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Seeing ACTUAL people, but not people I know - weird


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O.K. I think I posted this before but I can't remember. My memory is entirely shot. 

 

When I attempt work situations it never fails - within a couple days (some times I have made it a week or two) in the last 3 years ... I all of a sudden litterally start seeing people. Not shadow figures, not illussions, people ! And dogs, etc .. 

 

Couple examples .. 

 

Riding lawn mowers - all of a sudden I am sure I see homeowner directly in front of me 10 yards away. Stop mower. Look back, nobody is there. Weird thing once I thought about it it didn't look like the homeowner, due to my poor memory and cognition I don't know who it looked like. It is never anyone I RECOGNIZE though. Just random people - and NOT shadows. 

 

Detailing Cars - While waxing I would swear I would see a person sitting in the passenger or driver seat of the vehicle. It would really mess with me. Again .. Nobody I knew ir could make out through the windows but it was not the typical shadow stuff. Also signs in the yard, I kept seeing dogs. Once again not any of the dogs that were on the property. 

 

So none of the stuff I see is real obviously, I am able to distinguish that even though it scares the shit out me me (and causes serious stress and mood destabilization), I am lost here ... Because they say when experiencing psychotic episodes you wouldn't know. Like I would sit there and talk to the person. They wouldn't just "disappear" minutes after seeing them. It seems odd, very odd.

 

I also experience VERY mild auditory hallucinations. Stuff like when I am in a house and people are outside I distort what they say into thinking they talk about me (actually that is just paranoia), I have been alone in an apartment before where I swore every member of my local AA group was outside the walls and talking about me, laughing and giggling. The voices were light though. I couldn't make out what they were saying ... But I "KNEW" it was about me. Again, more paranoia than anything, but none the less ... Same thing with voices. There have been man other mild situations. A lot of the time it is more geared towards paranoia though. 

 

I am diagnosed BP II my last hospital visit. 

 

I take 

 

Klonopin .5 mg X 3 a day (NOT ENOUGH)

Lamictal  - 200 MG a day A.M.

Topoma - 25 mg daily - has helped me lost 25 pounds I had gained due to trazadone. Also helped stabilize my rapid out of the blue mood swings. Might need to be upped to 50, but I tried two weeks after taking 25 and it just made it super dizzy so I backed down. Also my appetite has stabilized (along with weight) at where I was all my life. So I think I am adjusted to this dose. Pry a good time to talk to doc about adjustments to help rapid mood swings I suffer from that have gotten better due to this. 

 

I also realize I am deeply in need of AP medication. However I have tried 3 - Seroquel out of the hopsital and 2 others in the hospital (can't remember names) and they actually (even at starter VERY low doses such as 25 mg seroquel) tend to INDUCE more psychotic symptoms. 

 

I have been told by one doctor I ssaw recently, it might be permanent damage due to 20 + years of drug and alcohol abuse on top of my mood disorder. Recently I have started to suspect Schizo Affective Disorder though .. Diagnosis doesn't matter much. Thoughts on this would help though. 

 

In reconsideration phase of SSI - just got pushed through approval for section 8 but in small county I live in hard to find a place WITH utilities included and I have 0 income so I can't afford utilities .. It's just been a fun time lately. I love working, but every time I hallucinate, get paranoid, and decompensate SO quickly. What sucks is, at first, it gives me confidence and strength. Makes me believe in myself. The repeated crashed of 7 attempted employment attempts in 6 months leaves little to no doubt I can not work - which really sucks. Too much free time in my crazy mind ... Sigh

 

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I walked into my office area at work one day and clearly saw a man in a beige trench coat with a gray hat kinda down over his eyes. Freaked me out BIG TIME. I used to get a bunch of my hallucinations (visual) at work, frequently, and the auditory ones at home, at night. Haldol has stopped these things nicely so far.

 

I hope your SSI goes through quickly.

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But see forget - all docs say if I know it isn't real or can shake myself out of "having conversations" or whatever .... It isn't psychosis. Althoguh they keep trying to treat with AP / AAP which make it worse. Weird ... 

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I see actual people all of the time that are only for me apparently when off meds. I take injections and that pretty much knocks out that particular feature of my symptoms. I don't see shadow people so much as demons though when I'm off or as breakthrough symptoms. They're in color as well. It sounds similar. Except they don't usually go away for long upon looking at/away/back again. You prolly want to figure out how to make them go away before they stock around and best wishes to you x

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I think that might've been partially unclear. I don't only see demons. That came out wrong. I mean I don't have shadows turn into people for the most part though a lot if people do. They are either full color actual people or demons. I know you didn't say the latter and suddenly I kinda wish I hadn't either. But whatever. Point being:I see actual people as part of my symptoms like you describe except they stop going away on second glance and start interacting with me. And I hope you figure out your situation

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Thanks melliflouos - I'd imagine that would be difficult. You have a lot of strength, I admire that. 

 

Demons / People / Shadows ... Whatever, it is all "mess with your head" stuff that isn't fun. 

 

BTW, Which injection do you take ? 

 

P.S. I need new doc I guess forget. 

 

Either one of you (or anyone else) have AP / AAP aggravate their symptoms with multiple attempts ? 

 

Thinking about going back inpatient but the problem is the hallucinations tend to happen 99% of the time during HIGH STRESS or WORK. Hard to duplicate in that setting to see if the meds they give are working, short of judging how they make you "feel" in relation to reality. Also, obviously the ones that have immediate adverse effects cause the hallucinatins and extreme paranoia NEAR immediately - within 24 hours typically. So I would know they don't work at least.

 

Considering long term in patient (30 days) with transitional housing. I am worried though if I show signs of improvement - and docs think I can work, even if I can't ... If it will affect SSI / SSDI claim. Boy, this stuff is NEVER simple. LOL

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Yeah, I can't handle stress. I can appreciate why you don't work. I have prolixin injections now. I would say a lot of antipsychotics just didn't do shit or there would be some weird side effect--largely something possibly livable but a few times less so--mostly with atypicals. The most effective for me have been traditional antipsychotics, except zeprexa. I still have that to take but more for thought disorder than hallucinations/delusions.

Best of luck in finding a new physician.

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