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Urges come on suddenly and very powerful - triggers


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I've been depressed on and off this week and while I had a "good" day today I'm suddenly struggling with graphic and powerful urges to SH. These urges have been happening with increasing frequency as of late. I do NOT think I am in any real danger right now.

 

Sometimes, I engage in some "light" SI to take the edge off of the urges. It's not kind to myself, but they aren't sessions where I do anything "very dangerous" or that will leave large or permanent marks. 

 

The current urges are extra-violent and include SI that would or probably would do myself in. 

 

I'm not sure that it's necessarily suicidal ideation - or not intentionally, but I'm not sure how to proceed. I'm hoping to find some solutions within myself instead of just calling the pdoc. This isn't the first time it's happened and I'm sure it's not going to be the last. 

 

The urges just hit me; I see them in my mind's eye very clearly as sudden flashes.

 

Ideas? Workbooks? Something?

 

 

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It sounds like you're doing your best to cope. I understand what it's like to have powerful images in your mind of SI. I found those particularly hard to fight. I'm sorry you're going through this, Mari. 

 

Have you considered calling a crisis line when you feel the strong urge to SI? 

 

As well, check out some of the pinned threads at the top of the board, if you haven't already. They are full of ideas about what to do instead of engaging in even "light" SI. 

 

What kind of emotions do these powerful urges bring up? I find that addressing these emotions in another way really helps. For example, I found that the powerful images brought anxiety and restless energy for me. So, I would do things like jumping jacks, sit ups, punching a pillow and screaming into a pillow. That would release some of the pent up anxiety and energy for me. 

 

Please check in with us, and if you feel the powerful urge to do something that could end your life, please call a crisis line. Are you in touch with your pdoc? They should know about your depression and how you've been feeling lately. 

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What kind of emotions do these powerful urges bring up? I find that addressing these emotions in another way really helps. For example, I found that the powerful images brought anxiety and restless energy for me. So, I would do things like jumping jacks, sit ups, punching a pillow and screaming into a pillow. That would release some of the pent up anxiety and energy for me. 

 

 

Thanks for your response, Para. Yes, I think the urges coincide with some sort of need to get something out, but I could feel depressed or placid and have a very sudden "screaming on the inside" feeling. I'll work on using other tools which release energy. 

 

Yes, my pdoc does know I have urges.

 

I'm a bit afraid to call a crisis line in those situations. I don't want someone coming for me.

Edited by M@ri
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I'm a bit afraid to call a crisis line in those situations. I don't want someone coming for me.

I've said some pretty disturbing things to crisis lines and remained anonymous and un-sectioned. I doubt that calling one would result in someone coming for you. If you're really afraid, as I was, use an old PAYG mobile telephone.

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