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lifequake

What are the little things that keep you going?

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My sister, who seems to really "get" it when it comes to me explaining MI stuff to her.

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I like to color, I am not an artist and can't draw, but I like to get lost in a coloring book, I think the concentration quiets my mind. At this point i even moved up to colored pencils and found some really cool coloring books. It's a first step, before I am ready to deal with people or go anywhere. I have even mastered coloring and crying at the same time. I have a bad time with concentration when I am depressed, but I sure can color :-)

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I've started taking a GABA supplement and it calms me down just enough, since my pdoc won't prescribe benzos.

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My kids when they tell me they love me (without being prompted) and when they say how much they enjoy something that mommy did or made for them. It really lifts me up and gives me a purpose. Like no matter how much I hate myself that day, I made a difference in my child's day, making it a little brighter.

They would be so sad if something happened to me, I feel it. I could never hurt them like that. I must go on.

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^^ On the same line of thinking, when my niece and/or nephews give me credit for things I do, or say, "Me and Aunt Melissa did ____ together." and they go on to talk about it like it was just me and them who did this one thing together.  Makes me feel good.  Like I'm worth something.

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The little things that keep me going:

  1. Baby Maddie's adorable wee face and outstretched arms
  2. My dogs Abby and Freddie who greet me with such enthusiasm and love EVERY time I come home, even if it is several times a day
  3. My cat Mikey who is hilarious when she gets hyper as she runs about like a lunatic
  4. Music and singing
  5. Getting lost in a good book
  6. The beauty of the countryside

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When I ran into someone from the psych floor, whom I met when I was in my early 20's, and he remembered me without prompting, shook my hand.  He was one of the counselors on the psych unit when I was there all those years.

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I honestly wouldn't be here if it wasn't for music.  It just brings me so much joy.  Also, my friends and family.

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I honestly wouldn't be here if it wasn't for music.  It just brings me so much joy.  Also, my friends and family.

 

^^Me too.

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Cloudy overcast days in the low 60's with the threat of rain.

No joke, I love this kind of weather.

 

But for real:

1) my family

2) music

3) friends that truly care

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Cloudy overcast days in the low 60's with the threat of rain.

No joke, I love this kind of weather.

 

I'm totally with you on this. There aren't that many things go that make me happier than overcast days and rain/ storms. Especially if I'm near some kind of foresty area, the smell is so beautiful.

Lately I have found that doing childish type things can make me feel better. Like coloring books. And a couple weeks ago I wrote to eeyore. Also my Jemima puddle duck. Someone gave her to me the day I was born and I've slept with her every night of my life, I still do even though I'm married now, lol. I have a lot of other stuffed animals too.

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I don't think any of them are so little.

 

But sometimes I don't want to shower and I'm anxious and sad but my fucking conditioner smells like peppermint and it's soothing as fuck so I go shower. Sometimes that's quite literally the only thing I look forward to in a day.

 

Edit: I seriously just got an offer to go to lunch and almost turned it down because my hair is greasy and I am sad but then I remembered the conditioner. I'm going to lunch and the reasons I'm so lonely sometimes are actually my fucking fault. HUH! 

Edited by The Emperor

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  • Family 
  • Friends
  • CATS. Seriously they get upset when I leave for college. Not to mention my cats seem to know when I'm having a bad day. It's adorable. 
  • I used to be a camp counselor. I really loved my kids and I wanted to be the best role model that I would for them. It really made me feel good when they were enjoying camp or when they would come to me with a problem and I would help them. One of my favorites was this one girl who came to camp really shy and with a lot of anxiety. I talked to her a lot and she was told me she was bullied and she was afraid of the other kids making fun of her. I paired her up for swim time with another girl who was outgoing and she would get along with. All the other kids helped her learn the dance and told them about how they had made embarrassing mistakes and made her feel better. By the end of the two weeks she loved camp so much that she and the other girl were having play dates outside of camp and she asked her parents to sign her up for another session of camp. I was so proud of her and of my other kids for being so nice. Her family came to see the show and they were telling me how proud they were that she opened up. It just made me really happy.
  • There is so much wonderful things in the world that I need to learn and explore.
  • I want to travel.
  • Little children on the Subway.
  • Seeing small acts of kindness. The lady who calls me sweetie at the cafe I always go to, people getting up to give their seat to an elderly person, or a child, or a pregnant women. Makes me remember the world isn't so full of crap.  

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When my primary DR treats me like a person, and doesn't treat me like a patient who has a MI.

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