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Not having a good night :(

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How pathetic am I to wallow in my own self pity and think I have it so bad when my son is a type I diabetic and has to put up with so fucking much. I should be able to be strong for him. I hate myself so much for being weak. I completely broke down and then about a minute late when numb to everything. I felt fine, not depressed AT ALL. Now its all creeping back in and I am here to vent a little. I want so badly to rage at someone for doing this to him but there is of course nobody to blame. I am left with myself, and I already hate that s.o.b.


Tonight was the first time he has ever passed out with a low blood sugar (diagnosed @6, he is 14 now) and it has hit me so hard I am just a wreck. He is fine btw, we got him sorted out quickly and gonna give him the day off from school since this has happened so late tonight.



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Atoka, it's understandable that you are worried about your son---diabetes is a serious illness.


However, depression is an illness, too.  Mental illness is so debilitating, and sometimes our friends and family members don't help when they say "Just think positive thoughts" or "Snap out of it."  If only it were that easy!


I have to differ with you on the "weak" issue.  If you suffer from depression, it has nothing to do with strength or weakness.  You have an illness, just like your son.  It's just as serious, and could even be life-threatening if it isn't treated.  I hope you are seeing a therapist because it sounds like you could use some help to cope with all the stress in your life.



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I am supposed to be strong. I am supposed to be able to provide for my family. I can't do either. I think this would be easier if I knew they would be OK without me. I am a burden to my family and they deserve better. I dont believe things will get better, only worse. My dad who has been supporting us lost his job last year and I have all but drained him dry. It wont be long til we start losing things like phones and internet and tv. Then what? They will look to me... they will blame me and rightfully so. I am so lost with what to do so I sit here and type and cry, type and cry wtf good is that


I went yesterday to start seeing a therapist olga - I go back monday for my first apt. thank you all for the responses

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We all like to be strong for our loved ones but, as olga said, depression is a dehabilitating disease that robs us of our strength and will.  You can no more snap our of it than your son could snap out of his diabetes.  You can't help it that you are ill.  I know its frustrating when you want to be at your best and your mind will not cooperate.  But the first thing you have to do is stop blaming yourself.  You did not ask to be depressed.


I am very glad you're going to see a therapist.  That is an excellent start.  Do you also see a psychiatrist?

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