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What the hell is my problem?


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Am I depressed? I feel different than extremely depressed. Though I show some symptoms, I certainly don't feel depressed much at all.

 

Am I going through a mixed state? I have energy and I do things, yet I have bad thoughts. I lay in bed most of the day. But I'm able to get up and have energy. My mind races with various things. But I don't feel that awful horrible screaming screeching bad energy. So I don't really think that fits.

 

And I'm not manic. No.

 

So what the hell is my problem?

I'm generally pissed off, apathetic as hell to do anything about anything, I am giving up on everything, I hate everything that I used to like (like hobbies amongst other things), my mind races with negativity, I have energy but I choose to lay in bed most of the day, I just don't care anymore, I just want this all to be over with (though I'm not suicidal), I don't feel right or good, I feel paranoid.

 

To me it seems like nothing is wrong. If I could only change my attitude I would be fine. But the negativity weighs me down too much.

 

What should I do? I don't even know what I'll say to my new pdoc, that is if I end up going at all to the appointment (I've not seen a pdoc really in 5 months). My husband has been asking what's wrong and I reply "Nothing." Because I really think that nothing is really wrong and I can't even begin to put my finger on it anyways if something were there. I feel so detached from myself lately. I don't feel like myself.

I'm sure I'm just being a whiny bitch. I think that is my problem. I've got it good. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a husband who loves me. I am a whiny bitch.

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Am I depressed? I feel different than extremely depressed. Though I show some symptoms, I certainly don't feel depressed much at all.

I'm sure I'm just being a whiny bitch. I think that is my problem. I've got it good. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a husband who loves me. I am a whiny bitch.

That's right, a happy family life cures mental illness. And a comfortable home as well./sarcasm

 

I am familiar with that voice, and it is lying to you. You have an illness. I know that sometimes it doesn't feel that way, but you know what I am saying is true, you've said it to others when they were distraught.

 

Whatever your mood actually is, you are symptomatic. Don't worry about where they fit into the DSM 5's version of a mood, worry about trying to treat symptoms.

 

ETA: Call your pdoc

Edited by crtclms
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Am I depressed? I feel different than extremely depressed. Though I show some symptoms, I certainly don't feel depressed much at all.

I'm sure I'm just being a whiny bitch. I think that is my problem. I've got it good. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a husband who loves me. I am a whiny bitch.

That's right, a happy family life cures mental illness. And a comfortable home as well./sarcasm

 

I am familiar with that voice, and it is lying to you. You have an illness. I know that sometimes it doesn't feel that way, but you know what I am saying is true, you've said it to others when they were distraught.

 

Whatever your mood actually is, you are symptomatic. Don't worry about where they fit into the DSM 5's version of a mood, worry about trying to treat symptoms.

 

ETA: Call your pdoc

 

Yeah. I'm all better now because I have a job. And a boyfriend. So I can't be crazy, right?

 

Mental illness has nothing to do with financial circumstances or how much love you have in your life. No one deserves to be sick, but being sick isn't a sign of whininess.

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You sound kinda like me when I'm having a flare up of my anxiety. You also sound like something is stressing you out. Or maybe something recently stressed you out and now you're dealing with the aftermath. Just a thought. 

 

Agreed, you should call your pdoc. And no, you are not a whiny bitch. You are having symptoms, no matter where they come from, they need to be treated. 

 

This also sounds like something to talk to your tdoc about. Maybe explore why you are carrying around so much negativity in your life. 

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Sounds like negative symptoms of a (psychotic) disorder to me

We don't diagnose around here. We especially don't pull words like "negative symptoms of a (psychotic) disorder" out of our asses.

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Not wanting to diagnose... but wanting to stay in bed all day (for whatever reason) *is* a sign of low mood. Irritability is also not a good sign. I hope you get this sorted before it potentially spirals into something worse. It's good that you're showing so much insight and will hopefully nip it in the bud with a med tweak.

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Am I depressed? I feel different than extremely depressed. Though I show some symptoms, I certainly don't feel depressed much at all.

 

Am I going through a mixed state? I have energy and I do things, yet I have bad thoughts. I lay in bed most of the day. But I'm able to get up and have energy. My mind races with various things. But I don't feel that awful horrible screaming screeching bad energy. So I don't really think that fits.

 

And I'm not manic. No.

 

So what the hell is my problem?

I'm generally pissed off, apathetic as hell to do anything about anything, I am giving up on everything, I hate everything that I used to like (like hobbies amongst other things), my mind races with negativity, I have energy but I choose to lay in bed most of the day, I just don't care anymore, I just want this all to be over with (though I'm not suicidal), I don't feel right or good, I feel paranoid.

 

To me it seems like nothing is wrong. If I could only change my attitude I would be fine. But the negativity weighs me down too much.

 

What should I do? I don't even know what I'll say to my new pdoc, that is if I end up going at all to the appointment (I've not seen a pdoc really in 5 months). My husband has been asking what's wrong and I reply "Nothing." Because I really think that nothing is really wrong and I can't even begin to put my finger on it anyways if something were there. I feel so detached from myself lately. I don't feel like myself.

I'm sure I'm just being a whiny bitch. I think that is my problem. I've got it good. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a husband who loves me. I am a whiny bitch.

 

 

The descriptions you give sound like what I go through when I'm in the middle of a mixed state.  I don't want to get hammered for implying what might be misconstrued as a dx, but I do have a fairly extensive history with mixed states in my body and since you brought it up and asked if people knew what you were going through, I think that the mixed state might be worth looking into.  For me the hallmarks are having lots of energy, but not being able to use it for anything other than being frustrated and irritable.  It just seems like nothing matters so why even care, but i feel like I just have to push on.  Also, they tend to get me by surprised, I'm so use to looking for an energetic mania or hypo-mania, or a low energy level of depression that it is extremely confusing.  

 

I've never had one that just dried up on its on, all of them had to be medicated away and getting the cocktail right has always been a pain in the ass.  The only good thing for me is, once I recognise it for what it is, many times the nearly exact things that worked in the past worked for the current condition also.

 

I  really hope you and your doc can work something else, because I know the kind of thing you described can be pure hell.  And to make matters worse, it is near impossible to get those around you to understand what's going on.  "Nothing is the matter, I don't need a specific reason to get like this, its just a symptom."  

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Cheesie i am sorry you're feeling this way.  i feel much the same, and i also don't know what to call it when i am asked "how are you doing".  i feel like i should be getting that horrible can't stay still and ragey-ness feeling.  or getting that "i wanna die" feeling.  but i don't have either of those, just like you.

 

i've been calling it the mixed state that never was.  like i should be in one but the meds are just enough to squish it into a place that is awful but i can keep living through it.  folks that have given you feedback are right, it's probably med tweak time.  (that never ends for me)

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Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the feedback. And I'm sorry I know better than to pose a question like "What's wrong?" You guys gave good responses. I really thank you for that.

 

I have my pdoc appointment in like 4 hours. I will try to update as soon as I am able.

And guess what? My case worker or my tdoc had said that they would be sitting in with me during my appointments. I think they forgot about the appointment because no one has called yet. I guess I have to call them. It's just lucky that I happened to know the date of the appointment or I would have missed it AGAIN.

 

I think I'm going to print off a blog or something to take with me to show to the new pdoc. I know I wont be able to say what's going on without it.

 

I'll let you know how it goes!

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