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Just found out I was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia for the past two and a half years by two psychiatrists. Not mad. Their conclusion was a reasonable one. I have a peculiar symptom/experience and they concluded it was a psychotic symptom. Now my pdoc has concluded it is not a psychotic symptom, it is just a weird thing. I did not respond to antipsychotics, my life history doesn't fit the pattern of a schizophrenic, there was no thought disorder, and for these and various other reasons, I do not have schizophrenia. My main problem all along was negative symptoms which can look like depression. So now I'm probably being diagnosed with a depressive disorder, which had been my diagnosis since 1997. It is clear that depression is going on, but there is more wrong. Will probably be doing some psychological testing to try to see what if they can figure out what is wrong with me.  I seem to have pieces or traits of several mental disorders that are severely affecting my life, ability to socialize, ability to work, ability to function and do activities of daily living, but without having those full blown disorders. Maybe the test will show something that can help me better manage my life or better understand myself.


A psychiatrist, this year, who I was going to for a second opinion re schizophrenia, also diagnosed me with schizoid personality disorder. I believe this is bullshit. I believe the symptoms she observed are better explained by depression/anhedonia. When I am really low and find no interest in anything, then I am indifferent to people including family and just want to be left alone etc. So she concluded, aha! spd. What she doesn't know, and what I just figured out (since my mood lifted for 8 days before going back down) is that when my mood lifts I spontaneously initiate a few conversations, spontaneously show some interest in other people, spontaneously desire connection with other people. So schizoid personality disorder is out the window. And my main psychiatrist never diagnosed me with it anyway. I got that diagnosis from a one hour consult as a second opinion. I don't think a personality disorder should be diagnosed based on one visit.


I took antidepressants for 10 years. For most of that time I was taking three at one time, wellbutrin, effexor and mirtazipine. I also tried zoloft in the beginning. I don't know why it took ten years to figure out, but antidepressants never helped me. Not even a little bit. They were intended to work on my anhedonia, which is my main problem. So now my pdoc has taken me off all psych medications except ambien, which works for me. And now the next step is to get me into therapy. I am going to have to pay out of pocket and it may be $100 per hour. I have not worked in 5 years. In fact in the 16 years since I completed my education I have only worked a total of about 4 years, due to depression and not being able to function. I live on ssdi. So finding the money to pay for therapy will not be easy. But I am going to do it. Anyway, I'm digressing.


I need to change my signature. So folks whatever I have written on the schizophrenia board is bullshit. Now I am off the schizophrenia board and on the depression board. Hello depression board.

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yes I think definitely there is a mood component. I believe I have a depressive disorder and have since age 14. One thing that complicates diagnosis for me, I think, is that I have a lot of difficulty feeling and expressing emotions. anger, sadness, whatever, it's rare that I feel anything. The last time I remember feeling angry was in 2011. Last week I tried an experiment. I wanted to see if I could make myself feel an emotion. I wanted to feel happy. So I listened to happy music I used to like. (I usually never listen to music). What happened was, I felt sad. I started crying. With happy music. Then I tried the experiment again the next day, same thing. Next day, same thing. For ten days I did that. My conclusion is that underneath the surface of my psyche there is sadness but it just isn't accessible to me normally. So for years when I went to mental health professionals and fill out their little form that asks if you are sad, I always answered no. And if you don't check the boxes, they conclude you aren't depressed or at best that you are subclinical because anhedonia and anergia are definitely there. Now I think I need to start answering yes. But I will ask my pdoc about that before I do that. Another example, As for the little box that asks if you feel hopeless, when I analyze my situation I have no confidence I will ever be able to get better substantially, zero. But on the little form that asks about hopelessness, I have always answered no. The reason for that is my lack of capacity to feel emotions. I intellectually "know" my situation is hopeless (after 30 years of experience of living this way), but I don't "feel" hopeless ie like emotional disress, distraught etc, because I usually don't feel anything, and so I always answered no. So I need to ask my pdoc as I may have been answering the questions wrong all these years.

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I'm sorry that you were misdiagnosed for so long. Taking Clozaril and getting weekly blood draws to treat a disorder that you don't even have sounds awful. I hope that you're able to figure out what's wrong and start getting better.

Edited by Hadeharia
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wow! i just replied in your other thread because did sound so much like the bouts of negative symptoms of schizophrenia i've gone through. i also went through the hell of clozaril (for refractory psychosis/suicidalitiy--not neg symptoms) myself and sympatheis on that.  i'm so glad you might have a proper diagnosis now and, along with it, hope for a life that is more satisfying than you've had thus far. sorry to see you leave the schizophrenia section (which i *just now* realized isn't where this is posted) but all the best in getting effective treatment and reclaiming your life.


take care x

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