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3 hours ago, KnickNak said:

Do any of you.. hold things in from your Pdoc because you don't want a med change or dosage change? .. This last month has been bad, and my new therapist insists I call her tomorrow and tell her what has been happening lately. The reason I don't want med changes are weight issues I finally got to a weight that is manageable for me and the other reason is the fear of unknown if it the meds will make me worse etc. 

My OCD is very bad, my dreams are horrid plus I can remember the details the next morning, my sleeping is terrible and now with this not remembering things or if things happened and sensitivity with my ears etc. Which is why a phone call is needed. The xanax is just masking the symptoms for right now. 

Ughh. Screw you Brain, why do you have to be soo damn difficult. 

I've been really up front with my pdoc, except when it comes to a few drugs that I take that he does not prescribe, namely muscle relaxers, benzos, and painkillers. I came clean recently about everything except the benzos. He also knows that I have a substantial "pharmacy" and that I experiment sometimes. He has been very accommodating and sympathetic, probably because I just blurt out everything (well, almost everything). I'm also loathe to take pills when I don't need them, perhaps to a fault, and I think he gets that. 

But I've never held back psychiatric symptoms or any other medical conditions from him. When I was upset that my hair was falling out and that I wanted to stop my meds (after a year of being asymptomatic), he guided me through that. It backfired on me in a big way, but that's another matter. 

I think if you have a good relationship with your pdoc, that you should be as honest as you possibly can be. It will probably ultimately help you with your treatment in the long run. And your therapist is not your pdoc, and you can tell him/her to piss off if you want. But I despise therapy, so I'm biased. I'd rather drive a stake through my left eye than go to weekly therapy appointments, to be honest. But that's just me. If you find it helpful, make use of it.

Edited by Flash
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15 hours ago, aura said:

It's probably best to be honest with your pdoc, @KnickNak. Let him/her know about your fear of weight gain and other side effects, and together you can make the decision to adjust meds or not. I can relate to your dilemma, but if things aren't going so well, maybe you do need a change.

Thanks! , Aura .. I have been honest with her 95% of the time just lately I don't know if I can . But you're right she and I can make a good decision on what we can do .. I just have to strongly tell her my concerns about the weight issue. 

13 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I agree with @aura ... you are feeling so crappy as it is ... if there is any chance to try to feel better than you are, I would (personally) take it.  Maybe the med/s/change/tweak will help, maybe not, but at least you tried.

Indeed , I called her . It wasn't an urgent call so it will take a few days to hear back. Thanks , Melissaw!

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12 hours ago, Flash said:

I've been really up front with my pdoc, except when it comes to a few drugs that I take that he does not prescribe, namely muscle relaxers, benzos, and painkillers. I came clean recently about everything except the benzos. He also knows that I have a substantial "pharmacy" and that I experiment sometimes. He has been very accommodating and sympathetic, probably because I just blurt out everything (well, almost everything). I'm also loathe to take pills when I don't need them, perhaps to a fault, and I think he gets that. 

But I've never held back psychiatric symptoms or any other medical conditions from him. When I was upset that my hair was falling out and that I wanted to stop my meds (after a year of being asymptomatic), he guided me through that. It backfired on me in a big way, but that's another matter. 

I think if you have a good relationship with your pdoc, that you should be as honest as you possibly can be. It will probably ultimately help you with your treatment in the long run. And your therapist is not your pdoc, and you can tell him/her to piss off if you want. But I despise therapy, so I'm biased. I'd rather drive a stake through my left eye than go to weekly therapy appointments, to be honest. But that's just me. If you find it helpful, make use of it.

Yep, I am being sort of dumb and shouldn't be holding back... I need to tell her . I have seen her for 5 years too. It's only hurting me. I just know she will be like lets Up this dose and I will be pissed .. and she will say well...what's more important , body image or mental stability. Ugh. Sounds like you have an awesome relationship with your Pdoc.  Thanks for the feedback , Flash! 

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23 minutes ago, KnickNak said:

Yep, I am being sort of dumb and shouldn't be holding back... I need to tell her . I have seen her for 5 years too. It's only hurting me. I just know she will be like lets Up this dose and I will be pissed .. and she will say well...what's more important , body image or mental stability. Ugh. Sounds like you have an awesome relationship with your Pdoc.  Thanks for the feedback , Flash! 

Well, sometimes poor body image leads to situational depression, which is not fun either. But not every pdoc or tdoc is accommodating when it comes to these things. I don't think it's a simple decision. When I went off meds, everything went to shit on me within a week. And until very recently, I was just going from one episode to another. I'm not sure if I would make the same decisions again. I've gone through quite a bit of hell lately, and I'm not sure if my hair was worth it. 

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By any chance were you on Topamax? I hear people can lose hair on that drug. 

5 hours ago, Flash said:

Well, sometimes poor body image leads to situational depression, which is not fun either. But not every pdoc or tdoc is accommodating when it comes to these things. I don't think it's a simple decision. When I went off meds, everything went to shit on me within a week. And until very recently, I was just going from one episode to another. I'm not sure if I would make the same decisions again. I've gone through quite a bit of hell lately, and I'm not sure if my hair was worth it. 

 

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45 minutes ago, aura said:

I can't do this anymore. My motivation is gone. I feel sad and lonely. I just want to go home and hide from the world. I wish I could at least sleep, but zyprexa has taken that away from me.

I'm sorry you feel like crap ... do you need to go IP?

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  • 2 weeks later...

My sister has been super bitchy to me lately and told me to find something to do ... So I bought a harmonica and play it when she is sleeping.. passive-aggressive much Muwhahah :D to be fair.. I am playing Neil Young. 

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1 hour ago, KnickNak said:

My sister has been super bitchy to me lately and told me to find something to do ... So I bought a harmonica and play it when she is sleeping.. passive-aggressive much Muwhahah :D to be fair.. I am playing Neil Young. 

LOL ... that is a really good one! :lol:

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My anxiety has gotten way out of control recently. A lot of panic and a lot of obsessing and constant researching compulsively and meltdowns constantly. I feel terrible and can't do things like walk down the street with the fear that I'll need to go to the restroom if I do... So I end up hiding next to public restrooms but can't go inside because people are hiding to kill me inside... 

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On 4/15/2017 at 2:58 AM, survivingbp said:

My anxiety has gotten way out of control recently. A lot of panic and a lot of obsessing and constant researching compulsively and meltdowns constantly. I feel terrible and can't do things like walk down the street with the fear that I'll need to go to the restroom if I do... So I end up hiding next to public restrooms but can't go inside because people are hiding to kill me inside... 

I agree with @Closure. Thinking someone is going to kill you in public bathrooms is highly unlikely.

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haven't been on CB in ages. so much has happened. was hospitalized in may due to a severe mixed episode, moved to a new city and had to leave my awesome pdoc behind. i've since gotten a new one, but she's one of those 5 min. appointmenters (are you suicidal, are you taking your meds, here's your refill see you next time) - in the process of looking for a new one. applied for disability after a mutual decision of leaving my job after my hospitalization - got denied am appealing it. lost my cousin to suicide in january.

 

sorry this is all jumbly, my thoughts are kinda all over the place right now. thanks for listening/reading

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8 minutes ago, electricbamboo said:

haven't been on CB in ages. so much has happened. was hospitalized in may due to a severe mixed episode, moved to a new city and had to leave my awesome pdoc behind. i've since gotten a new one, but she's one of those 5 min. appointmenters (are you suicidal, are you taking your meds, here's your refill see you next time) - in the process of looking for a new one. applied for disability after a mutual decision of leaving my job after my hospitalization - got denied am appealing it. lost my cousin to suicide in january.

 

sorry this is all jumbly, my thoughts are kinda all over the place right now. thanks for listening/reading

I'm sorry for your loss and all that you are dealing with.  Leaving a pdoc behind is to me, trauma in itself, especially when it is a really good one that you work well with together.

That sucks about the new pdoc.  I hope you can find a better one.

The process of getting disability can be hard.  There are always pro bono lawyers out there that you don't have to pay unless you win.  And they get paid with a portion of your back-pay.

I hope things start to turn around for you.

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4 minutes ago, melissaw72 said:

I'm sorry for your loss and all that you are dealing with.  Leaving a pdoc behind is to me, trauma in itself, especially when it is a really good one that you work well with together.

That sucks about the new pdoc.  I hope you can find a better one.

The process of getting disability can be hard.  There are always pro bono lawyers out there that you don't have to pay unless you win.  And they get paid with a portion of your back-pay.

I hope things start to turn around for you.

Thank you. My cousin dealt with a lot, he was actually looking forward to seeking help for his mental health with the insurance he was goign to be getting at his new job, unfortunately he didn't make it. i miss him a lot, we were pretty close.

 

Yeah it was definitely traumatic to leave my pdoc, she and i had been through a lot together and i felt like she really cared for me. we actually both got a lil teary eyed on our last meeting. 

 

Thanks for the advice about pro bono lawyers. I will look into this today

 

On the upside, my husband and i moved into a nice house, actually the nicest place either of us have ever lived before! our dog has a back yard and the cat has free run of the place - hes actually running up and down the hall as we speak now lol

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9 minutes ago, electricbamboo said:

Thank you. My cousin dealt with a lot, he was actually looking forward to seeking help for his mental health with the insurance he was goign to be getting at his new job, unfortunately he didn't make it. i miss him a lot, we were pretty close.

 

Yeah it was definitely traumatic to leave my pdoc, she and i had been through a lot together and i felt like she really cared for me. we actually both got a lil teary eyed on our last meeting. 

 

Thanks for the advice about pro bono lawyers. I will look into this today

 

On the upside, my husband and i moved into a nice house, actually the nicest place either of us have ever lived before! our dog has a back yard and the cat has free run of the place - hes actually running up and down the hall as we speak now lol

I'm glad something good has happened with the move ... a nice house, and the dog must be in clouds right now having the backyard to run in!  And the cat I'm sure is excited too with so much more room to run around in ... thanks for posting back :) 

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