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Don't know if this is the right place to put this or not, but I think it's more related to AS than anything. Move it if needed nonetheless. 

 

I get fits of extreme anger and rage, and 99.5% of the time they're induced by sounds. I am always immediately angry when I am triggered by sounds, but the depth of anger seems to vary. It can be anything from crying with anger to a destructive rage; I have to expend tons of my energy not to destroy anything during the latter. Or at least reduce it down to ripping pillowcases and breaking and throwing pens/pencils. I'd love to break mirrors and knock over furniture, but it's not practical. 

 

So I take it out on myself...

 

I tend to hit myself in the head extremely hard. I've tried to punch pillows but it never does anything. I get a more satisfying rage outlet by hitting myself in the head really hard with closed fists, usually 2-3 times but I think I've gotten up to 9-10. I know it's again not practical and can result in serious damage of its own kind but when I'm in the moment my head is what's right there and I don't really think of that. 

 

Today my sister was eating something with a silver fork out of a glass bowl and the sound (along with sniffling, chip-eating, throat clearing, coughing, loud talking/laughing, most laughs, people tapping things, so on and so on)...

 

drove me

 

completely.

 

fucking.

 

mental.

 

I heard her from upstairs; she was just simply eating and the first instance of the sound was enough to distract me from what I was doing and surge annoyance through me. Second, a surge of anger. I closed the door. Third, a surge of rage. I hit the bed, clenched my fists, swore, and eventually hit myself a few times in the head really hard. Within 10 seconds the rage was gone and I was back to normal.

 

The swings are what scare me. I can move that quickly to a violent rage then just as quickly back down to normal, all because of a sound. This time it was just the fact that my sister was eating with a certain fork out of a certain bowl downstairs. 

 

I've read about misophonia. I fit it completely. But no one knows about it. My mother knows I have severe sensory problems, but not necessarily the extreme rage that I feel every time I hear one of the 20+ sounds that triggers me. 

 

It's ruining my life and probably my health and obviously my head/brain can't tolerate my fits of rage.

 

 

 

 

This is more of a vent than anything, but does anyone have similar experiences/know anyone with similar experiences? Do you have any advice on some things I may be able to do besides smashing my own head in, to get some sort of outlet for the really intense emotion(s)? 

 

Thanks for reading if you made it through it. I don't really know why I'm posting this now. I think I'm still out of it or something.

 

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Hey there's actually a name for it, but unfortunately, I don't think they can do much for it.  I believe it's called misophonia.  

It's a neurological thing but some therapy techniques can possibly help it.  I go into a furious rage at gum chewing or certain other chewing sounds, but I'm lucky enough to be able to avoid most triggers and it seems to have gotten better with age so I haven't really done much therapy for it.  I have hit myself due to the rage from sounds before, though, and have had times when younger where it crippled me in certain situations and I totally get what you're saying.  Have you mentioned it to the psych/tdoc/neuro/whatever?  They might be able help you with it or direct you to people that can.  

 

just read that you know about misophonia, I hope that you can tell anybody who works with you for psych/neuro issues.  If you need to, let your mom know how horrible it is because people just don't understand it until you clearly say how horrible and distressing it is, because to most people, it's just neutral little sounds.  

 

To cope with it, removal from the situation is really important.  If I can, I try to go to a place that is very quiet and doesn't have much other sensory information, press myself against a wall, and just hum a single clear tone to myself until I calm down and the sound is out of my head.  Bathrooms or closets can sometimes work for that if you're at someone else's house.  If I can't remove myself from the situation, tapping my wrist sometimes helps it a little, I don't know why.  

Edited by evilnessness
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I have nothing to back this up, links-wise, and is entirely my own conjecture.  I don't have as extreme an issue with anger and rage from sounds, though when hypomanic I can get to that level of response, but I can react with anger, avoidance, etc.  Also to repetitive motions, especially when seen out the corner of my eyes; or just lots of motion in general, etc.

 

Basically, it can cause classic anxiety symptoms in me "instead."  What I've realized about myself though is that sometimes my anger or rage stems from anxiety-like triggers (what I've recently, as in the past week, realized, is that my anxiety can be triggered by sensory overstimulation.)  I figure that anxiety -> anger makes sense from the "fight, flight, or freeze" concept of more instinctual responses to anxiety triggers, because I vary in which form my anxiety will take (between those three and the more functional "riding the adrenaline wave knowing exactly what to do at the right moment" thing.)

 

Of course, having it make sense like that doesn't seem to interest most anyone else I know.  But I like to understand the process and the why of things like this, how one thing morphs into another step-by-step.

 

My stimming is involuntary, however since having my Asperger's essentially confirmed by the pdoc I've been discovering just how much I hold myself back from doing and what I've redirected some of that stimming into.  Some of it is pretty destructive.  So I more purposefully/consciously let out some of my other more "dramatic" stimming behaviours, but ones that aren't harmful to me.  Removing myself as soon as I can from overstimulating environments, even more sensory-deprived ones, and/or having sensory-depriving aids on hand.  I'm considering that I should start carrying earplugs around with me more frequently.  It can help if I am able to go somewhere darker, quieter, etc.  But that's not always possible, I know.  Finally, the more physical repetitive motions/stims that do sometimes make it out on their own even when I try to hold them back... just allowing them out, instead, I have found to help.  I do flap, and sometimes it's just my hand/s, sometimes it's both of my entire arms (thankfully rarely.)

 

When I'm hypomanic and my already-touchy sensitivities are heightened yet again, that's when the rage can come on, then the only option for me is to treat the hypomania.  I don't know if it's more episodic or consistent with you though.

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I've told my mom about misophonia but my main anxiety seems to be bringing it up with a doctor. :/

 

At home, I go upstairs to my room whenever I'm being triggered by sounds to the point that I'm going to absolutely lose it. Often I "lose it" in my room; this is usually where it happens, actually, because I'm really embarrassed about how I act during these times (almost every day.) No one else in my family understands; my mom can say she does but it's not the same as if she experienced it herself. :/

 

I almost want to avoid people because I know that the sounds they make trigger these emotions in me, and, in turn, said people never understand my reactions. Often I'm asked "Can't you just deal with it?" or even straight up "Deal with it." Of course this only makes me angrier, how dare they... vicious cycle. It would be so much easier for me to just sit up here all day and all night but that's not healthy.

 

I'm just tired and tired of living like this; I'm 17 and I have been having issues with this since I was about 8 years old. I don't know how I'll be able to function at university, in a job, etc. etc. etc. if my day is full of this anger caused by some stupid little sounds in my environment.

 

When I'm hypomanic and my already-touchy sensitivities are heightened yet again, that's when the rage can come on, then the only option for me is to treat the hypomania.  I don't know if it's more episodic or consistent with you though.

 

With this I have issues whether depressed, neutral, hypomanic, manic, mixed... I've noticed that my ability to "cope" by just telling myself "You're wearing earplugs and we'll be done with this in 10 minutes", etc. decreases when hypomanic or mixed. 

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It seems like a lot of the literature and talk about autism + hearing problems never really matches what I'm experiencing... I have other sensory problems with all other senses that also can set off "anger" in me but I don't know if I'm misreading what I'm feeling in those instances. 

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  • 7 months later...

I have misophonia and the only thing that helps with it is Xanax.  I really don't like being dependent on such a highly addictive substance, but it is the only thing that at least takes the edge off.  Of course it causes me to become periodically depressed, since it is not normal to be sedated 24/7.  But having misophonia 24/7 leaves me no choice.  Once there was a loud event in the park across the street from my home, and I melted down completely, a combination of rage and terror.  My husband had to hustle me out to the car and drive away before I could calm down, and even then it was three hours before I could feel normal again. I feel rage whenever I hear a booming car stereo or music from someone's home.  It feels like people are walking all through my house and touching me when that happens.  I really don't know what to do about this, it makes life very hard indeed to always be in hyper alert mode for the next assault on my ears. :wall::angry2: BTW, the sound of someone eating something wet and sticky like a banana drives me insane!

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Yeah.  Misophonia.  Chewing sounds.  Instant RAGE.

BF bought me passive earbuds.  They're earbuds, but instead of having silicone on the part that goes in your ear, it has that squishy earplug foam.  Drowns out a lot of noise.  It's kept me from having to run away from my desk on countless occasions.  Why can't people chew with their mouths closed?? WHY???

 

I don't have meltdowns much anymore; I just get very stressed.  The shame and embarrassment of any sort of meltdown is so severely terrifying to me that I end up dissociating  in lieu of having a meltdown. 

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Yeah.  Misophonia.  Chewing sounds.  Instant RAGE.

BF bought me passive earbuds.  They're earbuds, but instead of having silicone on the part that goes in your ear, it has that squishy earplug foam.  Drowns out a lot of noise.  It's kept me from having to run away from my desk on countless occasions.  Why can't people chew with their mouths closed?? WHY???

 

I don't have meltdowns much anymore; I just get very stressed.  The shame and embarrassment of any sort of meltdown is so severely terrifying to me that I end up dissociating  in lieu of having a meltdown. 

Yeah, foam earplugs are great.  I keep a pair in my purse for when I go grocery shopping so that I don't go into overload in a noisy store.  I once had a meltdown when an apartment building I lived in had a really loud fire alarm system.  I was so humiliated in front of my neighbors! :Trigger:

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