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Extreme paranoia


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I wasn't sure what board to put this in as I have a whole bunch of disorders that may be the cause, but yeah.

 

Anyone else experience paranoia during depressive and mixed episodes? Or just in general?

 

I keep being convinced people hate me. Dislike me. Are angry with me. Even trying to hurt and sabotage me. Even when they do nothing to make me feel that way. It's really upsetting and I feel awful for accusing people of being mad when they're not. I'm just so paranoid. Also about illness, I'm constantly scared that I have some deadly illness and also that my boyfriend is going to die. And two days ago something really creepy happened. :(

 

I woke up at 6 am, for no reason, looked at my boyfriend and was filled with dread because I knew that he was dead. I was awake, but completely and utterly convinced that he had died while sleeping and I couldn't see his chest move. It felt like when my dad died for real, that sense of utter dread followed by dissociation. But after a while of being paralyzed I shook him, still convinced he was dead and just needed to confirm it, and he didn't react. So I said his name loud and obviously he woke up. Cause he was just sleeping, and breathing normally, and being completely healthy. Why did that happen? I felt so out of it and it continued the entire day and last night when I went to sleep I kept feeling like thinking he was dead was just a sign that i would happen one of the following nights so I stayed up right next to him watching him sleep for hours to make sure he was alive. Today I feel not as a worried, but I still have anxiety that it's going to happen in the following days. I feel like it is creepy, because in retrospect there was no reason I should have believed he was dead. Why did I think that? I don't know, but i almost feel traumatized just by having believed it. It keeps popping into my head, the image of him lying there while I thought he died. It flashes in front of my eyes like when my dad died and I kept seeing it. I feel like this is really messed up. :/

 

Anyone experienced something like this? Obviously gonna tell my pdoc and stuff, but just want someone to bounce off on wether this is normal or worrying or, yeah. I'm feeling very anxious about it at all.

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I have woken up my partner because I thought he was dead - I was going through a period where I was convinced he was going to die, and then I was going to have to kill myself, which I found very upsetting because I didn't want to die.  And he was sleeping quietly and I thought he'd stopped breathing and I was very worried and he was a little grumpy when he woke up and I explained that I had thought he was dead.   

 

So you are not alone.  I didn't disassociate though. 

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I never woke him up but I did years ago go through a stage where I would think he was dead and check that he was breathing.  It was due to panic attacks for me.  It lasted about a week.  It was so frightening and real (my fear he would die in his sleep).   It just went away.  I told my tdoc and he thought that since my partner was my only support person and I depended on him to ground me that I had this fear during a panic attack that I couldn't make it without him and got a 'complex' over it.   I can't answer you about it being normal or worrying only that when I did it, it was from waking up from a panic attack and worrying that he was dead as he is part of me and I am part of him.  Tell your shrink.  Be good to yourself.  I wish you well.

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I know what you mean. It's like our paranoia warps ppl's intentions and we can hear it in the way they talk. In the way they move our even hear them talk about us to others when in reality they where having another conversation. I know what you mean. I have been dealing with paranoia more and more lately but I'm better then I was.

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I keep being convinced people hate me. Dislike me. Are angry with me. Even trying to hurt and sabotage me. Even when they do nothing to make me feel that way. It's really upsetting and I feel awful for accusing people of being mad when they're not. I'm just so paranoid.

 

I've had those feelings definitely. No real advice for how to get around them or medicate them unfortunately... I still have existential doubts about which feelings are accurate and which are blown up, and if it is all really related to excessive paranoia or just occasional judgments that are slightly off or too emotionally charged or... meh

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wow, i had no idea so many others have struggled with this! that really helps and makes me feel a bit better. Not that i want anyone to go through it, but just knowing I'm not alone.

 

Like some of you mentioned, i'm going to be seeing my pdoc soon about getting some PRN meds cause i really feel i need it at this point.

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I get paranoid when I'm very depressed.  I think people are looking at me and thinking bad things about me.  I am convinced that people know I'm bad.  

 

Glad you're going to talk to your pdoc about this.  Talking with a tdoc would also be helpful as there are coping skills you can you use to deflect those feelings and thoughts.

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I get paranoid about various things all day every day but I've never really gotten to the point of understanding why it "flares up." I'd say I'm paranoid to some degree most of the time... it's just sometimes that I'm convinced that someone is angry with me when they really aren't at all, others that I'm being watched but I can never see who is "watching" me. The severity/scariness of it seems to fluctuate. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my thoughts always race and jump around ridiculously; no med has seemed to tone those down but that could be a completely different post...

 

I know you posted this several days ago but it's definitely worth bringing up to a pdoc and/or tdoc. It's a horrible, abnormal thing and unfortunately some people never really recognize it; it's always a really good start to be aware that "hey, this isn't normal."

Edited by brokenchina
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