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Been in therapy for almost a year, and it seems I've hit a wall.  I tought I was getting my bpd uder control but I've regressed back to the way I was before, where I just want  to be left alone, the irriations & aggrivations( anger outbursts) coming back again.  The being in a constance bad mood all the time.

And I've even started cutting again....

 

The therapy program I'm in is coming to end in a few weeks and my therapist said that I might be doing this cause I have a problem accepting things when they come to an end.  But I dont think it has to with the program ending.  It just feels like I'm going back down black crave again, i saw my pdoc all he did was increase my mood stabilizers to 1200mg so I could calm down the anger outbursts. 

 

Is this regression normal?? Has this happend to anyone else??

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Regression is very normal - for more disorders than just BPD.  Becoming well is never going to be a straight line - there will be times when you will feel as if you are going backwards.  It can help to realize that it is literally impossible for a person to go backwards.  For better or for worse, time can never turn back.  All the skills you have learned and the times you have coped well will always be inside you.

 

Sometimes when you have a mood disorder as well, it can be hard to tell what is situational/reactive, and what is untriggered.

 

If I were you, though, I would think again about your therapist's theory about your program coming to an end.

 

I don't know specifically what flavour your BPD is (what types of traits and issues you struggle with) but change and endings are extremely hard for many, many people with BPD.  Sometimes you may not even be having conscious thoughts about the ending - because the regression itself is burying those thoughts so that you don't have to face them.

 

Will you have ongoing supports or any kind of therapy after the program ends?  I hope that you are processing this ending with your therapist and making a plan for how you will go on in your recovery.

 

Personally, one of my biggest regression times is when my therapist goes on vacation, or when I am very angry with my therapist.  It's like a part of my brain just says "fuck this" and goes on a total bender.  It's like a part of me feels that if I get sick enough, she won't be able to leave me.

 

Do you have any skills or tools to help yourself get back on track?  The thing with BPD is that, even if you also have a mood disorder, using those coping skills is ALWAYS going to be important when you go through a time of struggle.  All the things that you have learned to do to get your BPD under control - are you still doing those things?  I know it is very hard to think straight when you are in that miserable place, but there are things you can do to help yourself.

Edited by tryp
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