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Borderline & Avoidant and Childhood


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A few years back one of my mother's boyfriends shipped a whole box of books to my house after having a conversation with me. I was mad to see he had ordered 10 different books on borderline personality disorder. Frustrated, I put them away.

 

Now I've begun to think about them a lot after reading about BPD in a psychology course. Last night, I heard through the grapevine an ex-boyfriend had called me "crazy and temperamental" which resulted me throwing my sandwich at a wall, screaming at the person who was the source of information and then having a small binge eating episode. I proceeded to sleep all day today and I feel dissociated, foggy and mad. I think this also has to do with the fact my boyfriend and I are breaking up, so I'm cracked. However, the reason I was so hurt by the comment is that I feel crazy and temperamental and I'm embarrassed how I acted with that particular man even though it happened almost two years ago. Are anger outbursts typical of BPD? I was worried about Bipolar because I just spent the last week on an aggressive binge drinking bender, feeling flirty and confident, happy and social.

 

Does anybody here have a diagnosis of BPD and a history of adoption? I've wondered for a while if perhaps I have some kind of subcoincous fear of abandonment? I don't think I consciously have one.

 

Secondly, is it also possible to have two personality disorders? Where I think I may be borderline, I go through periods of time where I withdraw from everyone and say that I "hate my friends because they aren't real friends" and that I'm too much of an introvert to go out, people who drink/party suck, etc.

 

I feel like I'm extreme all the time. There's no middle ground.

 

I forgot to mention, too, that I've been extremely convinced recently that people's aloof behavior is an indication they think I'm crazy and don't want to spend time with me/talk to me.

Edited by aloeplant
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It seems like you are having a lot of confusion about your diagnosis right now - I know that you are concerned about bipolar disorder as well.

If you are currently seeing a psychiatrist, you are really going to need to ask them about that - Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder can be hard to tease out at the best of times, and since it seems like you are going through some life stressors, and have other mental health diagnoses on the books, that just makes it messier.  Most likely, finding out what is happening will be a matter of being honest with your doctor and being patient while the two of you sort through all this information and try to piece it together.

Acting out or impulsive behaviours, angry outbursts, and social withdrawal/social anxiety can be due to a variety of sources, whether a personality disorder, a hypo/manic episode, one of the other disorders that you have, or just being human and having a hard time coping. I would really caution you against trying to diagnose yourself based on your psychology coursework, even though I know it's very tempting.  It is perfectly natural to want answers, but you can also cause yourself a lot of anxiety and stress trying to diagnose yourself.

 

The thing about personality disorders is that everyone has a personality, so it's always going to be a spectrum.  Everyone has personality traits - some people are more angry or temperamental than others by nature.  Then some people have traits of a personality disorder.  Then at the other end, some people are diagnosed with one (or more) personality disorder(s).  The diagnosis is really made by the stability of the traits over time, how many there are and how they cluster together, and the degree to which they interfere with your ability to do what you need to do in life - and that is something that must be assessed by a professional over an extended period of time.

Edited by tryp
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