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it's really dark in this pit of despair


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;)

i think i hate life.  I'm not saying I hate my life, i actually hate existing. I'm not sure i can say more on that without making this post unreadable.  I'm an ultradian cycler so in the morning i'll be better but i keep coming back to this state

this isn't a cry for help or a sympathy thread. what the fuck is it?  i don't know, stop hassling me.  (yes, my sense of humour is still intact). 

Anyway, need to get this thought out of my head.  I feel loved, my self esteem is okay, but my life is chaos, i'm not enjoying much of anything, i'm probably a total pill to be around, and i feel like my life is a drifting rubber duckie in a bathtub of aimlessness.

I have no purpose, and i'm beginning to suspect that nothing will in fact provide me with purpose.  On top of that, my loving relationship is on the verge of collapse. 

C'est ma vie en rose. Pas d'encore.

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Wow. Maybe you're depressed. Have you talked to a doctor about that?

;)

Sorry, sorry. It's just something about the rubber ducky adrift in the bathtub of aimlessness that brought to mind all sorts of cheeky jokes. Duckies do that, for some reason.

Well, you said this wasn't a sympathy post, but I'm still sorry that you're dealing with the suckiness of depression. And yes, you still have my sympathy. I'm on the downswing myself. So I completely understand that. Sometimes I truly marvel that my life is actually, objectively speaking, pretty good. I mean, it could be better (say, with a winning lotto ticket) but by and large there is nothing going on in my life that screams "pit of despair."

Just remember that although things seem hopeless and the future seems uncertain and forbidding, your depression is coloring your view on life at the moment. You can't really "trust your gut" right now on how life is going to be turning out any time soon. It is hard to get out of bed to fulfill any Grand Life Purposes so it is not realistic to be trying to find one at the moment. But this too shall pass.

And (of course) if things start seeming overwhelming and you can't get a grip on it anymore, don't forget to go to the ER or put in an emergency call to your pdoc, k? 'Cause it happens to the best of us.

Take care,

~Faith

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i haven't slept in days.  Just did a week's worth of dishes.  i think i'm ill.  what's that illness where you go from one pole to another.  you know, emotionally.  has a catchy name.  bi something.  bilateral?  no.  bifurcated?  no.  bisected?  no.  bisexual?  ya, that's it, i'm having bisexual mood swings. 

better go tell my doctor i haven't slept in days because i'm bisexual.  see what he says to that.

i'm too fucking clever to sleep!  B)

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Pastafarian,

You are one mellow mood-swinger -- or at least you read that way. You might be wired but at least you're smooth...and keeping your sense of humor. btw, whenever I read your posts, I hear a rasta-mon ;) can't help it.

Sounds like you need a med check. will you  be seeing pdoc soon?

take care,

7

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Pastafarian,

You are one mellow mood-swinger -- or at least you read that way. You might be wired but at least you're smooth...and keeping your sense of humor. btw, whenever I read your posts, I hear a rasta-mon ;) can't help it.

Sounds like you need a med check. will you  be seeing pdoc soon?

take care,

7

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yah Mon, smooth.

You can tell when i'm depressed.  I get cryptic.  you'll notice that in the first post.

I cycle so often i think i've developed a sort of zen personality.  humour is important.  When i'm down i'm cynical, even cruel.  when i'm up, like now, i'm random and irreverent, even offensive.  Luckily i'm narcissistic, so i see all those traits as assets.  well, time to sleep so i can wake up in a few hours and feel like ass. SO's coming over, so i'll transition into my up state in the evening and probably be interested in feeling ass.  Oh yeah, and i also enjoy being on the edge of inappropriate when i'm up.  you decide which edge.

i'm probably a total pill to be around, and i feel like my life is a drifting rubber duckie in a bathtub of aimlessness.

I know that feeling all too well..both of those. Actually maybe instead of drifting my rubber duckie is sinking  :)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

maybe you're a gnome whelmed by an overgrown garden of despair.  Speaking of which, did you know you can't be overwhelmed (oversurrounded)?  I always find that comforting: "At least I'm not overwhelmed".

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