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Pain and depression...oh how the crap keeps coming


NewMe
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Warning :Trigger:  :Trigger:  :Trigger: there may be triggers for some people involving abuse.

 

So as those of you who visit chat when I am there or read my blog may know, I have been having health issues, a lot of health issues. I have had chronic pain for years, its abdominal and also involves bloating, cramps and radiating pain. It recently got worse. I finally went to the hospital and they first thought I had an infection of the uterus, I had a follow up appointment with my OB/GYN and she said I needed to get my IUD (Intrauterine device, its a birth control placed in your uterus) removed because it was pushing down on the place where a baby would press and cause labor...I was giving birth to a Mirena as my fiance says. Soooo I have it taken out, for 2 days I felt better, then it got worse. I have been to 5 appointments and have had about 13 doctors touch me and numerous exams down there. 

 

On wednesday I had an internal and external ultrasound done, the week before was hormonal bloodwork and they found that a spot had formed on my cervix. I have a history of cervical cancer...next week I have a biopsy done. The bloodwork was normal, my uterus and all are fine BUT I havent had a period and it has been 5 weeks now. I saw 5 docs on Wed, I had 5 sets of hand "exam me" I was sobbing, I mean really crying hard while 10 hands are in there "do you concur?" "Yes I concur." I felt like running. It hurt really bad too along with this humiliation. 

 

One of the docs called down to see me was a GI specialist, she was rough, she was realling pressing on things and she caused the most pain. Finally they came to the conclusion....My pelvic walls, specifically the pelvic floor is torn, either from my ex raping me, the rapes when I was a child, both or from child birth, either way, there is damage. I have to also see a GI Doc to have upper and lower scopes done on the 25th, I have to of course fast, take go-litely etc.

 

The pain is so severe I vomit, I nearly faint, I have fainted before back in March. I take all these things...Miralax, Motrin, Aleve, stool softeners, nothing relieves it. I am depressed by this, my daughter saw me on saturday almost fainted, she was upset, and my fiance is upset. I have gone to the ER and they cant do anything for me. I cant get any relief and it is so exhausting and emotionally draining. I am so bloated I look 7 months pregnant, I am in pain and I cant suck it in because I am that bloated and it hurts so bad.

 

I never knew until recently that pain can cause depression, I always grinned and beared it before, I could put on a smiling face and continue, and now it is too hard. I am being controlled by pain and I have to wait to get help and it is so frustrating and exhausting. I dont know what to do.

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Have they considered ovarian cancer?  Endometriosis?  Not that I think it is that, but a lot of the symptoms made me think of those.  I have a family history of ovarian cancer, so I am extra cautious when I have abdominal pain like that.  I also have endometriosis (not bad though atm), and gets painful at times.  Not as bad as you describe, but I can relate to the pain on a lesser level.

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Pain can definitely make you depressed. I'm sorry you are going through this nightmare.

 

What's your support like? I don't know your household routine, obviously, but could you get some friends to bring some lasagnas, or casseroles, maybe not even cooked, just to shove in the oven? Can you get help once a week for the next two or three weeks with the housekeeping? Order pizza? If you have young kids, would one of their friends' parents be willing to have them over one night? 

 

It is a very long time to be in pain, but not a long time in terms of keeping the family clothed and fed. What can your husband do, if he isn't working a zillion hours a week? Do you have relatives who could take the kids in the afternoon?

 

It sucks, I know it is hard to think straight when you are in a lot of pain. But maybe with your husband, you can try to work out what will happen day by day until your next appt.

 

Oh, I should have asked this earlier, is your pdoc in the picture?

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I have little help, my family isnt in the picture and friends and family are minimal, my future in-laws are sick/dying, my future MIL has Emphysema, CHF (Congestive Heart Failure), Heart Disease, PreDiabetic...my future FIL has MS and Dementia...so...yeah. My family I cut out of my life, they know nothing about this. My fiance is working 75hrs a week, and going to Nursing school, he is very busy. I try to spread things out...I prepare dinner in the morning or the night before when he is home so I just have to stick it in the oven or my daughter (she is 7 1/2) helps me. 

 

My closest friend has her hands full and I havent even told her about this...no one really knows actually, I am very private. She has 3 kids and a husband who works in the oil fields, and 3 dogs, so she is just overwhelmed. I have a therapist who knows about it, I dont have a pdoc right now, I wasnt recommended for it, I havent had a pdoc in a year. Its sort of so common I think, for them to hear about it that it is in one ear and out the other, I talk about it but it isnt focused on in my therapy at all and I go weekly.

 

I have covered up the pain for a loooong time, with my ex and now, I was able to suck it up until March...I went 7 yrs without a peep. In March I was vomiting, bursting blood vessels in my face from the vomiting, passing out, cold sweats, feverish, I barely slept and I was worrying everyone. I went to an ER, and they just sent me home. 

I am getting help from my fiance when he is home and my daughter helps too, it just seems as though the more lifting, standing, stretching I do the more pain I will have and it is all in the abdomen.  I feel like an idiot and I am trying to hold in my complaints, but I cant always hold it in.

 

I cook, I just have to sit and take breaks, or prepare the night before so I can just put it in the oven, I will go it when my fiance is home. I cant lift laundry baskets, I have a laundry shoot which is helpful, but taking it back up I cant do. I wait and have my fiance do that too. It is hard to think, I am just taking it day by day now.

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I moved this to Neuropathic and Chronic Pain. You may get more responses/input.

 

Chronic pain can certainly make depression a heck of a lot worse. Probably even cause it. Those of us who live with daily/constant pain can certainly relate to what you're saying. No matter the cause, being MI and dealing with chronic pain can get very complicated. 

 

I hope things get better for you soon, or at least manageable. 

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I'm sorry you're having pain, New me. I've dealt with chronic pain for over a decade and know what an emotional roller coaster it can be, especially if you're already prone to depression. Anger, frustration, sadness and grief are all natural responses to being in pain, but are also emotions that are amplified by depression. 

 

I hope you feel better. 

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