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what in the fuck

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Being bipolar sucks ass ....

I thought meds were right. Made a lot off progresss in fixing damaged past .... ended fkur year relationship that was mitually unhealthy. Got approved for sectiln 8 with 3 week wait only. Fucking found work that I thought I could dl again. Regaining some confodence.

Qgajn fuckkng depressed today. Felt off. Paranoid. Like everyone was talking about my crazy. I feel ao alienatez. Everyone making it clear relationship ending is for best because I am not stable. Am not allowed in daughters life because I am not stable. I qhallucinated again yestedah when workjng. Fucking sick of this. Yet SSA says I can work ... great. I cant even be witb my daughter or have a family. FmL

I wNt to drink or drug so badly right now its insane and I attended four aa meetings today ... my mind isnt working right and im sick of it. Sorry for the typing .. on phone

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Your med may actually be fine. The thing is, meds don't stop you from feeling emotion, and sometimes the emotions you will feel will be anger, disappointment, frustration and loneliness. But what that means is that you are alive, you are human, and you aren't alone. 


I'm sorry you can't see your daughter right now. Could you possibly write to her, or talk to her on the phone? Or even if you can visualize her, what would you like to say? How would you tell her that you are working hard to stay clean and get stable so you can see her again in person? 

Try to picture being with your daughter so you won't be tempted to pick up. You can get through this. amd don't be afraid to call your sponsor or a crisis hotline if you need to hear a real person's voice. 

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