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From inability to eat to almost daily binges


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Hello! I've recently been discharged from a mental hospital, where, amongst other things, i was being treated for anorexia nervosa. I was on a strict 1900-calorie "meal plan", eating six times per day, and would be tube-fed if I failed to eat it.

Now that I've left hospital, i seem to have segued from often physical inability to eat - the intrusive thoughts were simply too loud to defy - into binge eating on an almost daily basis. The past few days, I downed over 2000 calories per day. I've gained half a stone in a week. However, today, i find myself back with the crippling guilt and hatred of myself when I even picture food.

I know it's sick, but i miss the days of unipolar, non-binging anorexia; at least then i knew where i stood. With this weird fluctuation between extremes, I have no idea what I am any more.

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I do know that this happens, and that you're not the only one. It's primarily a biological reaction because the body wants to built up stores in case it ever experiences another famine (or bout of anorexia). But it is very hard to cope with, I agree. Since you've recently left IP, is it possible for you to get in touch with your care team there and tell them about this? I'm sure that they can suggest some coping strategies for you.

For some people, it means sticking very strictly to their meal plan. I didn't, really (although I did relapse into over-exercise to make up for it) and the binges sort of just faded away after a while.

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I know how distressing it can feel to flip-flop between extremes, especially during the early stages of recovery.  Maybe you could get set up with a nutritionist and tdoc, if you have not already done that?  When I first leave treatment, I usually need some structured support to maintain the progress that I made there.

 

Try to be gentle with yourself if you end up binge eating or overeating.  Recovery isn't a linear path.  You might slip up on occasion, but that's okay.  It's part of the process.

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