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Obsessing about family dying, death etc. Is this OCD/ANXIETY?

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Phew, I don't know where to start so I guess I will try to make this as short as possible. I posted a full on intro if you need more info or care. Anyway it started like a month ago. I started feeling old. I know im not old per se im friggin 32 but I just feel like when the heck did I get to be 32. I was seeing some posts on Facebook about people dying and I don't know what exactly it was but it started something in me. Like a phobia of death! It started with just a little worry or just a slight thought about my husband dying, or my son getting sick, but I could always just push it out of my brain. So it wasn't too bad. I tend to get into obessions a lot and I go crazy over them for like a month and then after that I find some other thing to worry/obsess about. I was also having anxiety about a lot of things bit really it wasn't bad but just annoying so I went to a new p.doc ( a total asshole) and he gave me celexa. I took it before and was fine so I figured okay easy. I took it for 6 days. On day 3 I started to feel weird. Just more worried, anxious, sweaty and by day 4 I was a mess. I could not stop worrying about death! I was crying, couldn't function, asking my husband if he was going to die? Worrying about when he would, picturing my life without him and how I would go mad without him. I still took my celexa, I don't know why really. I guess I thought ot was just start up anxiety. By day 6 I was asking to be commited. Full blown sweaty panic attacks worrying all day. Crying, not eating, etc. I stopped the celexa on day 6. I am now on day 4 without it and I am still a mess. I wake up every single morning and have a panic attack for like 2 hours. It is very bad when my I am alone. When hubby is gone and son is at preschool. I am having some sort of separation anxiety. I cry for like 2 hours then I have to get myself together to pick my son up at 11am. I get a bit better as the day goes on. At night I am pretty much back to normal. What is going on with me? But even when I feel better I still have that worry in my mind about my husband dying someday and my being all alone and that I will crack up without him. I envision it all. I envision life without him, I play out the whole damn scenario. Please tell me I am not crazy. Do in need to be commited. Will this pass? Is this still from the celexa. Why did it trigger this? I am so afraid I will never be the same. I will not take any antidepressants now. This is the 3rd time I went crazy on one of them. My p.doc said just go to mental health and told me it was not my meds making me feel this way and treated me like I was just nuts. Help!

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You are not crazy, it sounds like you are suffering from really bad anxiety at the moment and anxiety makes us feel like we are 'going crazy' but in reality we are not - we know our thoughts/feelings are irrational.  Also sounds like you may have had a bad reaction to the citalopram - I tried it recently and didn't like it at all, although my reaction was not as extreme as yours sounds. 


OCD is kind of on the anxiety spectrum anyway and the symptoms are a lot more diverse than the stereotypical hand washing and cleanliness, so I would say only an experienced doctor can tell you what you 'have', whether or not it is general anxiety, depression, ocd or whatever.  


What I can say is I know when I'm going through a bad patch (as I am at the moment) I start to fixate and obsess about death -  a family member dying or getting ill, thinking about how would I cope, what would life be like after, etc.  Going around in circles for hours on end sometimes or just intermittently throughout the day.   Then there is anxiety about "have they got hit by a bus, raped, murdered, etc" if they are 5 mins late getting home... and of course the guilt felt by believing "well, I'm thinking this disaster is going to happen so now it will and it will be all my fault" and so on.  I'm not even 30 yet and I also get fixated on feeling 'old' and having wasted my life, being more than 1/3 through my life, getting obsessed  with what happens after death and so on. I don't know if all of this is a sign of OCD, depression or a combination of both.  


Need to be committed?  No.  Need to find a decent doctor, some better medications that work for you and find a good therapist?  Yes.   Not sure what else to say really...... just that I can completely identify with where you are coming from, unfortunately I do not have any answers.  Just hang in there as it will get better. 

Edited by crazyguy
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I agree with crazyguy: you do not need to go IP, but you do need to find a better pdoc.  


It sounds as though your brain might not play well with anti-depressants.  I take a couple of things for my anxiety and OCD: klonopin . toprol, and gabapentin.  (I take a lot more meds than that, but those are the three specifically designed to help with anxiety).  Have you tried a benzodiazapene?  A good pdoc can help you with med decisions.  Be sure to tell them about your reaction to ADs.


I also think therapy would be helpful.  You can learn coping skills to help you deal with those thoughts and talk through what might be causing you to feel that way.


Finally, to calm your mind, I think meditation is a good idea.  That or passive muscle relaxation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcjTF5BxKdo&noredirect=1.  PMR helps to quiet your mind and its something you could do after your husband and son have left for the day.


I hope the panic attacks subside soon.  I am sorry that you're having to go through this.

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Thank you all. It sucks that anyone has to feel this way but I have to say I am glad I am not alone. Today has sucked. Just thinking about people I love dying all morning. I just cant get out of this rut. I don't even have the will to find a new p.doc and I worry I will just find another one that is not good. I mean how do I find a good p.doc? I know you guys cant solve all my problems so I don't know what I really even want out of this post. I guess I wish someone would just take over for me and just get me over this already. Anyway I used to take klonopin prn but the last p.doc would not give it to me. I am afraid none of them will. Plus what happens if I get addicted to them? I thought taking benzos for a long time was bad?

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