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Got soup at Dennys so that I could have all of the individually packaged Saltines to take home. I have a massive thing for individually packaged Saltines right now. 

I love the mini saltines :)  For some reason they taste so much better than the original regular-sized ones.

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Got soup at Dennys so that I could have all of the individually packaged Saltines to take home. I have a massive thing for individually packaged Saltines right now. 

I love the mini saltines :)  For some reason they taste so much better than the original regular-sized ones.

I'm so glad you understand :) I ate a ton of them when I was in hospital, lol.

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Hi,

this is my first post apart from my introduction.

At the moment i'm in the fifth week of a manic episode. First few weeks were....fun! Didn't even know it was happening. Work was going well, had plenty of energy, lots of banter and was feeling great. Weather has been really warm lately. Last weekend went overboard with the drinks after work with the boys and went cuckoo! by sat morning it dawned on me that I was on one again. It had crept up on me. I could not sleep, my mind was on full spin cycle, heart rate through the roof, legs going ten to the dozen, doing ten things at once and so on. I hid away in my flat until early monday morning with little more than no sleep and gradually convinced myself that my life here in Jersey was not going to work out. I panicked and thought it would be a great idea to borrow one of my bosses vehicles (by the way, i'm a manager/Lead Climber/ Foreman at a very big tree surgery company. I am in charge of a crew of 11 blokes! How embarrassing :(  I live in a flat on site so this is way off the chart. I'm my bosses number 2! I have keys and everything!) I packed a bag and effectively stole a vehicle but was so high and irratic that I knocked a wing mirror off as I drove up the drive. I came to my senses and returned and put the damaged vehicle back, then I went back and unlocked my flat, wandered around a bit, left, locked my flat and knocked up one of the lads to drive me to the airport. He was of course totally bemused and I think a little on edge about my general state to say the least. (Oh by the way, my driving license was revoked on medical grounds a few years ago on medical grounds because of my tendancy to drive whilst manic!! So shouldn't have been driving anyways!!) I took £300 out of an ATM and presented at the departure desk to buy a ticket to England. The girl behind the counter was suspicious about my general demeanure and asked me if everything was ok to which I said it was fine. After rattling on at her with a massive story about why I needed to go home she finally stopped me and asked if I had bipolar........I said yes and asked what made here say that. She responded that her younger sister has it too and acts exactly the same in terms of speaking really fast and poor attention span, my body posture and agitation etc. She took me to one side and got it out of me at which point my boss rang my phone! It was 7am and I had not shown for work. She answered for me and he came and collected me and took me to the doctors. After only 5 mins talking she told me I was definately manic. I was given lorazepam there and then, which took the edge off the anxiety and panicky feelings but not much else then signed me off work and talked things through. That was monday......I have been taking my depakote properly all week, lorazepam 3 times a day and olanzapine once a day and I'm still manic. I've just been sat in my flat with the curtains drawn trying to settle down. Got a touch af aggrophobia and MASSIVE anxiety, butterflies, adreneline pumping, the shakes and disco legs lol. The meds are definately working but i'm still wide awake (as you can tell). My body is aching and I feel drained and exhausted but my brain just will not switch off or settle down. Least i'm aware of it at this point. I got a meeting with the community mental health nurse at 11 this morning for an assessment.

 

Well, time for my morning meds.

Hope you don't mind me rambling on......it's an outlet for me at this point........I feel well embarrassed, what on earth is my boss and my colleagues and everybody thinking about me right now? I dread to think.

PS my boss knows about my bipolar but think he still doesn't understand it.

Anyway,

Peace n Love

Chris.

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PS I have spent a very large portion of the £300 quid I took out for the flight on buying several way over the top takeaway orders to make myself feel better......banquets one could say. I ate very little and now am wondering why anybody would ever feel the need to buy so much food for one person??????? I also have spent a HUGE amount of money online buying video bundles of American Dad, The League Of Gentlemen etc on xbox video and have downloaded several expensive games online from the xbox store. Ihaven't kept interest with anything so far......what a stupid waste of money.

I save so hard and just when I think i'm doing well.......crazy Annie shows her face!  :(:(:(

Laters.

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The coffee shop (well cafe I guess) in my building has individually packaged saltines in their little straws/milk/lids tables. I think it's because they sell soup. 

I love ordering soup. I love saltines. But any bread/cracker/tortilla that comes in addition to my meal, I won't eat. So anyone that's with me will get my saltines. I have this thing against the side bread/cracker/tortilla that comes with orders. 

I bought cheddar. My bf and my mom both think it's weird that I don't have cheese in my place despite living in Wisconsin. Anyways I bought cheddar made in Wisconsin. I want to go back to Fromagination. They have awesome cheese but it's expensive as hell though. They have these cute little cheese orphans that are the leftover bits from the cuts. 

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PS I have spent a very large portion of the £300 quid I took out for the flight on buying several way over the top takeaway orders to make myself feel better......banquets one could say. I ate very little and now am wondering why anybody would ever feel the need to buy so much food for one person??????? I also have spent a HUGE amount of money online buying video bundles of American Dad, The League Of Gentlemen etc on xbox video and have downloaded several expensive games online from the xbox store. Ihaven't kept interest with anything so far......what a stupid waste of money.

I save so hard and just when I think i'm doing well.......crazy Annie shows her face!  :(:(:(

Laters.

Have you gotten in touch with your care team? I know in the UK mental health is a mess, but you really sound manic.

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Went for another secret walk last night, ended up riding the skytrain to the end of the line and back, then walked to the local 7-Eleven for the largest, most caffeinated slurpee I could find plus two bottles of water. Talked with a group of drunk girls and another guy out for a night walk, then talked with the bus driver on the ride back to my place which I specifically waited forty minutes for just so I could ride the bus.

 

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PS I have spent a very large portion of the £300 quid I took out for the flight on buying several way over the top takeaway orders to make myself feel better......banquets one could say. I ate very little and now am wondering why anybody would ever feel the need to buy so much food for one person??????? I also have spent a HUGE amount of money online buying video bundles of American Dad, The League Of Gentlemen etc on xbox video and have downloaded several expensive games online from the xbox store. Ihaven't kept interest with anything so far......what a stupid waste of money.

I save so hard and just when I think i'm doing well.......crazy Annie shows her face!  :(:(:(

Laters.

Have you gotten in touch with your care team? I know in the UK mental health is a mess, but you really sound manic.

Hi! thanks for your concern and thanks for the reply :)

Yes I have seen the doctor this morning then I went to see the phsychiatrist and my mental health nurse. They have put me up to 5mg nightly for the olanzapine and continuing on with my depakote 500mg twice a day and lorazepam 1m three times a day. I am manic but am aware of it now and am more inclined to question what i'm doing. For the moment I am signed off work so using my energy within the flat....it's super tidy now! The meds are getting rid of my anxiety and I managed 6 hours sleep last night, albeit at 4 in the morning (3 hours after 5mg olanzapene?) The nurse is coming to my flat to check on me tomorrow and is going to make contact with me everyday until I stabalise. Am hoping it is going to be in time for me to start back at work on monday next week. I am in a much better place than I was a week ago.....that was awful; totally panicky, adrenal gland nearly exploding, curtains shut, phone swithched off, hearing noises and so on, just awful state of mind..and that mixed with manic energy and an exhausted body. Anyhow I am doing better, I can feel that. One worries that it is just my mania peaking again though. Am eager to get back to my normal self even though sometimes I, like right now, I feel king of the world and full of creativity. Guess will just have to ride it out and try not to get in the situation again if I can help it. We worked it out that about a month ago I worked some emergency jobs after some storms that saw us working from 6 in the morning until midnight straight through for 6 days. I got mixed up with my meds and even missed a few then a week later the mania began. I didn't even realise until last weekend when I went way overboard then came back to earth with a bang after what I told you in the initial reply to this topic.

I got support now and so I'm managing it ok now,

Many thanks for your reply.

Chris :):) :)

 

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Tried to keep myself in because of an air quality advisory, lasted all of half an hour, ended up downtown taking rather fabulous pictures of myself, managed to catch the last bus home which meant dancing outside the skytrain station, no doubt to the amusement of the very bored taxi drivers parked in the kiss and go, for half an hour while I waited and then suddenly laundry because why not do laundry in the middle of the night.

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Tried to keep myself in because of an air quality advisory, lasted all of half an hour, ended up downtown taking rather fabulous pictures of myself, managed to catch the last bus home which meant dancing outside the skytrain station, no doubt to the amusement of the very bored taxi drivers parked in the kiss and go, for half an hour while I waited and then suddenly laundry because why not do laundry in the middle of the night.

Lol, I'm in the midnight laundry club too. I am doing my laundry now and cleaning my flat at the same time as surfing the net, listening to music, re-building a coil for my vaping device, ironing clothes and cooking some curry for the freezer! Can't sleep so need to burn the energy off. It is 12:25 at night here. Bless the midnight manics :)

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Tried to keep myself in because of an air quality advisory, lasted all of half an hour, ended up downtown taking rather fabulous pictures of myself, managed to catch the last bus home which meant dancing outside the skytrain station, no doubt to the amusement of the very bored taxi drivers parked in the kiss and go, for half an hour while I waited and then suddenly laundry because why not do laundry in the middle of the night.

Didn't you guys have a fire in the hills? One of my friends lives in Burnaby, and she was talking about it. Big fires just destroy air quality.

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We totally did, Burnaby Mountain really close to where my therapy clinic is, not a place one ever wants to see a fire, it's filled with kindling and with all the development up there now there's just so many livelihoods that could be ruined.

We have SO many fires going on right now throughout the southern regions though, and it's all those fires combined that are filtering the smoke directly into BC's lower mainland. The result was last night the air quality plummeting to the highest risk level, it was bloody ridiculous! (apocalyptic pic from my balcony when the air quality was still at 4/10) The AQ is expected to drop to 5 again overnight, which is way better than 10, but they weren't expecting it to hit 10 overnight last night either - initially it was forecast that the air quality would improve overnight, so I'll believe that when night falls. As it is I've had to move my mattress to the ground directly in front of my air conditioner as smoke is leeching through the gaps in my very old single-pane windows and making it difficult to breathe when sleeping.

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The sun is so eerie looking. I was in law school during the Oakland Firestorm (2800 single homes, plus 480+ apartment units burned, and of course a ton of commercial structures, and about two dozen people killed, yes, I looked that up). The sky looked like we were on another planet, and the smoke was making me cough even though I was on the other side of the bay (San Francisco).

Fires scare the fuck out of me.

My biggest nightmare is dying in a fire. Yet I want to be cremated. Hmm.

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