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1 minute ago, aura said:

Sorry, @Closure. I also get super worried as soon as depressive symptoms start rolling in. Hopefully it'll be short and mild.

Normally I don't, but I had such high hopes for the quetiapine, as it was the only med that seemed to help my depression ever. Maybe this will be short-lived, or maybe a simple med increase will help...

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I start school today! ?? After a very, very long break from any kind of actual schooling, I am going back to school this morning. My first class starts at 11:45, the second not until 5:00 pm. It'

I feel really mentally well these days. I can honestly say I feel happy (not pathologically happy) for the first time in a long time. I hope it continues!

I was just told that whatever meds I was on for the past two months, they were WORKING and I should have stuck with them because I've never seemed so happy and animated. I was uncomfortably manic that

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1 minute ago, Closure said:

Normally I don't, but I had such high hopes for the quetiapine, as it was the only med that seemed to help my depression ever. Maybe this will be short-lived, or maybe a simple med increase will help...

Well, good news is you have lots of room to go up on Seroquel. Maybe you just need a small med tweak.

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21 hours ago, aura said:

My DIY Christmas plans are coming along swimmingly. I've already made soap and lip balm. I'm also going to make lotion and bath bombs. My fiancee and I are sort of broke this Christmas, so that's the best we could do. I'm really enjoying making everything. 

I just wish I weren't dealing with illusions/hallucinations/whatever they are. I feel like I'm constantly looking around to confirm whether or not something is really there. The icons right above the screen to type in keep getting distorted. I swear I just saw that eye blink.

Those sound like awesome gifts! Definitely way cooler to get homemade stuff in my opinion. :) hope your hallucinations subside some... no fun at all. 

4 hours ago, 2Spirals said:

We made coloring books for adults. We used old drawings and notes from my gf's anatomy classes, and drew pictures and wrote quotes or poems to go along with them. They will hopefully be liked. So far no one has said anything. We mailed them about a week ago, maybe they aren't there yet...

So cool! What a fun, unique gift! Mail tends to take longer with so much being shipped so they likely are delayed a bit. 

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My gf thinks I am going flat due to the amount of Abilify I've been taking to squish down my mania. I'm not manic anymore, I don't think. But she's right, I am a little flat. She had me break the 15's in half and take one of those, with a 5mg. To make 12. We'll see how a little less will work for me. Maybe I ought to ask my doc for 10mg. Maybe that's the dose I need to balance mania and flatness. I like being stable though, I really hesitate to tip the scales in either direction at all... despite being emotionless, quiet, and less energetic.

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I'm afraid I'm slipping down into depression after having been manic for almost a month, and I'm actively trying to keep my mood up within the realm of mania even though I know how bad those consequences could be to try and trigger the mania again.

I'm also really ashamed to say that I've only taken a dose and a half of my meds and I'm already thinking of going off them because I was told they could crash me into depression when I was prescribed them. And I've had thoughts that these are what's causing me to slow down, but I've read they take a week to really start working.

EDIT: 

And bonus. My sister has an old oxycodone prescription she never finished laying around, and I've been thinking of taking some to get high. Whoop dee doo.

Edited by jacques
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My depression is back, after about a month of being gone aside from some minor blips. Last night I was getting catatonia, usually for me indicative of severe depression, even though I did not feel that depressed. Today I have had multiple coworkers telling me to speak up repeatedly even though I felt like I was speaking plenty loud enough, also a sign of significant depression for me, even though then I only felt mildly depressed. And now I'm feeling more depressed than before, like I can clearly tell a difference between me a few days ago and me now. Luckily my pdoc appt is only three days from now, so we can talk about whether to bump up the quetiapine, or whether this is minor enough such that we would just want to wait and see about it.

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3 hours ago, Closure said:

whether this is minor enough such that we would just want to wait and see about it.

I just want add that I would be careful waiting because sometimes the depression can slip so fast you don't even realize it.

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43 minutes ago, melissaw72 said:

I just want add that I would be careful waiting because sometimes the depression can slip so fast you don't even realize it.

I agree completely with melissaw72 -- if you're showing signs of severe depression, you should do something right away to prevent it getting out of control.  It can hit you like a freight train out of nowhere.

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On ‎12‎/‎16‎/‎2016 at 8:23 PM, jacques said:

I'm afraid I'm slipping down into depression after having been manic for almost a month, and I'm actively trying to keep my mood up within the realm of mania even though I know how bad those consequences could be to try and trigger the mania again.

I'm also really ashamed to say that I've only taken a dose and a half of my meds and I'm already thinking of going off them because I was told they could crash me into depression when I was prescribed them. And I've had thoughts that these are what's causing me to slow down, but I've read they take a week to really start working.

EDIT: 

And bonus. My sister has an old oxycodone prescription she never finished laying around, and I've been thinking of taking some to get high. Whoop dee doo.

Remember that the Mania Monster is a wolf in sheep's clothing -- it's just no t worth it, and in the end it's only going to make your depression worse!! I know it's easier said than done in that area because when you're in the downward spiral, mania seems like the best choice ... but you know it's not.  As you're taking your meds, try to keep telling yourself it's only a week.

As for the oxycodone ... DON'T DO IT.  Once your foot's in the door, it makes it that much easier for it to get out of hand.  I hope you're feeling well soon.  Stay strong.

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On 12/16/2016 at 7:23 PM, jacques said:

I'm afraid I'm slipping down into depression after having been manic for almost a month, and I'm actively trying to keep my mood up within the realm of mania even though I know how bad those consequences could be to try and trigger the mania again.

I'm also really ashamed to say that I've only taken a dose and a half of my meds and I'm already thinking of going off them because I was told they could crash me into depression when I was prescribed them. And I've had thoughts that these are what's causing me to slow down, but I've read they take a week to really start working.

EDIT: 

And bonus. My sister has an old oxycodone prescription she never finished laying around, and I've been thinking of taking some to get high. Whoop dee doo.

I have no words of wisdom or support.  Just wanna say I get it and if I could get oxy I would too. The attractiveness of mania is intoxicating. 

It won't end well, but it is what it is.  

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I am fucking cycling, for the first time in months. The night before last and yesterday morning I was depressed. The middle of the day yesterday through yesterday evening I was mixed. And now I am depressed again. Yay. My question is, why the hell is this happening?

(And to top it off, I am hallucinating a lot right now.)

Edited by Closure
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7 minutes ago, Closure said:

I am fucking cycling, for the first time in months. The night before last and yesterday morning I was depressed. The middle of the day yesterday through yesterday evening I was mixed. And now I am depressed again. Yay. My question is, why the hell is this happening?

(And to top it off, I am hallucinating a lot right now.)

sounds like an emergency trip to the pdoc is in order, especially if hallucinating. I am sorry you're going through that. I wish you the best of luck in figuring it all out.

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17 minutes ago, Alien Navel Cord said:

sounds like an emergency trip to the pdoc is in order, especially if hallucinating. I am sorry you're going through that. I wish you the best of luck in figuring it all out.

I see my tdoc today, and my pdoc the day after tomorrow. I should note that, all things considered, my hallucinations are pretty innocuous, despite being more intense than usual. (I have always hallucinated since going on quetiapine, but this is stronger than that, like my old hallucinations prior to going on risperidone ages ago.) I still am going to call my pdoc about this today, though.

Edited by Closure
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I hate when I wake up at 4:30am as if it's time to be awake (in part because of a too early bedtime), then manage to coax myself back into sleep via a sleep meditation, only to then wake up again around 6 and have to rinse and repeat until I get to 7:30 and can call it a reasonable time to wake up.  I didn't have to get up until 7:30.  Couldn't my body have just recognized it?

 

(I'm 95% sure this is at least in part bedtime and caffeine and I'm also exhausted now.  I don't feel unusual and don't think it's hypomania or mania.)

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