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triggery covert self harm self deception

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I know that self harm is self harm even if it doesn't leave marks or isn't hitting myself or cutting but i sometimes allow myself to forget that when I'm highly distressed and I was wondering if some people do that, too, and if there is a good way to keep in mind that self harm is self harm.










more triggers-more self harm and masochism






I enjoy sexual masochism, and can that border on self harm?  I try to be communicative with my partners if I'm feeling bad because i know they won't want to help me harm myself.  i guess it sometimes makes me forget that i'm actually harming myself if i do it for emotional reasons if i sometimes do it for sexual reasons other times

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Are you saying that when you're highly distressed, you self-injure (SI) in ways other than cutting/hitting and you forget that those ways are indeed SI? Hmm, a good way to keep in mind that SI is SI. Well, in the past, I have tried to remember that SI is SI whether or not it leaves visible marks.  For example, say instead of cutting, you verbally abuse yourself. That doesn't leave marks, but it's still pretty hurtful and unloving to do to yourself. It would be a form of SI to me. Maybe try to ask yourself why you are doing the act. Knowing your motivations behind the act can help inform you as to whether or not it's SI. 


But ultimately, if you have to even ask yourself "Is this SI?" ... Then it probably is. IMO.


As for the sexual masochism. I'm not 100% sure how to answer your question, but perhaps someone more comfortable can chime in. 


For the time being, I think that it's fine to enjoy sexual masochism, as long as you're in the right head space. I don't personally believe that masochism is a form of self harm. I very strongly believe that the scene between a sadist and a masochist can be full of love and respect for each other's minds and bodies. But there is a rule to BDSM. Safe, sane and consensual. Can you abide by those rules when engaging in masochistic play? If you can't, I suggest you and your partner take a break from it for a while, until you can.

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I have trouble with rationalizing, too, sometimes. I have trichotillomania, but it has a tendency to become a form of self-harm. It doesn't do much damage, so I tell myself it doesn't count, but deep down I realize it does.

I try to tell myself that self-harm isn't something I need to condemn or feel bad about. It's just a thing I do because I don't have another way of expressing or relieving distress. I don't have to feel guilty, or try to lie to myself about it to cover it up. Self-harm doesn't make me horrible or weak. I'll stop eventually if I keep channeling my destructive urges into positive channels, like trying to describe my thoughts in writing, and trying to let the slips go after they've happened.

As for the BDSM, I can't speak to it too much, having no experience, but it seems to me that there is a clear difference between self-harm and a loving exchange in any form, so long as you both have clear boundaries and they're being respected.

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