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I hope this isn't trigger-y.

 

 

 

 

 

I keep feeling that I want to die.  I don't want to, I'm not suicidal, I don't know how much of this is just angst, me being immature and whiny.

 

I'm depressed right now. 

 

I hurt.  The crying is coming back, a bit. 

 

I feel frozen, though I know I will do things today.  Doing things helps.  I just hate this and wish I was dead. 

 

Does anyone else get like this?  What is this?  Theatrical whinging? 

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Its definitely not theatrical whinging.  Its being in pain and wanting it to stop.  I take it that these thoughts are coming unbidden.  That is a frightening experience, especially when you don't really want to die.  And the crying sucks.  Can you call either your pdoc or tdoc and let them know what's going on?

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I'm going to email my pdoc on Monday.

 

I'm a runner, so I've been managing to make myself go out, b/c being busy seems to help a bit, but I can't run far and the whole time it is like I'm just being crushed down.  I feel like I can barely move even though obviously I actually am moving. 

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Jarn, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like this.  I'm glad you're e-mailing your pdoc.  I feel like I'm in a similar state lately... I can relate to a lot of what you're saying.

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I don't think you're theatrical or whining. The crushed feeling and literal physical pain, I can relate to. I'm sorry you're dealing with it. It's for the birds. These are legitimate problems. It's hard not to, sometimes, but try not to beat yourself up about it. You're obviously trying really hard to keep going, which is the best you can do.

 

I hope your doctor has something for you on Monday.

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I'm glad you can still run a bit. Any bit helps. You aren't whining. You're in pain, like others have said.

Hang in there until you see the doc. Don't beat yourself up and try to be nice to yourself.

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Thanks everyone, you guys make a difference.  This past weekend was pretty awful. 

 

I saw my pdoc this morning.  We discussed changing from Saphris to Latuda, but he advocated for an anti-depressant trial (so we didn't raise the Lamotrigine).  I had a very bad experience on Celexa (bipolar, duh) but he says not all anti-depressants are created equal when it comes to triggering mania, and that since I'm now on meds that mood stabilize, it is likely that I'll be okay.  Since I tend depressive, I'm willing to give this a try. 

 

I see him again in 3 weeks. 

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