foods include chocolate cake, cheesecake, ice cream, chocolate bars, Tostitos chips with dip or cream cheese, peperoni, diet coke, milk, fishburgers and fries from mcdonalds (plus other things there, but not so much the beef) shrimp pizza, tortellini with cheese whiz... I can't really think of much else. I like subway sandwhiches once in a while but I get sick of them quickly.

 

When I was in school I lived in a dorm and ate only microwave food and dry food for like 2 years. I was in the hospital twice for severe abdominal pain caused by intestinal spasms, brought on by a combination of constipation, eating way too much fatty food and taking too much ibuprophen and Tylenol 3's for menstrual cramps at the same time.

 

I have to learn to eat good food. maybe then I can give up the bad food easier because I won't be craving it so much!

I still want that cake by the way. I'm not going to lie, I'm probably going to go do it. I know it's bad but I can't help it. Work is super stressful right now because of short staff and tentions etc and I wanna eat so bad.

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I can relate to this...a lot.  Is chocolate a food group?  I sure seem to think it is one!

 

It's awesome that you are enjoying being more active and are feeling the benefits.  It takes a lot of motivation and courage to get out and exercise, and I hope you can feel proud of yourself.

 

As for the food, it is a process.  It isn't very realistic to think that we'll eat healthy food all of the time and completely abstain from sweets and treats.  When all I want to do is eat chocolate for dinner and ice cream for dessert, I try to challenge myself to eat at least one healthy thing first.  If I still end up eating the chocolate, then so be it, but at least I made a baby step in the right direction. 

 

It's hard to feel so addicted to food.  I hear you.

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Yes, thanks! I think I will go to the store and get some bread so I can make a sandwhich from all that chicken and eat that... and then eat the cake. Bread - well, it's not great for you. but chicken is a lean protein, and at least a sandwhich is real food. Plus I will be full so I won't eat as much cake. But right now I need that cake or I'll put my head through the wall!

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I can relate too ... the addiction feeling totally sucks!

 

I had the same problem before my pdoc put me on naltrexone.  It is a med for ie, smokers to quit smoking and alcoholics to quit drinking, but it has to do with addiction; so my pdoc tried it with me and it has immensely helped the food cravings.  I take it 3 times a day (a higher dose than normal, but it is working at that amount) every day (as opposed to as needed; that doesn't work for me), and have lost some weight because of it (but only because the cravings lessened; there is still the addiction there).  It is not a med that will cut out cravings for good, but lessens them, at least with me).

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