Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Why is being alone so bad?


Recommended Posts

I'm not trying to advocate "bad behavior" but I really want to know, why is wanting to be alone so bad? You hear about people going crazy because they never leave the house or see anyone, but are they all that way? I unintentionally worried my mom by saying if I won a billion dollars, I'd build an underground bunker and hire people to run errands for me. I understand it isn't a "normal" line of thinking, but she said it's creepy. Apparently saying I didn't believe there would be an apocalypse, it was more about being alone with the quiet (although all the shit in the Middle East is worrying) didn't make it any better.

So, is being alone truly bad if you want to be? I am happiest when I'm at home, alone. And although I can usually identify irrational thinking on my part, I don't understand this time.

Edited by koali777
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My momma always said '' There's a difference between being alone and being lonely.''  

 

I agree with her.  

I like having my 'me' time and sometimes wish family and bf will just let me chill out by myself every now and then.  Unfortunately, people worry about me when I want to spend quality time alone and now rarely am able to do it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I understand. On days when I'm alone all day I am so happy! But my mom comes home asking if I feel unloved and is convinced I'm lonely. But I agree with that quote too, I'm alone, not lonely, and I'm annoyed that I can't fully enjoy it because people are worried about me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've never understood why introversion and wanting to be left alone is pathologized so much in our society. Being completely isolated and having no social connections at all isn't exactly healthy, but there's nothing wrong with not having much of a social life and being happiest by yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My momma always said '' There's a difference between being alone and being lonely.''  

I agree with yer momma.

I like being around people but I also need time to myself. I live my bf but we have different schedules so i get enough alone time, which is why the relationship works so well I think. I find if I do too much socializing I get anxious and want everyone to leave me alone. I don't think it's a bad thing to like spending a lot of time with yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think everyone thinks we will become the stereotypical "crazy cat lady" but honestly how many of those are there? It hurt when my mom said I was creepy. I may be a little more extreme, considering I'd be happy if I never had to leave the house again, but I'm happy. Well that's relative, I mean I'm still mentally ill lol.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I love being alone, and need time to myself to gather my mind together.  It stresses me out to be around people too much.

 

Being alone, I don't have to worry if I say the right thing (whatever it may be) or not, or behaving a certain way.  I just want to be me, and most of the time at least part of me isn't/can't be the real me when I am out and about in the public.  Stigma plays a big role in it all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've never understood why introversion and wanting to be left alone is pathologized so much in our society. Being completely isolated and having no social connections at all isn't exactly healthy, but there's nothing wrong with not having much of a social life and being happiest by yourself.

 

 

Ditto to this.  Frankly, I find being in constant company with other people exhausting.  I've just been through a very intense 2 weeks (following a death in my family) and I am completely wiped out - not just from the stress of what happened, but from the stress of having to be around so many people so much.  Even when something drastic hasn't happened, I hesitate to agree to go out, even if it's just to my sister's place for a meal, because I take so long to recover.  I figure that I get myself to work every weekday, interact with lots of people there (f2f, on the phone, via email), and for now, at this point in my life, that's enough.

 

And I never, never have guests at my home - that's my precious personal space.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Why is wanting to be alone so bad?"

 

It isn't and it can be.   Both.   It does drastically depend on reasons, character, mood...

 

There are those of us who need and are happier with amounts of solitude considerably greater than the average person would pick.

We are built that way and it works for us.   We are not about to impose it as a rule on the rest of the world.

However, we are not in the majority.

 

The majority, generally being far less aware of and sensitive to minorities than is the case the other way around, tend to see "excessive" time alone as something unnatural, unhealthy and an indicator that "something is wrong."

(Yes, there are honourable exceptions.)

If going to a party makes them feel recharged, happier and more relaxed, the default assumption is that this works for everyone.

Hence the "help" offered to the solitary, and the disapproval that can arise when seeing people "doing it wrong" and not joining in at the "approved level" (by local social convention.)

 

On the other hand, there are negative and even pathological causes behind some instances of social withdrawal, so "solitude is good" is an over-simplification too.

I suppose the check is the actor's cry "but what's my motivation?"

 

Human beings being what they they are I'd expect a proportion of individuals to be capable of holding good and bad solitude reasons at the same time.

 

Chris.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe your mum is worried not about the actual alone thing, but like Emmetman says, she thinks it is a sign of something else that is a problem, as in you are staying home to avoid something. 

 

I think that there is a difference between solitude and being totally unable to cope with leaving the house. I enjoy a lot of solitude to function, I live alone, I need time without stimulus so I don;t own a TV etc. However, I do spend time in the world on my terms (with the people I feel comfy with, doing things that I enjoy that make me feel better.) Someone who stays inside 24/7, hires help and is a recluse is not exposing themselves to anything new or allowing themselves any pleasures outside the home. Most reclusive people I have talked to say that while being a shut in helps them control or limit their fear, they are also lonely and limited because they are not living their lives.

 

I'm not saying that extroversion is healthy. Nor is forcing yourself into a life where you hate the public time you spend outside. But having the freedom to step out of your own front door and try something new *that you feel you would enjoy* is healthy.If being introverted is a movement toward something: more time for a passion, better mental health, self protection, healthy introspection, then I think that is great. But if introversion is a move away from something, being challenged, chaos outside, fear, then that is not, IMHO.

 

That said, I would have no idea where you are on that scale, nor is it my business :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that there is a difference between solitude and being totally unable to cope with leaving the house.

 

I totally agree.  If you are choosing to be alone b/c you are agoraphobic, that is something that needs to be addressed.

 

I also agree with Chris that it depends on your current situation.  If you are experiencing symptoms, its a good idea to try to leave the house and be around people and "be" out in the world.  However, if you just enjoy being by yourself and you're feeling healthy, I see nothing wrong with being alone.  I, too, am an introvert and get exhausted by being around other people.  I have always enjoyed "alone time".
"

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As Titania said.

There is a world of difference between...

...spending time alone because you've tried "hanging out" and "parties" ,have concluded  that "light conversation"  is light because it's completely empty, and that you get both more rest and stimulation from a good book, woodwork or craft project...   and so on.

 

.. and spending massive amounts of time in your room alone because you can't face the world out there that you'd actually prefer to be a part of, or because you are totally addicted to an on-line game to the point where the rest of the universe has been marked down in the priority and reality league table.

 

There are plenty of other examples, and factors that can be in play.

 

 

Me, I've always been somewhat reclusive, principally from "not fitting in" and finding socialising tiring, though I can "do social" very effectively, given need or desire.

I know know a good chunk of that was down to a solid but undiagnosed case of Asperger's syndrome, but once you've developed a range of solitary hobbies there's a self-perpetuating element in play, amongst anything else that might be going on.

Finding some like minds was a good rout for me: ASD people for one, and shared hobby/interest for another.

That this doesn't fit with what most people would consider "normal social activities"  is largely irrelevant.  

I'm not "most people".  Understatement, that.  

Yes it's finding niches to suit, but that can include niche activities and niche people.

And it's not *only* the internet where that can happen.

 

Chris,

(Currently I can't physically leave the house, so it's good job I'm pretty-well suited to a solitary life.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If it's dysfunctional and you'd like to change it (which doesn't seem to be the case) then something is wrong.

 

See, I'm like that. I WANT to be alone. I want to unplug my phone from the wall (yes I still have a landline) I don't want any knocks on my door, I don't want anyone to bother me. I live with people, yes and I interact with them, I suppose. But other than them, I rarely see anyone else. And I'm alone most of the day, at this point.

 

You know, my friends all think I MUST be depressed because I don't DO anything. Well, for fuck's sake if I WANT to do something, I WILL. Just because they couldn't live like this without being depressed doesn't mean that I HAVE to be depressed to want to be alone.

 

I don't get it either. Some people are happier alone. I don't see how I could personally be happy surrounded by people and having my phone buzzing all day every day, but it's for some people.

 

No thanks, the real world is annoying. I'd prefer the internet, my books and TV any day. Fuck all that noise. It's too much to bother with and gets annoying. I like my alone time, for the most part. Once it starts bothering me, I actually will call someone and do something.

 

It's just a matter of what's considered abnormal in society. NORMAL is being a social creature. They all consider it abnormal to hole yourself up  even if you ARE perfectly content that way.

 

But they won't ever believe you ARE perfectly content like that. I try to explain it to my friends in this same manner and no one understands even that. Maybe I don't make sense? 

 

Fucking society dictates these things. You must be dysfunctional to not want to function the same way everyone else is.

 

If you're different, there's something WRONG with you.

 

Okay, so I'm different. And there IS something wrong with me. But even when I'm NOT depressed, I don't care to be social. And I'm fine with that. No one else is, but I am. Ha ha.

 

do your thing if it makes you happy. Try not to get frustrated with the people, they just don't want to live that way and can't see that it actually has its merits.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Frankly, I find being in constant company with other people exhausting.

 

^THIS.  This is a lot of why I like to be alone.  Even a phone conversation can wipe me out.  When my mind takes in so much stimulation from the environment, ie outside with or without people, it needs to just rest awhile to recover.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What a good bunch of replies. It seems like everyone is slightly different although I think the person I relate to most is The Emperor. I like people, and when I'm actually out, I sometimes really enjoy their company. But I hate hearing other people's voices sometimes. I'm not afraid of leaving the house in a safety way. It's more a comfortable way. I love reading, studying things, and video games, so that can all be done here. We have a small gym area in our house, cable, internet, movies, food. There is not much reason to leave. I know that the people who have woken up and decided to go on a killing spree were often isolating before said incident...however, they are a tiny minority. And maybe I am getting worse but not in a way that's either dangerous to me or others. And I am constantly talking to people, just not in person. I do think I'm weird though. I rarely will see my family. I guess I'm not sure where the line is, between having to address this and just letting it go.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A bunker of my very own. I've often dreamed of such a thing. But it's impossible to cut yourself off completely from the world, and I have tried. Humans are social creatures and they need some sort of contact with others even if your need is less than that of most people. Isolation really isn't a good thing, it will only make you feel empty and estranged from the world and from yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I think there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. I like great amounts of 'alone' time regardless of whether I'm happy,sad, indifferent--in a relationship, not... I just like to have time where I can be alone with "me" and just center myself...even if it's just chilling in bed...I just need that down time.

 

I think the extreme is a relative of mine who won't leave the house at all...only once a month for dr's appointments. She's filing for disability and whatnot because she can't even work. I understand this whole issue because I feel that way too--must be mine isn't to that extreme because I still work--you know, because I like "stuff"...and I do whatever I have to do in order to keep buying it...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like being alone. Much better than I like being around other people. I'm healthier for it. I have my husband for company and a small circle of understanding friends for when I do want some company, but I don't go to parties anymore, and I don't go to bars, and my next job will be a form of self-employment, and I'm better off this way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...