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Jaytea

Goddamn you, dad (venting)

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Gotta vent for a minute. So I email my dad periodically & never responds. Even to emails asking how he is doing (he was diagnosed with cancer a while back & it's in remission).

Just got an email alert & it was from my dad to my brother and I. All he said is "It would have been nice if either of you had remembered it was our anniversary Sept 5th."

 
For the record, I did NOT know that b/c it's not something they've ever made a big deal of. Never gotten them a card or gift b/c they never mention it when it's coming up. And they don't mention it after it has passed. And he has the nerve to be a dick about it when he doesn't have the common courtesy to respond when I email him photos or simply ask how he is doing. DICK.
Our relationship has always been crappy so i shouldn't be surprised. But I'm still annoyed. It makes me feel like a kid again.
ok, vent over. sorry. I just got the email and am pretty peeved.

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It's hard when families push our buttons.  I would say you have two options: (1) ignore him, or (2) respond with something bland like "I would have written if I'd known it was your anniversary, but I've never been told that that was the date."

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This was my response:

"I'm sorry! I knew it was coming up soon, too. Hope you guys had a good celebration and congratulations. How are you doing, btw? Have you been getting my emails?"

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I think that was a good response.  Its really hard to deal with a parent that doesn't behave like a parent.  You never know where you stand.  

 

I hope your dad responds kindly to you.

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moving this to the family section

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Thanks, Wooster! I looked for a family section but couldn't find it. My brain was pretty frazzled earlier!

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I'm sorry he acted like a jerk.  To be honest, and keep in mind my parents have been dead a while, I never knew when my parent's anniversary was.  I think the only reason my kids know when our anniversary falls is because we got married on my birthday.

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Hey, you are not alone.  My dad is a major jerk and does the same things! He is a narcissistic control freak and nowadays my mum hardly ever emails anymore as he has taken over yet another aspect of her life (with her too gutless to resist).  Seems as though they don't care much for me or my son and this is one of my huge issues too! Their shit has helped me develop borderline personality disorder! Hope for you there is a better way for you to deal with this.  It is really tough as family are way too good at manipulating us emotionally.  Must check out this family forum part!

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My dad is SUPER controlling. He reacts in the same manner when I'm late with xmas presents or Mother's day cards. I'm not late often but if i am I let my mom know and she's fine with it. And late isn't months late...it's a day or two. To give some background-he was a Captain in the military, a doctor, and has Bipolar disorder (unmedicated). I see narcissistic traits as well. When I was a kid I was his favorite (for some reasons that are disturbing and triggering so I won't go into detail). But from my teen years on that ended. It's a pretty complicated relationship. They live back east & I haven't been back to visit in I don't even know how many years b/c of him. My Mom comes out here to visit instead.

There's so much more I could say but I'll save it for a blog and I'm definitely going to check out the other threads in family!

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Hey Jaytea,

 

My dad was okay ish with me until I hit my teens too! BTW, he was brought up in a Scottish presbyterian sort of way and that could probably fit in with a military lifestyle.  They are hard people, cold, unforgiving and unloving.  Don't really know why such people have children really.  Yes, I was late with a fathers' day email - not really my fault as they keep changing their email address lately (supposedly as they are having problems with their email) and I got the email addy wrong.  Haven't  heard a word since and I just know it is his stupid, twisted, childish game carrying on.  Instead of saying, hey, why haven't we heard from you? What's up? He won't email and it is like a childish sulk. My stupid mother won't email either because I think there are not many things left she is "allowed" to do anymore.  Mind you, she probably cocked up their email as she is a computer dork (doesn't understand technology very well). 

 

Peace

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