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Starving to self harm


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So my latest thing is to starve mysel during the day and only allow myself a few bites of food for dinner. I have voices in my head that are string that has told me this is a good idea and now is just a habbit.

Ive lost 45lbs (still a bit over weight) but I have no desire to stop even tho I should.

Im really scared to tell my tdoc

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I would dfinetly be telling your tdoc about it - because by starving you are self-harming in a slow way. I dropped 30 lbs earlier this year and everyone told me that You will feel great, so much more energy, etc etc, but I didn't - I felt exhausted, wasted away, crabby, depressed, weak. And I got really sick. It was only then I realized that I wasn't watching what I was eating, I was just hardly eating anything. As soon as I started eating again (not always the best food but at least I was putting something in my mouth!) I started to feel better.

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I used to do that... I had no idea how s@*! it made me feel until I stopped. I guess if you do it the good old healthy way then yes the weight loss probably would make you feel better. I came to realise that the tiredness, dizzyness and constant throbbing in my stomach was really not worth it. I screwed up so much with my grumpy ass self, not to mention the fact that it worsened my MI further. My DPD was through the roof.

 

I'd had enough by the time I started dreaming about food and waking up in a panic thinking I'd eaten dream calories. 

 

You should definitely tell your tdoc. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I often starve or restrict as a means of self-harm. I've made myself faint on purpose by going on long walks sustained only by a handful of berries, and cut myself across bones purposefully brought close to the skin. I can relate to starvation as a form of self-harm. I'm just out of a loony bin for anorexia nervosa, which wasn't a fun stay at all, so I'd definitely recommend seeing your tdoc or another professional.

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I'm glad that you told them, it's a really difficult thing to do. I finally admitted it last year and my tdoc wasn't surprised, actually. I dropped a lot of weight quickly and she suspected I was denying myself food. I used to binge eat at night when I was starving myself during the day. I also did it for other reasons (nighttime anixiety for one) and still do from time to time and it's frustrating. Keeping a food diary can definitely help. It has helped me see if my eating is related to not getting enough calories during the day, anixiety levels high or something else. I hope you feel better soon!

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