Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

weird bout of paranoia... thoughts?


Recommended Posts

General anxiety is my main issue. I fear what people think, I fear consequences of my actions. But a couple months ago I had a very intense strange experience and I was wondering if this is common for others out there.

 

I moved to this small northern community where there are lots of wolves. Yes, wolves, not coyotes - this is Canada, we have shitloads of wolves here :) Now, I am no stranger to wolves out in the bush etc and they happen to be one of my favorite wild animals for a few reasons maybe I'll talk about later.

 

So one night there are three wolves howling behind my back fence. I go out on the deck and can hear them crashing around in the bush. So I make a squeeling rabbit noise and one comes out onto the street to take a look around. This is pretty cool and thrilling. I fall asleep to the sound of wolves and it is so awesome and peaceful.

 

But over the next few days, it starts to freak me out a little. At one point I am sitting on the couch, looking out my patio door, and I imagine a wolf coming up on the deck and staring at me through the glass. It FREAKS me out. Then the cat starts staring at the stairwell funny and I think that he sees something that is freaking him out, and I imagine how I would react if a wolf silently appeared in the stairwell and stared at me. I freaked so much that I couldn't move a muscle. I told myself I was being absolutely rediculus but it was no use. I picked up the phone beside me and phoned my mom (I'm in my 20's, you'd never know it by listening to this story I sound about 7) and told her not to laugh at me but I'm stuck and can't move because I psyched myself out and needed someone to talk me out of it. So she did. She "walked: me through this over the phone, just like how she used to show me there were no monsters under the bed when I was little.

 

I have never been so immobilized with fear due to something I deliberately imagined. Does anyone else do this?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

count me in as someone who comes from Canadian wolf country (now transplanted to the city).  so i know what you mean about being used to the idea that they are there, and usually it's fine.

 

it must have been terrible to be imagining them in your house though!  i'm glad your mother was there to talk you down a bit.  don't ever feel silly about that, i'm 42 and i've called my mother before.  my daughter is 22 and messages me every time she has a situation like this (she's got high anxiety too).

 

i do the same thing with dogs.  i've never been bitten, or otherwise traumatized by the actions of a dog.  i can visit someone who has a dog and it's fine at the time.  later on i might start thinking about what if there was a strange dog in my home.  and i start thinking about what a dog could do to me if it wanted.  and i feel foolish about it, so i don't say anything.  then i'll dream about being attacked to death by a dog.  then i feel like jumping out of my skin every time i see someone walking their dog that day (i'm close to a park, so that's a lot of dogs).  after a few days the fear has subsided again, but while my anxiety is running that high it's pretty awful.

 

i don't think i've ever shared that, heh.  because it seems so silly.  people choose to live with dogs all the time, and for great reasons.  i wish my cat were as loving and loyal as a dog!  but i've had these thoughts/fears for as long as i can remember.  except for my sister's pug.  he has never scared me.

 

so i don't think you're weird for imagining the wolves.  i think it's probably scarier than dogs though.  i'm glad it went away!  have you seen/heard any wolves since then?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am not entirely sure what to say, except that I have done the exact same thing, but with bears. I have imagined myself in a situation with a bear and given myself the serious willies. It eventually turned into me having nightmares about bears. I think with GAD, your mind will latch onto anything to worry about.

 

Don't feel silly for calling your mom. I'm almost 23 and I recently called my mom when I had a nightmare. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Me too :(...... At my old condo, i wound up cornered in the bathroom by spiders :( I had a problem with too many spiders coming through my bedroom...they were small black spiders of a kind i'd never seen before so i was scared of them. After seeing a couple in my bedroom, i started to wig...like, are they poisonous, will they crawl into my bed....I saw one in the living room so that wasnt 'safe' and there were more than a coupe in my bedroom throughout the week so that wasnt safe....So i grabbed the cordless phone and locked myself in the bathroom (because obviously spiders would try to break down the door lol). My mom had to talk me through it as i hysterically imagined spiders raining down on me through the shower fan vent.lol I laugh now but at the time i had a total melt down.

In our new house too, i've lost several nights sleep over being terrified that someone was breaking in. One night I pushed the furniture aginst the bedroom door.lol The other night I was sure that crazed vampires had cut my power since we were the only house without...and i had to use my cellphone to see the breaker box....Didnt that happen in one of those vampire movies? So that had me freaking out thinking i was going to get eaten by vampires....i know they arent real but the cellphone light, the loss of power--it was so much like one of those cheezy movies that my mind filled in the blanks...obviously vampire attack.lol

Dont feel bad...everybody freaks out once in a while....its anxiety...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for sharing your stories! Isn't it so weird that a person can get deathly scared of a hypothetical and sometimes impossible situation. It's such a primal fear - fear of the dark, of evil, the unknown. I actually really like wolves. It's just that they are everywhere here and they eat cats and dogs a lot. I saw a wolf on the highway a few weeks later, the poor thing had porcupine quills all over it's face, and I drove a few yards in front of it for 3 km with my hazard lights on so it could make it through a mountain pass without getting hit by a vehicle. Someone else saw what was happening and came up behind us and together we escorted this wolf down the highway to the other side of the pass. No camera of course.

 

As a child, for no reason I can explain, I dreamed of a black wolf. They were always good dreams though, not scary. I often dreamed that I WAS the wolf, and I dreamed this all through my teenage years until I was in my 20s. A first nations elder told me that it was my spirit animal. So I like them, but I am often worried about them killing one of my dogs. if I was on my own on a trail or something and came across a wolf I wouldn't be too concerned. But with a dog I would be.

 

I havn't had a freak out episode like that since, thankfully. Thanks for sharing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

I've experienced this before, it wasn't about an animal or any other animate object.. it was more that I thought I was going blind.  I was so anxious that i was having rapid eye movement, and the fact that I couldn't look people in the eyes anymore started to freak me out.  I thought I was losing my peripheal vision, and I began to stay at home.  I used to be an incredibly social, outgoing individual, and I still have a lot of friends (thankfully).  However, it was about half a year that I felt this way.  All I did was visit the doctors, trying to convince them that it must be my meds, "I need glasses," "Am I going to Blind?" "Do I have a tumor" etc etc etc.  (sounds crazy to me now, but my GOD can paranoia really take over your life!!)  I guess I should be posting on a hypochondriac board, but either way... besides my anxiety and obvious stress, I am generally healthy, so this was irrational thinking to the max.

 

What helped me was talking to my friend who had the same issues a few years back.  He convinced me that I needed convincing.  It took talking to him to make me realize all of this was a symptom of anxiety, and I wasn't going blind, or dying for that matter.  What really helped me was Yoga, Meditation and reading Hindu texts believe it or not.  I am not a religious person, but the Hindu religion has a beautiful insight on life and what it means to be FEARLESS. 

 

I stopped exercizing and taking care of myself in this regard a couple months ago (no particular reason, I just lost the drive), and didn't realize how much Yoga and meditation was helping me until I actually stopped.  I am now doing my best to get back on that road, but thankfully the paranoia hasn't begun again. 

 

I will say the same as Brokendishes... Everyone gets anxiety, anxiety can take over your life if you let it, but you MUST hold yourself accountable and perservere.. do your best to convince yourself  you have what it takes to turn it around.  For me at least, this corny positive thinking is the only way I could get myself out of that hole.  I still get dragged in sometimes, but in moments of clarity i try to remember that. 

 

Oh, and I still call my Mommy. ^_^

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...