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You have tried very few meds, you couldn't possibly know if nothing will work for you. You need to call your pdoc NOW, and describe what you are experiencing. 

 

I know it is no fun trying med after med with no positive results. But going from wanting to die to WHEEE back to wanting to die is not good. If you are hypo, you risk going into mania. If you are not hypo, something is clearly wrong. Call your pdoc.

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Wow... maybe you're bipolar or schizoaffective, because that's EXACTLY what the cycle is like for me, including the job issues.  Obviously I can't make a diagnosis but it's definitely worth bringing up with your pdoc ASAP.  If you can return anything you spent money on, don't forget that's an option.  I know how horrible it feels to burn through money and suddenly realize what you've done and crash like TWA Flight 800.  Try to just stay productive and not spend money or make any decisions while you're in this state.

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Don't feel bad... it's a part of the illness.  I say this while I sit here feeling like shit for the same things, but it's true.  When you're just realizing what's happening, it takes a bit to straighten it out.  It doesn't make you a bad person.

I know that agitated "MUST DO SOMETHING" feeling too.  It's annoying when you have nothing to do, haha.

How old are these medical files?  Your illness can change, or your diagnosis can change.  I was changed from mood disorder NOS to schizoaffective, which isn't as big a jump but still.  Please do go to the appointment, it'll make you feel better that you at least did something for yourself, even if they don't get to the bottom of things right away.  Try not to beat yourself up in the meantime.  Hard task, I know.  I wish there was a pill to temporarily eliminate guilt, heh.

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