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advice needed.Diagnosed major depression w/psychotic


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Hello,I'm new and really needing some input.ive been in 2 different psychiatric hospitals since novemember.the first one diagnosed me major depression with psychotic features and OCD.i was put on 4 medications,2 high dosage anti psychotics,a anti depressant and Ativan to help me relax.the problem was i was pretty much a zombie and my muscles stayed tense.Ive had problems since I was a little.I would see things and have extreme paranoia.In elementary I started developing OCD and by 5th grade it was full blown with compulsions.I think really really bad thoughts constantly.I couldn't sleep by myself,be left in a room alone even to take a shower.As I got older i dealt better with the fear.It feels like I'm constantly being watched,like I'm never alone and something is going to get me.I also have a hard time with accepting that this world is real because it doesn't feel that way to me.The second hospital said she thought I had PTSD which I didn't agree with at all.I didn't have the greatest childhood,but most people don't so that doesn't bug me much.She mentioned Schizo Affective disorder? But didnt diagnose me with it.Ive switched anti psychotics,its the 4th one ive tried so far and none of them have worked for me.Im also still on a anti depressant,but off the Ativan because it stopped working.I just feel really hopeless.I have a daughter and a husband and I need to stay strong for them but its so difficult.ive tried suicide twice before in my teens and its on my mind alot.i know that's selfish of me but I'm so tired of being like this.i guess I was wondering what has worked for others?sorry this was so long.

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I'm sorry that you're feeling so desperate, it's not going to feel like this forever, feels like it but no. Your mind is playing tricks on you. But please remember that you are not a lost cause and there are a multitude of combinations to treat this. In an ideal world we would get the exact combo straight away, but sometimes you have to white knuckle it and hang in there until you get something that makes the symptoms fade and life liveable again. Lots of members here are on more than a few medications, and I've tried a few different things you can see in my signature. Being hospitalised can feel traumatic and you must have been very brave to come out of that. A couple of suggestions, do you have a regular doctor (gp) a regular psychiatrist? and a therapist? It sounds like it could be very helpful to you. Even though therapy won't help with some symptoms it can provide an outlet to talk and to develope some coping skills. Feel free to talk as much as you like about anything that has happened to you, we care and we're here to listen, I hope you stick around.

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What worked for me was getting my cocktail almost perfected (generally speaking ... I still need med tweaks here and there but the main meds are already in place).  It took many years of hospitalizations and trying many meds, with therapy, but even though it took a long time to get my meds straightened out, they did eventually get figured out.  Who knows though; you might get the right combo of meds sooner than you think.

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Thankyou.I see a regular psychiatrist and I start seeing a new therapist in 2 weeks.i just get to feeling so sick of dealing with it all.im scared to death of getting my meds up cause i have a toddler and I need to be able to function well.

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First, I'm so sorry you've been through so much. 

 

What worked for me was finding the right meds and therapy to deal with the suicidal thoughts. 

 

I agree with Oranges, tell your pdoc everything that you're feeling right now. I really think therapy can help you learn to cope with the suicidal thoughts too. And the OCD. 

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