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Getting through the day


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I think this might be the bipolar part of my SZA, so I guess I should put it here. I've just gotten out of a psychosis but I think I am depressed. I don't feel sad, just nothingness. Although I've not felt anything for, probably, years, I think it's worse now. And I'm having trouble just getting through the day. The anxiety is terrible. I feel bored. I hate the day and the night, and I dread them both, so I get no relief.

 

Showering is such a chore and I hate thinking about doing it. Granted, I've not missed a shower since I was a kid. It just takes every ounce of energy I have to do it lately. Getting gas is scary because I feel like everyone is looking at me. I just did that and it wore my ass out.

 

I don't want to be here. I don't want to wake up. But I want to be here for my children.

 

How do I make it easier to get through the day?

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If you're depressed you may need meds adjusted.  I have been feeling depressed lately, we chalked it up to the fact we were trying to wean me off of seroquel.  We added the normal dose back in and my depression has gone away.

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I agree that you should contact your pdoc and possibly have your meds adjusted.

 

Personally what gets me through tough days is listening to music, watching movies, forcing myself to go out with friends (who understand how I feel), basically anything that can distract me from how I'm feeling at that point in time. It's only a temporary solution but bipolar is a cyclical illness, as long as you can keep yourself going it'll eventually run it's course and you'll feel better. I just keep reminding myself that it won't last forever, I just need to keep going and living day by day.

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How to make it easier to get through the day? Isn't that the golden question? :)

 

When I'm depressed, I try to make small goals for myself. At one point, sitting up in bed was a goal of mine. Maybe one goal could be taking a shower, and if that takes all your energy, make it your only goal for the day? Or your only goal until your energy comes back?

 

I've been sitting here trying to write the best response possible, but everything I say sounds trite or stupid.

 

It's really hard being depressed. It's hard to find that balance between staying in bed cause you're sick and getting out of bed because it will make you feel better. 

 

Some things that make the day easier when I'm depressed:

 

People come to me. Instead of me going to them. 

Lots of deep breathing to deal with my anxiety. Lots of rubbing my heart shaped worry stone. 

Try to do one "normal people thing" every day. Be it taking a shower, getting dressed, making the bed or something along those lines. 

Don't put pressure on myself to be "normal." Accept that I am sick and that my capacity for dealing with daily life is going to be lowered. Taking the pressure off yourself can be a big help to feeling like less of a failure.

Be gentle with myself.

Spend time with people or animals at least once a day. 

I would listen to music when I was depressed, so that at least I wasn't totally void of stimulation. 

 

You say you feel bored. Can you think of something to fill your day, something like a hobby maybe? I know when you're depressed hobbies are like the last thing you wanna do, but what you're describing sounds like a mix of depression and negative symptoms, so maybe you would respond to a hobby? When I'm depressed, I also feel bored or nothingness. Sometimes, all I would look forward to was seeing my tdoc. 

 

Sorry I haven't got many suggestions, Dusk. I hope those help a little. 

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