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Anybody With Bipolar Want to Share?

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Okay, so a little while ago I went to take a shower. And when I was in shower I could swear I heard the front door opening and slamming, opening and slamming. I kept telling myself it was just the downstairs neighbors but then the sounds were coming from my kitchen (which is next to the bathroom). I started kind of freaking out but also wondering if maybe they were just hallucinations (cos that happens to me, especially with white noise type sounds like the shower). Eventually I heard something crash in the kitchen. I jumped out of the shower soaking wet and ran into the kitchen. A bottle of olive oil was knocked over! I ran to see if my cats were responsible, but they were both asleep. I ran around my whole apartment looking for a break-in but no one is here. What the hell is going on? I'm worried maybe ghosts are messing with me. Or maybe someone broke in and left before I could find them. Or they're hiding really well. What else could it be? Stuff doesn't move on its own. How am I supposed to sleep tonight? :(

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It's ok.. Fuck, sleep with the olive oil bottle with you. leave a lamp on maybe? do you have double locks?

Edited by KnickNak

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Just now, KnickNak said:

It's ok.. Can you sleep downstairs? Fuck, sleep with the olive oil bottle with you. leave a lamp on maybe? do you have double locks?

I live in an apartment building, so I've got nowhere else to go. My fiance is out and I can't wait till she gets home. Seriously though how could anything knock over the olive oil?

Also... if these "hallucinations" turn out to be true sounds, then what does that mean about my myriad other hallucinations? Maybe they're real too!

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Yeah, sorry i edited that out and realized you don't have 2 floors.. did you do anything in the kitchen before you took a shower? Yeah, i see your point.. how you question everything else then. Just keep your doors locked, keep your phone by you and if it helps make a check list that you checked that and nothing was there etc

if someone were to ever did break in get a MagLite *flashlight* those things can fuck people up .. if you don't want a weapon 

Edited by KnickNak

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4 minutes ago, KnickNak said:

Yeah, sorry i edited that out and realized you don't have 2 floors.. did you do anything in the kitchen before you took a shower? Yeah, i see your point.. how you question everything else then. Just keep your doors locked, keep your phone by you and if it helps make a check list that you checked that and nothing was there etc

if someone were to ever did break in get a MagLite *flashlight* those things can fuck people up .. if you don't want a weapon 

My fiance came home so I feel a bit more safe now. I think I need to cleanse my apartment of spirits... burn some sage or something. I just heard footsteps in my kitchen but when I got up to see nothing was there. FUCK.

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1 minute ago, aura said:

My fiance came home so I feel a bit more safe now. I think I need to cleanse my apartment of spirits... burn some sage or something. I just heard footsteps in my kitchen but when I got up to see nothing was there. FUCK.

I'm glad she's home go hug her!! And yes burn some Sage .. i had an energy healer once, she did that. Maybe you and your Fiance can watch a movie or something to distract you. 

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11 hours ago, KnickNak said:

Today was good I think? I haven't cried in 2 days which is a plus. I gained 2 pounds .. i sort of had a sleep walk trance last night at 3am..there was apple pie in the house and i destroyed it ,I have a sugar hangover  So i think that's why i gained 2 pounds haha. I got out to the park and skated and played some hockey .. i need to buy a helmet asap. i don't need anymore problems with my head. 

I went to my moms work and they had these Orchids there that were sort of cool, so i went and bought some.. i did some research on them AFTER i bought them and apparently there is an old tale that Greek women believed that if the father of their unborn child ate large, new orchids tubers, the baby would be a boy and women being fertile etc.. i am not about that right now haha. Tulips are my favorite tho.. but we have a ways to go until those bloom. 

Here is the fertile plant.. i think i will water them with birth control

 

 

 

1822C905-6033-419E-B8B6-998018B689BA_zps

 

Those are absolutely beautiful!  Great choice in color!

 

 

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10 hours ago, Rabidtears said:

Today wasn't that great. My SO was in a mood, and I am the type of person whose moods bounce off of those around them. My husband was being an ass and I even called him out on it. I was doing my very best to keep it from effecting me. What ended up happening instead was it made me more or less depressed. I was all but flipping out. Then an issue over transportation for my son came up and that turned into a big to-do and I really hate conflict. I can't handle it. I told him this, yet he proceeded with what he thought was right. I started bawling because conflict concerning my kid scares me. If he hasn't been in an angry mood then he's been in the deadpan mood. And I am the one who is bipolar! I don't know how to deal with that. To top it all off I am under drs orders not to drive due to hypersomnia/narcolepsy and he wakes me up and tells me to drive half an hour to go pick him up. At this point I would rather risk it [since I've had a nap] rather than send him with his temper. So I go and hope for the best. Aside frome torrential rain it goes well enough. 

I am at my wits end. And to make matters worse I ran out of lithium this morning and do not see my doctor again until Thursday!  New doc]  I am just ..... I just just spit fire right now! I feel destructive. And I want to cry.

Have you tried couple's therapy? (I don't remember if I've asked you this before or not ... apologies if I have)

I know some people in it and it is really really helping.  More than they thought it would. 

I'm sorry your husband doesn't understand about the hypersomnia/narcolepsy.  I have that too, and with falling asleep ... I could be wide awake then all of sudden wake up after sleeping for a couple hours.  The tiredness comes on fast ... I'm glad you safely brought your son to school and then got back home safely also.

Re: the lithium ... can you call your pharmacy to ask for a few days to hold you off until you get to the DR?  The pharm I go to will do that as long as it is not not a controlled substance, which lithium is not.  If that doesn't work, I'd try calling your new pdoc's office, explain you are a new patient and you need a few days of lithium, and could the pdoc prescribe at least enough to get you through until the appt?

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8 hours ago, aura said:

Also... if these "hallucinations" turn out to be true sounds, then what does that mean about my myriad other hallucinations? Maybe they're real too!

I can relate to this ... I absolutely hate when I can't tell the difference between a hallucination sound and a real sound.  This are better for me now.  But when I was engulfed in the beginnings with the hallucinations, I could not tell the difference between then and it freaked me out.  It is so damn stressful!

 

 

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I finally feel 'stable' I think... (never sure, I'm bad at knowing myself) and then the gf tells me that I was overly talkative on the phone last night when she called me from work and "do I need to worry?" ...no! I'm fine! I just talked a lot, big deal, that means nothing. Ugh

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1 hour ago, Alien Navel Cord said:

I finally feel 'stable' I think... (never sure, I'm bad at knowing myself) and then the gf tells me that I was overly talkative on the phone last night when she called me from work and "do I need to worry?" ...no! I'm fine! I just talked a lot, big deal, that means nothing. Ugh

Always being on the watch for symptoms is super frustrating. I hope it's nothing and the stability continues.

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23 minutes ago, aura said:

Always being on the watch for symptoms is super frustrating. I hope it's nothing and the stability continues.

Thank you, me too. I'm keeping a close watch on myself, though I have the worst self-understanding EVER... lol

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Is this manic behavior?

A friend of mine doesn't have much money in fact no money .. i get disability. but i can lend him some .. he told me about this stock that is doing very well and is going up and is upset he didn't buy sooner. It is a Pharmaceutical Research company for medical marijuana. At the moment i am at that point where i don't really care about much in life and i am living as if there was no tomorrow. I know i probably won't get this money back, unless the stock does well. 

And i have bought other things these past few weeks without thinking... I am terrified of flying.. but yet i am looking at vacation package deals. 

I made an appt / consult for breast implants...oh yeah? still don't know how i will pay for those. 

There is a guitar i want which that i can do because i have a credit/account with company. 

I am looking at different careers in college , like oh this one no wait this one 

finally masturbated .. it was meh, Had to watch porn tho but an orgasm is an orgasm ?

I am not eating 

Last week i wanted to kill myself.

 

Edited by KnickNak

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1 hour ago, KnickNak said:

Is this manic behavior?

A friend of mine doesn't have much money in fact no money .. i get disability. but i can lend him some .. he told me about this stock that is doing very well and is going up and is upset he didn't buy sooner. It is a Pharmaceutical Research company for medical marijuana. At the moment i am at that point where i don't really care about much in life and i am living as if there was no tomorrow. I know i probably won't get this money back, unless the stock does well. 

And i have bought other things these past few weeks without thinking... I am terrified of flying.. but yet i am looking at vacation package deals. 

I made an appt / consult for breast implants...oh yeah? still don't know how i will pay for those. 

There is a guitar i want which that i can do because i have a credit/account with company. 

I am looking at different careers in college , like oh this one no wait this one 

finally masturbated .. it was meh, Had to watch porn tho but an orgasm is an orgasm ?

I am not eating 

Last week i wanted to kill myself.

 

 

When I get manic, everything happens impulsively, at the last minute, without any sort of control over anything.

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30 minutes ago, melissaw72 said:

 

 

When I get manic, everything happens impulsively, at the last minute, without any sort of control over anything.

Yes, that me.. this has all happened within the last 2 days .. the shopping.. has been continuing. All i have to do is wait for the money to run out.. luckily i am poor.

Edited by KnickNak

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I called to confirm my prescriptions from the pharmacy. When I got there they had me look at the bottles to make sure they were what I wanted. They were not but my mate was my ride since I don't have a car anymore, and so I couldn't wait for the correct meds. So now I have the wrong stuff and missing one crucial med: Abilify. I'm stable right now and they didn't get my Abilify filled. I didn't realize it at the time. Until I got home. And my mate swears she is NOT going back to the pharmacy for at least 2 weeks because it is a hassle. 

So I am screwed. I'm stable!! I don't want to get manic, I need my Abilify! She'd be soooo angry with me if she found out about all of this though. So I got to white-knuckle it for the time being...

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I saw my Pdoc today.  I am doing pretty well so I dont have to go back for 4 weeks. No med changes. The last change was in October with the addition of Gabapentin.  Things clicked.  I came out of depression and so far have done well. Blips here and there. 

He was a bit concerned about the akathisia.   By about 2 pm everyday I just can't not move.  It gets worse the  more I hold it in. I start repetitive movements.  Bleh.    But I am stable so cant have it all.   Sleep is hard so I have been rocking/thrashing, I do fall asleep though.  He suggested I take my Ativan and see if that reduces the need to move.   Good idea , hah.  I never think to take it.   I can run a bit high but I see it.  I would rather run a bit high than a bit low. 

He was glad to hear I was skating.  He believes strongly that exercise helps with depression.  I can see what he means. I am really enjoying learning things all over again and seeing what I can do from memory.  

Edited by DragonsBreath

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On 23/08/2013 at 0:05 PM, angel_heart said:

ANYBODY WITH BIPOLAR WANT TO SHARE?

 

This is a place to share something you feel like sharing when you do not want to open a thread or post in an existing thread.

 

This thread does not have a topic. You can share about anything you want (just follow CB Terms).

 

The next person's share can be on a completely different topic. It does not necessarily need to relate to the previous share(s).

 

The purpose of the thread is be heard and to give support and encouragement to others.

So what would you like to share?

life story-I'm 24 and I've been up and down from the age of 12.. I turned very aggressive, full of myself, started sleeping with a few guys at 13. when I was 15 I had a son(planned by me), moved out of home at 16, things spiralled then. I had parties every weekend, drinking ALOT and taking a lot of drugs aswell, ended up giving my son to my mum.. in this time I must of slept with 20+ men. this was in the space of 6 months.. in that time I kept changing my mind about getting my son back but my life was not the right place for him to be.. I spent every single penny as soon as it went in my bank on rubbish and drink and alcohol.. anyway I got kicked out and moved back to mums where I locked myself in her attack  (my bedroom) for 3 months.. then I suppose I was "normal" got a job, got a bond back with my son, wasn't snappy and irritable, not bothered about sex at all, was just sorting my life out I thought things were good and my future was looking good .. this lasted for about a year.. then I started to hear pigs in the bushes on my 2 mile walk home from work.. could feel people putting bugs in my hair on busses, could hear people's thoughts about me so i got my license.. i became really unreliable in work (whereas for the whole year i used to walk 2 miles to get a bus and wait in work for an hour before starting), I got back in a relationship with my sons dad, the next day slept with a stranger, 2 days later drove 4 hours away to spend the night with a guy I hadn't seen or spoken to in 3 years, on the way back from there i thought "let's go get my tongue pierced" so i did. then me and my sons dad moved in together.. i planned to get pregnant with him without him knowing.. had a miscarriage.. met another stranger and finished with my sons dad for this guy.. within a week I had lost my home and my license and my job.. my uncle let me live in a caravan on his farm.. I stayed there for a few messy months and then put myself in homeless accommodation, all the while being (again) full of myself, aggressive, arguing and fighting, even hit my sister because I thought she was taking someone else's side  (which she completely denied) so my mum thought that was me hallucinating! took drugs and drank alot of alcohol again. got tattoos and Piercings being impulsive.. argued alot. planned to get pregnant again. I had a few miscarriages due to my lifestyle.. then moved back to the house I moved into when I was 16 with this new partner.. domestic abuse on his side.. allowed him to woe my best friend while I was depressed at home which led to him sleeping with her, he ended up going to jail for nearly killing someone.. I met a guy on the run then he went to jail and started writing to him, got in a relationship with him. started sleeping with an underage boy.. he moved away.. I got made homeless again for the same reasons as last time (have to add that both times I left the house in an absolute state) moved to my grandads, was depressed and overdosed.. he tried touching me up so I moved into a mates with my best mate, started sleeping with my best mate, finished with the guy in jail (who I visited every week 2 hours away and sent him extremely sexual letters and no pictures knowing the guards would be looking at them too) got in a relationship with my best mate, got made homeless again, got raped, got pregnant then with my boyfriend, the whole pregnancy I was crazy angry (never been like that in my life) he was stillborn, was depressed due to that, then got pregnant again and I led a normal life the whole pregnancy and afterwards, got pregnant again when she was 6 months old, still leading a normal life even though I was spending like crazy.. got £3000 compo and spent it all that day.. gave birth and went on a downward spiral, hating my life, my kids, my boyfriend.. cutting myself, overdosed when my youngest was a few months old, although i got a loan for £3000 and spent it all again the same day.. got referred to psychiatrists who put me on antidepressants  ( tried alot of antidepressants over the years and they worked for about a month then stopped so I tried upping them but they kept putting me on an extreme high for the month then depressed before upping them again) well this time was the same so they put me on lamotrigine aswell but the same happened and then I tried to end my life again so I stopped the medication (cold turkey) which then put me on a high.. the psychiatrist then put me on quetiapine 100mg because i was extremely angry with my partner,kids and friends but was high as in ocd, very active, talkative, racing thoughts, same song over and over again which caused me to "gurn" during the day. but told me to take them as and when i needed to but I didn't want to be a zombie in the day so I just took 25mg at night which gave me a good night's sleep but I still woke up extremely angry so I went docs and now I'm back on lamotrigine and taking quetiapine every night.. now I feel normal, happy, life is good but then again I've only been like this for a couple of days.. psychiatrist won't diagnose me but has put me on these meds.. would they work this well if I was "normal" not bipolar? sorry for the essay but I had to give the whole picture hah ?

 

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1 hour ago, shweaty said:

life story-I'm 24 and I've been up and down from the age of 12.. I turned very aggressive, full of myself, started sleeping with a few guys at 13. when I was 15 I had a son(planned by me), moved out of home at 16, things spiralled then. I had parties every weekend, drinking ALOT and taking a lot of drugs aswell, ended up giving my son to my mum.. in this time I must of slept with 20+ men. this was in the space of 6 months.. in that time I kept changing my mind about getting my son back but my life was not the right place for him to be.. I spent every single penny as soon as it went in my bank on rubbish and drink and alcohol.. anyway I got kicked out and moved back to mums where I locked myself in her attack  (my bedroom) for 3 months.. then I suppose I was "normal" got a job, got a bond back with my son, wasn't snappy and irritable, not bothered about sex at all, was just sorting my life out I thought things were good and my future was looking good .. this lasted for about a year.. then I started to hear pigs in the bushes on my 2 mile walk home from work.. could feel people putting bugs in my hair on busses, could hear people's thoughts about me so i got my license.. i became really unreliable in work (whereas for the whole year i used to walk 2 miles to get a bus and wait in work for an hour before starting), I got back in a relationship with my sons dad, the next day slept with a stranger, 2 days later drove 4 hours away to spend the night with a guy I hadn't seen or spoken to in 3 years, on the way back from there i thought "let's go get my tongue pierced" so i did. then me and my sons dad moved in together.. i planned to get pregnant with him without him knowing.. had a miscarriage.. met another stranger and finished with my sons dad for this guy.. within a week I had lost my home and my license and my job.. my uncle let me live in a caravan on his farm.. I stayed there for a few messy months and then put myself in homeless accommodation, all the while being (again) full of myself, aggressive, arguing and fighting, even hit my sister because I thought she was taking someone else's side  (which she completely denied) so my mum thought that was me hallucinating! took drugs and drank alot of alcohol again. got tattoos and Piercings being impulsive.. argued alot. planned to get pregnant again. I had a few miscarriages due to my lifestyle.. then moved back to the house I moved into when I was 16 with this new partner.. domestic abuse on his side.. allowed him to woe my best friend while I was depressed at home which led to him sleeping with her, he ended up going to jail for nearly killing someone.. I met a guy on the run then he went to jail and started writing to him, got in a relationship with him. started sleeping with an underage boy.. he moved away.. I got made homeless again for the same reasons as last time (have to add that both times I left the house in an absolute state) moved to my grandads, was depressed and overdosed.. he tried touching me up so I moved into a mates with my best mate, started sleeping with my best mate, finished with the guy in jail (who I visited every week 2 hours away and sent him extremely sexual letters and no pictures knowing the guards would be looking at them too) got in a relationship with my best mate, got made homeless again, got raped, got pregnant then with my boyfriend, the whole pregnancy I was crazy angry (never been like that in my life) he was stillborn, was depressed due to that, then got pregnant again and I led a normal life the whole pregnancy and afterwards, got pregnant again when she was 6 months old, still leading a normal life even though I was spending like crazy.. got £3000 compo and spent it all that day.. gave birth and went on a downward spiral, hating my life, my kids, my boyfriend.. cutting myself, overdosed when my youngest was a few months old, although i got a loan for £3000 and spent it all again the same day.. got referred to psychiatrists who put me on antidepressants  ( tried alot of antidepressants over the years and they worked for about a month then stopped so I tried upping them but they kept putting me on an extreme high for the month then depressed before upping them again) well this time was the same so they put me on lamotrigine aswell but the same happened and then I tried to end my life again so I stopped the medication (cold turkey) which then put me on a high.. the psychiatrist then put me on quetiapine 100mg because i was extremely angry with my partner,kids and friends but was high as in ocd, very active, talkative, racing thoughts, same song over and over again which caused me to "gurn" during the day. but told me to take them as and when i needed to but I didn't want to be a zombie in the day so I just took 25mg at night which gave me a good night's sleep but I still woke up extremely angry so I went docs and now I'm back on lamotrigine and taking quetiapine every night.. now I feel normal, happy, life is good but then again I've only been like this for a couple of days.. psychiatrist won't diagnose me but has put me on these meds.. would they work this well if I was "normal" not bipolar? sorry for the essay but I had to give the whole picture hah ?

 

I'm sorry for your loss.  That would have sent me into a spiral also.

(in bold)  Idk if the meds you were/are on would work as well as if you were "normal" bipolar or not.  It is nice to have a diagnosis, but the treatment is important also.  I think it is important to work on the symptoms to be treated, no matter what your diagnosis is. 

So I take it that you have a current psychiatrist (pdoc)?   If it were me, I would be very honest about everything with pdoc, including how you are taking meds (or not) right now.  I would also get medications settled with pdoc (and taken as prescribed ... no cold turkey, no adjusting meds without pdoc's ok).  I think that would be a good start because other things in life that are a problem might fall into place.

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