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Reality Check Please


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I'm aware that a couple of days ago I considered myself to have an illness that I needed to manage, but that idea now seems very strange. I am not a spiritual person but think I am experiencing a calling to be a shaman and if I can only find a way to share this extreme euphoria then it would help humanity heal and move towards a state of harmony with both the earth and each other. An end to capitalism, environmental destruction and war.

 

Does this sound way off-base or like it might possibly be true? I can't get outside myself to judge any more.

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No, you are not the saviour of humanity and yes, this does sound way off-base.  We've heard this sort of thing from you before when you're spinning out of control - this thread for example.  

 

I'm a few days behind on what's been going on with you, but I'm really very concerned now.  You need help, fast.

Edited by miab
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Since you asked...

 

As someone whose spiritual practices and beliefs fall along the lines of mysticism, the spirit world, and related... I still suspect that what you're experiencing is hypo/manic (likely manic) in nature.

 

I sincerely believe that medications and other treatments do not take away true spiritual experiences or callings, because this has been my experience.  In fact, my medications help me to connect more easily with my spirituality.

 

What has specifically tipped me off: that a few days ago you were defining your experience as being rooted in mental illness but now have had an "epiphany."  You mention extreme euphoria.  And the motif of saving the world/bringing it to harmony, ending capitalism and war; basically being the saviour of the world, or as I call it the "I'm Jesus!" effect.

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PS: I think it is a good sign though that you are asking us for a reality check on this matter.  I do agree that you need help, and fast.  I know there are frequent and extreme barriers in your attempts to get the help you so desperately need.  I would keep pushing the issue as much as you can, as this has the potential to just keep getting worse and you may lose the insight that led you to ask us for a reality check in the first place.

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Thanks everyone. It's in my action plan to reality check my thoughts when I start having epiphanies about the meaning of everything, and I'm trying to follow the plan even though my mind is fighting really hard against it.

 

I'm waiting for my CPN to call me back, to discuss medication and something to help me sleep - I've only had about two hours in the last 72.

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Well, I tried. My CPN said she didn't want to give me sleeping tablets and I should just keep taking the same dose of chlorpromazine and see how things go and she'll call me again on Friday. I started laughing really really hard and couldn't stop. Ah well, it's fine, I don't need mental health services anyway, since I'm not ill.

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What the fuck is up with the healthcare system over there?? I'm completely and utterly appalled with how you have to fight for assistance and treatment when it is blindingly obvious that you need help.  I just don't know what to say about it anymore.  It's unbelievably shocking.

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Well the chlorpromazine goes up to 50mg tonight so maybe that will help. When I took it with diphenhydramine last night I did get that two hours.

 

I actually requested a second opinion a while ago and I go for the results of it tomorrow, but the way I feel at the moment I'm not sure I want to. I think they're going to say I have Factitious Disorder, and that's why they don't take me seriously. So I figure maybe the best thing to do is just to stay away.

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I think being persistant is best. Not being believed sucks, but you need help, that's why you reality checked, that's what your plan says to do, that's good! I can't imagine how difficult it is to fight against the euphoric feelings. I hope the dose increase does you some good!

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Please go to your appointment tomorrow. You can tell them how you're feeling now, and maybe they will get you some help faster than your current treatment team. You need to be seen by SOMEONE at this point, not just talked to on the phone and dismissed.

 

Also, are there psych crisis evaluation units in hospitals where you are? Basically a psych ER. I would seriously consider going to one at this point, or to a regular ER if those aren't available, because you need immediate treatment at this point, and an ER seems like a more likely bet than your nurse prescriber.

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Your appointment tomorrow sounds very important, and I urge you to go and to be honest with them about your current state.  They should take you seriously, especially if you tell them about your euphoria and sleep deprivation.  If they don't validate you and offer to help, then I would demand a referral to someplace that will give you help ASAP, like a psych ER.  Please advocate for yourself and be persistent.  You deserve the help and attention.

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