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New job- trying to stay above water


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My SSI/SSDI application was denied a month or so ago. So I forced myself to get a job because my boyfriend couldn't keep up with our bills. And I feel like I'm failing...

 

I am unmedicated at the moment. I have stupidly pulled MYSELF off all my meds and have been refusing to see my doctor anymore. I thought I could be "normal" and "work". 

 

I have diarhea and stomach aches 24/7... I am shaking all the time from fear/paranoid/anxiety... I am filled with dissociative thoughts and feelings. I feel trapped in my body and my body is in pain all the time and I'm scared of everything and shaking and in the bathroom constantly... It feels like I am constantly experiencing a bad panic attack. I can't collect my thoughts.I feel cold all the time and empty and sad and I have hatred toward myself. I have such bad social anxiety that keeps me from acting normal around other people at work and in public. I am trying so hard to do this so we can have food and a car and our apartment kept paid.  

 

How will I be able to keep working like this? I have only been working for 3 days now. I am scared of failing because we won't be able to pay our bills. I didn't bother getting a lawyer to appeal my case because I feel like it will be pointless. 

 

EDIT: I forgot to add that I quit my old job back in April because I couldn't handle working anymore. I was out of work until this past week when I got this new job.

Edited by surreal
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Sounds like you might be in withdrawal from going off your meds without titrating down.  As much as you might not want to, I'd get in touch with your DR as soon as you can.  The withdrawals from some meds can be dangerous (seizures, etc).

 

Also, a lawyer might be able to help appeal the denial of SSDI.  Some don't get paid unless you win the appeal, and the money they take is from the back payment that SSDI owes you.

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How long has it been since you quit taking your meds? I would get back on meds, ASAP, if I were in your position. Recurrent psychotic depression is not just going to go away. Maybe if you stabilize on meds, you will be able to work? I can sympathize, though- I quit my job last month in the midst of a bad mixed episode that landed me in the hospital, and I'm regretting it so bad now. But your health is truly more important than the job, in my opinion. 

 

Also, I would suggest appealing your disability case- many people get turned down on their first try and go on to be approved later. 

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surreal,

 

I'm so sorry that you're going through these symptoms. As the others said, speaking to your psychiatrist again is the safest and sanest plan. Did your meds help your symptoms? If they didn't, maybe your psych can work with you on a new plan. Anything to help you feel more comfortable with treatment/ management.

 

I really feel you on this SSI/SSDI thing. I was denied on my first application as well. I have evidence back to age 13 or 14 when I was first inpatient, but certainly consistent visits to the psych for many years. In those notes, my going downhill is documented. However, I hear that psych claims are denied more often that not as a matter of habit. My attorney has advised me that his psych clients are usually always denied twice (initial application and the Reconsideration phase). Where the odds significantly increase is when your hearing with a judge comes up. 

 

This process takes soooo long indeed. I feel that I need to go back to work and stick it out as well, though when that is a reality, as you know- it is so unfortunately hard. Do you make around $1040 or more at your job? $1040 or so is the substantial gainful activity amount right now, which means that technically, you could work and appeal your case so long as you make under that amount monthly. Maybe working part-time and appealing could help? 

 

Could you consult a lawyer about your case? You won't have to pay unless they win your case by the end. But as mentioned, you could technically still work. I don't know if that helps.

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I am only working PRN (as needed basis) and am only working 2-3 days per week. So my income is under that amount. I am thinking about contacting a lawyer still to review my case and see what they think. I just feel so overwhelmed by the thought of doing that because I am having a lot of problems collecting my thoughts and thinking clearly...

 

Thanks for the advice. 

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I'm on SSDI for migraine, and I can't be a reliable employee. I'd like to work part-time, but my headaches are just too bad right now.

 

Do you know if the limit for earnings is for the household, or the individual?

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Be very careful if you restart your meds. Some of them, like Lamictal, can't be started right back at the previous dose depending on how long you've been off of them. Call your pdoc and ask for advice on restarting your meds. Coming off of them like you did can make things a whole lot worse. Even starting back at a lower dose might help but that's something where you need the advice of a medical professional.

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Sylvan- I think I might have to schedule a new appt with my pdoc because I don't think I can keep on like this. I thought I could get off meds and feel better that way, but I feel the same if not getting worse with each day that passes.

 

Working is a HUGE struggle for me. The thought of going to work later today is making me so ill, restless, and fearful that I can't seem to relax and lay down til I have to go. I am so very tired mentally and physically. I feel like something is sucking the life force right out of me. I also had to have a wisdom tooth pulled on an emergency basis on Monday so I am pretty tired and achy from that and the pain meds, Today at work is going to suck. I can't handle this.

 

I have lost about 5 pounds over the past few days due to not being able to eat much and I feel so weak. This is really taxing on me mentally. 

 

I really feel like this whole working for a living thing won't last long, but I have to keep pushing on, right? I am sinking in debt and bills right now. My car insurance is 3 months behind, car loan is due in a few days, I owe $111 for the tooth extraction, bills are coming up, AHHHHHH! :( :( :(

Edited by surreal
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Link to official info. about Substantial Gainful Activity: http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/cola/sga.html

 

I understand it to be solely based on the individual applying for SSI/SSDI benefits and not the household income. My lawyer summed it up that way as well. In his words, you have to prove that you cannot work a full-time 8 hour day, 5 days a week (or the equal). 

 

to surreal-

 

I can relate to what you're going through, and I'm very sorry that you are. I know its so hard to try and push ourselves back into work when we are disabled. It sounds like you might want to see the pdoc indeed. Keep the hope that it will help and keep fighting.

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