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Blah. I feel damaged beyond repair.


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I've been such a sad fucking loser for the past 3 years and I can't come to terms with it. Plus I've forgotten how to live, think, and react like a normal human being. This is why it sticks with me.

 

 

Honestly, being isolated for such a long period is going to have, and as already had, horrible effects on who I am. I have no life experiences, I'm sure it's fucked with my capability to feel emotions and connect to people, it's definitely fucked with my thought process, and my day to day routine has continually gotten worse and worse to the point where I'm literally a blob of matter on complete auto pilot with everything I do. 
 
I say that I want to try, but I don't. That's a straight up lie. I always tell myself I'm going to be genuine and not get into bad behavior patterns, but that's also a flat out fucking lie. I tell myself I'm going to do something out of my normal routine and improve myself, but never do. I hate this so much, but I'm addicted to it and can't seem to find any motivation to break out of it.
 
I had a predisposition to anxiety/depersonlisation I guess, but I was going relatively good until around 14-15, and it feels like everything went down hill so fucking fast, man. Here I am now, 18 years old, never would have ever fucking thought I would be in this position in my wildest dreams. I think my heads fading so much I'm eventually just going to be a complete vegetable. Reality is gone, but I'm too numb to care. 
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Dude, when you're 31, divorced, pay child support, not allowed to see your kid, no job, no skills, barely finished highschool, no friends, still live with your parents, lost your virginity at 21 with the only woman in your life who happens to be your worst enemy at the moment, no social life whatsoever, no fucking nothing, then and only then feel free to rant about your shit. Until then, time to shut the fuck up.

On the other hand though, if it's any comfort to you, know that the world is full of losers, the majority of us are actually losers. There are few of us that actually have a good life, that's just the way it is. Some people just don't admit it.

Hope that makes you feel better... or probably not.

Going to jerk off to porn now.

Edited by im worse than you
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Dude, when you're 31, divorced, pay child support, not allowed to see your kid, no job, no skills, barely finished highschool, no friends, still live with your parents, lost your virginity at 21 with the only woman in your life who happens to be your worst enemy at the moment, no social life whatsoever, no fucking nothing, then and only then feel free to rant about your shit. Until then, time to shut the fuck up.

On the other hand though, if it's any comfort to you, know that the world is full of losers, the majority of us are actually losers. There are few of us that actually have a good life, that's just the way it is. Some people just don't admit it.

Hope that makes you feel better... or probably not.

Going to jerk off to porn now.

Let's not play this game because really, is anyone a winner.  We all feell pain.

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then and only then feel free to rant about your shit. Until then, time to shut the fuck up.

The fact that you've made a dog's breakfast of your own life so far and that your very next step is evidently going to be to "jerk off to porn" suggests that you are poorly qualified to advise others.  About anything.

 

Crazyboards is a peer-support forum in which people rant about their shit.  That's what we do here.  It helps us connect with people who suffer similar problems, share solutions, offer mutual encouragement, find solace, and generally feel better by knowing that we've been heard.  Your suggestion (after one post) that no one is eligible to speak of their misfortunes here until they become as miserable as you implies that you, therefore, would be the only one eligible to speak in the entire forum.  Here at CB, we don't tell people that unless they meet a certain threshold of illness or misery they have to "shut the fuck up".

 

Except you.

 

Shut the fuck up.

 

 

Cerberus

Moderator

Edited by Cerberus
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"SECOND YORKSHIREMAN: LUXURY! We used to have to get out of the lake at six o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of 'ot gravel, work twenty hour day at mill for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, IF we were lucky!"   Thank you, Monty Python, for tying it up with a bow.

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"SECOND YORKSHIREMAN: LUXURY! We used to have to get out of the lake at six o'clock in the morning, clean the lake,... Thank you, Monty Python, for tying it up with a bow.

 

'Cepting it weren't Monty Python*, there's a lot of wisdom and therapeutic advice to be had from good comedy.

Thank you Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams...

 

*pre-Monty Python, the first version: "At Last the 1948 Show"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAtSw3daGoo

 

 

 

But to to return to the thread..

 

 

 

 Here I am now, 18 years old, never would have ever fucking thought I would be in this position in my wildest dreams.

 

 

Yes, this can happen, but 18 is far too young for anything to be settled as fixed for ever or beyond repair.

However bad it may actually seem and feel to you, and I'm not saying that is anything oother than real hurting.

Getting back to the pristine, naive state of "this never happened" is, I'm afraid, too much of an ask.  

 

An answer or move for you?  I don't know you well enough yet, and I'm not a professional in the area anyway.

But like a good number here, being in places that were not in my wildest dreams is a known experience. 

I'm typing from one.

Mostly that can be built from, coped with, crawled out of, worked around, depending the problem and the person.

 

But thinking there is no way out, that's generally part of the problem.

So's black and white thinking and over-generalisation, both showing in your post.

(Yes, I had to learn about them, too.)

 

Regards, Chris.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I agree with Emettman that, at 18, it's far too early to write your life off as a loss.

 

I've had issues with isolation - and I've found isolation to be a killer, at least for me.  It's helped me (your mileage may vary) to commit myself to get out of the house daily .. even if it's just to go to the store to buy something, or to ask a sales clerk for help finding something.  There have been times when interacting with a sales clerk for a few minutes was as much human contact as I could manage in one day.  But doing that much (without having a meltdown) helped me build a foundation for more sustained interactions.

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