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12 hours ago, KnickNak said:

More than 1/2 of 2017 is over , have any of you accomplished any goals or something different that you may have wanted to do .. or have something you want to do in the next few months. 

No. I don't think I've accomplished much. But I will in in the 2nd half of the year I think.Life is a crazy thing.

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On 7/16/2017 at 9:39 PM, KnickNak said:

Do any of you buy stuff impulsively for a quick fix to feel happy or good? And then days or weeks later it wears off?  

4 gallons of Sherwin williams paint sitting in my office since last year.  Sigh....

I stopped taking Latuda.  It was going to cost me $1000 to meet my deductible and fill my script, and my dr. Had no samples. Sooo, I did a bunch of research and started taking l-tyrosine and 5-htp.  I feel amazing and I've lost 7 lbs in the month I've been taking it.  It's going to be so fun telling my psychiatrist about this *sarcasm* 

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On 7/21/2017 at 5:19 AM, Asha said:

4 gallons of Sherwin williams paint sitting in my office since last year.  Sigh....

I stopped taking Latuda.  It was going to cost me $1000 to meet my deductible and fill my script, and my dr. Had no samples. Sooo, I did a bunch of research and started taking l-tyrosine and 5-htp.  I feel amazing and I've lost 7 lbs in the month I've been taking it.  It's going to be so fun telling my psychiatrist about this *sarcasm* 

@Asha Eeeeek. Do you take Latuda for Bipolar? You may be heading into mania by quitting it and adding the Tyrosine & 5-hTP. Supplements are not regulated, so you should be very careful! Your pdoc will indeed probably have a fit :-O

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I am fortunate enough to have sick leave at work. Today, after yelling at a delivery guy, wanting to crawl under my desk, and otherwise acting generally useless, I sent myself home "sick." I claimed a high pain day... kind of true. Now I am sobbing on the floor at home but at least I am not having a meltdown at work. Grateful for sick leave. 

Bipolar, you SUCK.

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On 7/20/2017 at 11:19 PM, Asha said:

4 gallons of Sherwin williams paint sitting in my office since last year.  Sigh....

I stopped taking Latuda.  It was going to cost me $1000 to meet my deductible and fill my script, and my dr. Had no samples. Sooo, I did a bunch of research and started taking l-tyrosine and 5-htp.  I feel amazing and I've lost 7 lbs in the month I've been taking it.  It's going to be so fun telling my psychiatrist about this *sarcasm* 

I checked out which pharm made my Lyrica.  Filled out a form online which showed that I was able to get Pfizer too, I think Pfizer, to pay for my meds. I just needed my doctor to send them the form that I downloaded from their site. Very helpful 

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So...I have been on the bipolar coaster my entire crazy ass life and I've def done some serious damage. Relationships of any nature are tough for me because I always upset people due to my wild mood swings. You'd think folks would understand and accept and try to deal but not so much. I mean I get it, I think, it's gotta be hard but it's not like we enjoy it I drive myself crazy for fucks sake?. And the paranoia don't get me started thankfully that just started being a real issue for me since last year but boy it's terrible.

Anyways, a few things to throw out there. Sorry if I ramble or change between subjects my husband can't stand when I do that but I don't try promise! My parents sucked majorly bringing my brother and I up. We went through a traumatizing childhood to say the least. Thrown between living with mom or dad, watched my brother get thrown in jail many times, watched my mom be a drunk, my dad doing his drugs. Mom felt like serious ass whoopings with her belt or metal spoon were suffice when we did no wrong she was just in a bad mood and took it out on us. Dad didn't know what to be other than a friend so no rules there party time. So basically my brother and I were each other's rock and safe place. He was 4 years older. He was more like my mom, dad, protector, confidant, best friend. He was all I had. That never changed until June of 2011. He was killed in a boating accident. To this day I am still numb, confused, angry, devastated, but mostly empty. Why him and not me!?? I'm way more fucked up than he was he deserved to live not me. He left behind my 9 year old niece who's only 9 days older than my youngest son. Her mother won't let me see her or talk to her. She's all I have. Another blow to my heart. When I turned 30 instead of celebrating I mourned and hated because my best friend and big brother had to die at 29 and never got to be 30. And instead of my "parents" being here for me they get to have there pity party because they lost there son. They forgot I'm still alive. That I hurt and I have feelings too. It makes me sick. 

I will stop here I feel bad for writing so much. Just something I keep bottled up. Don't talk to friends about it. Don't talk to my parents period. And my husband is at his witts end with me as it is. Thank you for listening, or reading I guess. Love to all.

Rachel❤❤❤

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Hi, Lifesfknpeachy. Welcome to CB.

Long rants are the name of our game. It does help if you break them into paragraphs, because some of us can't process walls o' text, but that doesn't seem to be a problem for you.

Please feel free to PM me or one of the other mods if you need help with how the site works.

Gearhead

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10 hours ago, theforest said:

@Lifesfcknpeachy I am sorry for the many losses you have experienced- not just for the sudden death of your brother, but the loss of your childhood due to your parents' treatment of you.

It's ok to write long posts and ramble here. If writing helps you work things out, there is also a blog function too.

❤️

Thank you for your kind words they mean a lot. ??

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So I cleaned my disaster of a room this weekend for the first time in I don't know how long and look what I found! It's a cheap-ass violin I bought on Amazon when I was a wee bit manicky and was gonna teach myself how to play. :lol: I don't remember when, exactly, I bought it but, as I'm sure you can tell by the dust on the case, it's been a buried a long time. I attempted to learn to play it after I got it, but, as per usual, the motivation lasted only as long as the episode. Haven't touched it in a few years, at least. I don't even know if it's the right size or anything like that. Anyway, I just thought you guys might get a chuckle out of this find.

Violin_1.jpg

Violin_2.jpg

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10 hours ago, xmo said:

So I cleaned my disaster of a room this weekend for the first time in I don't know how long and look what I found! It's a cheap-ass violin I bought on Amazon when I was a wee bit manicky and was gonna teach myself how to play. :lol: I don't remember when, exactly, I bought it but, as I'm sure you can tell by the dust on the case, it's been a buried a long time. I attempted to learn to play it after I got it, but, as per usual, the motivation lasted only as long as the episode. Haven't touched it in a few years, at least. I don't even know if it's the right size or anything like that. Anyway, I just thought you guys might get a chuckle out of this find.

Violin_1.jpg

Violin_2.jpg

That is awesome. My gf has a piccolo and whenever I'm manic I pick it up and try to play it. I can't seem to get it to work (the blowing into it part is hard) but man something inside me wants to take that piccolo and just jam out with it, jazz style. Jazz piccolo lol

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 months later...

Anyone talk a lot and will not shut up? I have become a Ms. Chatterbox lately with the contractors at my house. Like to the point where they don't leave until 8pm.

I mean I talk about random shit. All over the place, somehow they follow.. I think people who do labor work are a little ADD too, which works out. Anyway .. I need to zip it. 

Maybe a little mania is coming.

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5 hours ago, KnickNak said:

Anyone talk a lot and will not shut up? I have become a Ms. Chatterbox lately with the contractors at my house. Like to the point where they don't leave until 8pm.

I mean I talk about random shit. All over the place, somehow they follow.. I think people who do labor work are a little ADD too, which works out. Anyway .. I need to zip it. 

Maybe a little mania is coming.

Sounds like mania is rearing it’s head. I’d be more concerned with your contractors slacking off for that many hours a day. 

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20 hours ago, It's that manic dance said:

Sounds like mania is rearing it’s head. I’d be more concerned with your contractors slacking off for that many hours a day. 

And just like that... Mania faded. -_-

Yes, at least they aren't being paid by the hour. haha. The one contractor is our neighbor so it works out too . 

Tdoc is really trying to help me cope without playing with my meds so quickly and try to process things instead of numbing me up.

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I hate life right now. My breathing is heavy. I just want to sleep, but if I go to sleep I will sleep all goddamn day, as I have been for the last 3-4 weeks -- and the last few days that has only been adding to the depression. I can barely think my thoughts are so jumbled. I still can't get a hold of my pdoc. Though my next appointment (on the 21st) inches closer by the day, the depression has gone from annoying to incredibly bothersome and I don't want to have to experience this shit for another week and a half before beginning to get help. I'm not suicidal or anything. It's a moderate depression, I guess. I just can barely function. People, specifically my grandparents, depend on me to do shit for them, like grocery shopping, but I can't deal with people right now -- be it in the grocery store or even just driving there. As I said, I don't want to go to sleep all day, I mean, I do, but at the same time I don't; I just don't want to be conscious. I don't want to be aware of the depression. If I am going to be awake, I feel like I need to be stoned (not really stoned, just enough to lift my mood enough to tolerate life), but that would require me to go get some weed, which would require driving to the shop and interacting with people. Ugh. The hypomania I experienced in September/early October was so, so mild and even though this depression is somewhat moderate, as I said, it is so much more intense than the hypomania was. Could be worse I guess. I could be mixed or maniacally psychotic, but ... I don't know. I'm just rambling I guess. I don't know what to do. If I continue to pretend like nothing's wrong, people will still pick up on it and lecture me, or they won't pick up on it and just assume I am being lazy or neglecting my responsibilities on purpose. Okay, I'm done rambling now.

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