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everyone always says that depression lies. what if it doesn't? what if I am just seeing the unvarnished truth? what if the real lie is that everything will get better?

I am 43 and I haven't been happy yet. I have no reason to assume that things will get better other than the assurances of others. maybe there is a reason that none of the meds really do anything for me. no matter what my mood state, I am always miserable, so it really isn't all about the depression.

the real lie is that everything gets better. everything doesn't get better, it just continues. or gets worse. the only thing to do is to slog through day after day until the end.

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When depressed, I see my whole life through that lens. My perspective is depressed. Happiness doesn't exist.

 

I've spent years depressed.

 

It ended.

 

I feel pretty good now.

 

The bullshit actually isn't a lie. Depression lied to me. But life is a state of mind from moment to moment. You are where you are. It's hard to believe you can feel so different.

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Maybe it is a lie that everything will get better.  However, it is very possible that some things can get better.  It's possible to experience moments of contentment and peace.

 

When I am depressed, I often wonder if my perspective is skewed or not.  After all, if it is the only reality that I know, then who is to say it isn't real?

 

It helps me to think about how many people in the world don't have my depressive outlook.  If billions of people in the world can find joy in life and believe that life is worth living, then I have to believe that it is at least a remote possibility.  Maybe that sounds too Pollyanna-ish, but the alternative-- that life is really as bleak as it seems when feeling depressed-- does not give me much to hold on to.

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I agree with the perspective being skewed when depressed. It's like putting on a pair of dark negativity glasses and looking only through them. They taint your every thought, action, and all aspects of your life.

I think your brain is lying to you. I agree that not everything can get better but some things certainly can like lifequake and Anne said.

Edited by Wonderful.Cheese
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im not talking about whether or not it is possible to laugh at a joke or get an A on a test when I say that things wont get better. i think that anyone, regardless of the depth of their depression could probably look at cat pictures and manage a smile. what I mean when i say that nothing will change is that my overall quality of life will remain the same or get worse.

 

in the words of porky pig....that's all folk's!

 

so im not sure how much of this is my brain lying to me because i have had these thoughts when i wasn't depressed.

 

even when i am 'stable' i hate my life. at the best of times life is, well...tolerable. in the worst,....well....

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im not talking about whether or not it is possible to laugh at a joke or get an A on a test when I say that things wont get better.

 

 

I don't think anyone here was talking about that.

 

 

i think that anyone, regardless of the depth of their depression could probably look at cat pictures and manage a smile..

 

 

No. Not true. At all. It kind of pisses me off that you could think such a naïve thing. A lot of people here have been totally incapable of such simple niceties. That place that you are talking about is still above the surface.

 

 

what I mean when i say that nothing will change is that my overall quality of life will remain the same or get worse.

 

 

IDK, I think I got that. It's pessimism at its finest. Depression thinking. It clouds your perceptions. Or maybe your life will always suck if you don't do something to change it. Are you med compliant and do you work with your pdoc on seeking what works? Do you see a therapist? What do you do to help yourself?

 

 

so im not sure how much of this is my brain lying to me because i have had these thoughts when i wasn't depressed.

 

 

A good therapist can help you get beyond that mindset. Edited to add that I meant that mindset when you are not depressed. However, a good therapist can help while depressed, too.

 

 

As an aside, I'm on 10 meds plus PRNs. I'm not the only one here with other health issues. It sucks, but the number of meds is not a comparison of health. It's just life. We are fortunate that meds are available to help.

Edited by AnneMarie
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YES, im med compliant. YES, I work with my pdoc to try to find something that works. I see him every 2 weeks and have been practically begging him for an answer.

 

I am lucky enough to have one of the few pdocs that does therapy as well.

 

I try to do things that I enjoy (as hard as that is), I come to CB, I take as many as 4 different meds to try to get a full nights sleep, and I try not to eat like utter crap. I do try.

 

I just see no results.

 

and I am sorry if I offended any delicate sensibilities.

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everyone always says that depression lies. what if it doesn't? what if I am just seeing the unvarnished truth? 

 I am always miserable, so it really isn't all about the depression.

the real lie is that everything gets better.

 the only thing to do is to slog through day after day until the end.

 

I think I can invest an hour or two, here... reflecting off the excerpts above.

This is just my perspective,  and no I'm not aiming at offending any sensibilities.

 

Look out for those universals... "Everyone", "always", "everything"  etc,  I take them to be a warning sign.  

They are often mistaken (mustn't put "always".)  

And yes, this can apply to loose and muddy thinking by happy fluffy bunnies as much as those on the darker extreme.

"Everything is beautiful, in its own way... "  like a beautiful case of bacterial meningitis,, or a city-destroying giant tsunami?

Personally I'd have to reach drastically to get the beauty there, without losing my balance as to the overall situation.

 

"...the real lie is that everything gets better."

Yes, that's a lie, a big one, if that's what somebody has told you

(do check to make sure that is what was actually said: hearing and interpreting can get skewed too.)

 But that being a lie  doesn't validate it's inverse, that "nothing gets better".

"Sometimes things get better" is the truth.

That leaves possibilities open, if hope is useful.  

(Me, I'm cautious about hope: I don't like it crumbling apart on me, so I don't lean on it too heavily.)

 

"..what if I am just seeing the unvarnished truth? "

With those universals terms in play, I have my doubts, but it is a valid and interesting idea.

 

P K Dick, Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams have all written, in their own styles, about the possibility that reality is to large or too awful for human beings to handle, and that we need a measure of positive illusion in place to function adequately.[

I don't buy it totally, but I think there is something to be had, there.  Somewhere short of castles in the air.

"What do you want?"

"I want the truth"

"You can't handle the truth!"

Nicholson and Cruise,- A Few Good Men

 

"I am always miserable, so it really isn't all about the depression."

You're not Scottish, are you?  

Is there nothing that even hypothetically would get you away from miserable?

All practicalities set aside, just for this purpose, what would be a niche or a world that might work for you?

Anything... 

"...the only thing to do is to slog through day after day until the end."

Just possibly.  There's need to be careful with that "only", of course.

Interestingly, I stand fair odds of facing that situation.  

But there are resources, even so.   About not slogging at it, for instance. 

 

As I said, just me, typing thoughts from my past encounters with depression and from the hole I happen to be in. With no climbing out, at least.for now.

 

Regards, Chris.

Edited by Emettman
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I've found that happiness for me only lasts a moment. I think the lie is that everyone is happy all the time except for me. I don't think happiness exists outside of the experience. Mr. Tastybutt.

Amen. Happiness =happenings . I am striving for joy!

Have you done any research into mindfulness? I am looking into it. Sounds promising.

There was this video clip I watched earlier this year that made me re evaluate a few things.

It's called "This is Water" it may be a tad over simplified but I like the idea that each of us can change our own personal realities by observing how we react to the outside world and make adjustment to how we react to them.

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  • 2 weeks later...

in my opinion, i've been struggaling with major depression since 25, i had a second very severe episode that i'm just now being able to get a handle on and feel that i'm getting better and i'm 33. i've had to stop school and work, became very broke and in debt, but things are getting better.

 

you have to work at it to get better, it doesn't happen overnight. i lost many years to depression, but have managed to get by and now things are getting better health wise. and even in my depression and psychotic episodes, where i barely hung on to any type of life and reasoning, i still got married, purchased a house, and managed to get a better relationship going with my family. i haven't completed any sort of school, but it's a work in progress. 

 

you have to make a list of things you would like to accomplish or things that make you feel happy. just write down one thing a day on your google calendar.  say something like "today i got to see my sister and a have a nice dinner", anything that made you happy. you have to see the happiness in things. if you really do sit down to think about it. things are very hard. we have to work hard to get any money, always struggaling to pay bills all the time, sometimes we get very little time to ourselves, but that's life and everyone goes through that. we all work, we all have bills and debts, we all have our confrontations with people in our lives, but you have to concentrate on you and what you see as making you happy, and maybe even try to make some long term goals. i know it sounds stupid in a way, and i'm sure you've heard it, but what would you like to see that you have done 5 years from now??  even just some simple goals. like for myself, 5 years from now, i'd like to have some of the painting that i've had rolling around in my head for years to get done. i'd also like to make a few paintings as gifts. it's nothing major, but i've been itching to do it for years now, and i want to concentrate on it. and it's not at all about how good i am at painting. or how expensive and huge they are, but the fact that i got them done. that i did something that i wanted to for years.

 

see if you can maybe apply some of this thinking to your personal life. there is nothing wrong to reading self help books. yea sure some sound funny but i know a lot of people that get a really good feeling after doing volunteer work. they all say it's very rewarding. maybe you'd like to volunteer at a local animal shelter. or maybe go to see old folks at a senior citizen home and bring christmas presents.  some of the older folks rarely get company. maybe see if you can take one out to dinner 2 times a month. that's what one gentleman did when i worked at a restaurant. he came in with an old man, that was medicated and who knows what kind of illness he had, i remember he had me choose his dinner for him a lot of the times when he ordered, but maybe do something like that.

 

not everything will be perfect. we will have battles in our lives but work to get past it. just work at it. you don't have to reach the goal right away, but at least work at it.

 

hope that helps.

Edited by grasshopper
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yea, it all seems like a lie to me too, the "everything gets better" part. I think people's intentions are good, and they're just trying to comfort you but it paints an unrealistic picture IMO. Nothing ever just gets better..I think I have to work really hard just to make things tolerable..

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