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So I've been struggling alot lately. Well, that's an understatement. I have tried to kill myself twice in the last month, with no success (obviously). I want to talk to my pdoc about it, but I am afraid he will put me inpatient. I can't afford to miss my job and upset my family life in this way. I have been hospitalized twice in the past, so I know what it entails, but I just can't do it right now. Does anyone have any advice on how to talk to my pdoc without ending up in the locked ward?

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I tried to kill myself (twice actually, like a little more than a year apart) and wrote part of it down in my journal that my therapist reads. She flipped and told my pdoc (they were/are in the same office) and he and I kinda talked about it but he didn't put me IP. It was carefully planned and obviously I wasn't successful, which I'm glad for more times than not. I can't tell you what your pdoc will do but if you've tried to kill yourself twice in the past month, and if you still feel bad, you should 'fess up. There is never the "good" or "right" time for the hospital but being honest with pdoc (and whoever else) is important.

 

I hope things improve for you!

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I'm sorry you are hurting so much.  It sounds like a part of you wants to be honest and reach out for help.  My advice: Talk to your pdoc. 

 

There is no guarantee that you will end up IP if you tell the truth about how you are feeling.  Maybe there are other forms of treatment that you have not already tried.  Maybe there is a med combo that will bring you some relief.  You won't know for certain unless you talk to your pdoc. 

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I have struggled with MI since I was a child. I am exhausted from it. There is no cure. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but I don't have to clean up the mess if I am not here. Being here and being in the mess is way worse.

 

That sounds like you honestly feel, but you are posting on a website that favors mental health support, so I'm guessing that you are not all the way convinced. Hope not. You have people who would suffer your loss.

 

I'd call your pdoc. There may be options besides in patient. I imagine you are tired of the med merry go round if you've dealt with MI since childhood. I was on that circus ride for a number of years. I did find something that works quite well, so it is possible to find relief. What treatments have you tried?

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I'm sorry things are so bad.  It might not be helpful but I have a lot of faith in my doc and the tdocs.   It really does take a long time to find some kind of mix that works.   Therapy, meds, excersize, a cat or dog.   *Don't laugh mine are like Valium when it comes to chilling me down.

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I lose my ability to verbally communicate with people about my shit when I get too suicidal. So I talked it over with my cats and they agreed I should write it all down and ask someone for help in that way. I did. And it helped. I have been back on my medication for four days and the need to kill myself right this second has decreased.

 

ThAnks again to everyone who shared. You were my lifeboat.

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I told my pdoc. I ended up avoiding IP .... but just barely. It was a good thing to tell him. It was an even better thing to tell my husband. Both have really helped me through a rough patch. I'm now on more meds, which I hate, but I've also gotten more hugs too, so it all balances out.

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